A Week of No Comparison

Photo credit: Bruce Turner

A few months ago I wrote a post on The Danger of Comparisons where I talk about how comparing ourselves to others can hurt us in trying to Live and Work Happier.

Since it is my year of honesty, I have to confess that even after writing this post, comparison is something I am still struggling with and engage in on a daily basis.  In short, I am a Comparison Addict.

In 2012, there are many things I want to accomplish, writing an e-book/course, recording more videos, writing more in general and reaching more and more clients.  I have found especially with my writing, I get paralyzed in comparing.  Meaning, I spend WAY too much time on-line, on blogs, on marketing sites figuring out HOW to do the activity vs just do it.  Then I end up:
a. not accomplishing anything b. feeling bad about myself because I didn't accomplish anything  c. Feeling bad that I failed against everyone I compared myself with. It is an endless loop or wasted energy.

Over the past few weeks I have been building awareness around this problem and realized it is a multi-layer problem:

1. I am just wasting time. 
2. I am not facing my fears or working through my anxiety 
3. At the end of the day I am not living the life I want to be living, I am settling for being paralyzed in the shadows of others.     

So I have declared this is my Week of No Comparison.  For one week, I am going to concentrate on the many goals I set for myself in 2012 and I am not going to waste time on the internet looking at how I SHOULD be doing it.

Here are the 'guidelines' I have set for myself:

1. I can check my daily blogs (I have 3-4 blogs I read every day as I drink my coffee) but I can't look at random blogs throughout the day.
2. I am allowed to post my blogs or other items on Facebook/Twitter but I can't randomly check either one throughout the day.
3. I am going to pay attention to when I REALLY WANT to check something on-line or even when I find myself mindlessly reading Twitter feeds.  I am going to build awareness around when I get stuck...is it when I have to be my most creative, face a fear, risk more or all of the above.
4. No email unless it is a designated time of the day.  Another thing I love to do between clients--check email.  I subscribe to a number of email newsletters so I can easily get lost in comparison world here as well.  I also set up a number of 'rules' no my email inbox that automatically sends these newsletters to a certain inbox so if I open my email box I am not inundated by newsletters but can choose to read them in my own time.
5. Ironically I received an invitation to Pinterest which has become a new obsession of many of those close to me first thing Monday morning--so in the spirit of my No Comparison week I am not going to open and enjoy that invitation until next week.
6. Finally I will have a lot of self compassion around this event.   I am fully aware I may not succeed at a comparison free week--the goal of this week is to ease up on the amount of time I spend in comparison mode AND pay attention to what is coming up for me in the process.  It is a week of  awareness, compassion and incremental change. 

I recognize comparison may not be an issue for you.  However, no matter what habit or pattern is getting in your way one of the keys to living happier is to bring awareness, build compassion and make small meaningful changes.  That is my goal for Comparison Free Week. To notice when I get snagged, build in some practices to help me through those times and have a lot of compassion for myself in the meantime. I can't wait to share my insights!!

What about you?  What habits or patterns get in your way?

What do you REALLY REALLY REALLY want?

A few weeks ago one of my clients was sharing how she had been waking up each morning and asking herself what do you REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT?  She had seen it on an Oprah episode and had found it interesting.  As she asked herself the question each morning she would make note of what came up for her.  Most of the time it wasn't a big or life changing want but more of a small want; like I want to do yoga more frequently or I want to eat pizza for breakfast.

The part of the exercise she found most interesting was just in asking the question.  The natural pause that the question caused.  No matter how many times she asked the question, she said there was always a moment of "huh" and then she was usually surprised by the response.  As she asked and answered the question she started to learn more about herself and what was important to her. The question seems so basic, so 'duh' but when you are trying to figure out how to live a life of intentionality and meaning asking yourself these types of questions can really help.

I have found personally asking this question in times of conflict with another person has helped me get clear on what is really going on.  If I am having a disagreement with a friend or colleague or even my nearest and dearest I will pause and ask myself ok what do I really really really want out of this situation.  (Sometimes that pause comes in the middle of the conflict sometimes it comes at the end) Most of the time my answer isn't what I am fighting for or even asking for--most of the time I am somewhat stunned by the answer.   Honestly, what I really really really want is usually possible but the vulnerability around asking for it is too much. So I put up a number of smoke screens in the conflict rather than go through the vulnerability to ask for what I really really really want.  When I ask the question and can ask for the answer the conflict usually dissipates relatively quickly.

Whenever I am stuck, feeling overwhelmed or just curious I will ask myself ok what do you really, really, really want and the response usually surprises me. Not necessarily that I need to act on that want in the moment..but it allows for the pause and brings a certain level of clarity to the moment.

So today just ask yourself, what do you REALLY REALLY REALLY want out of your day, your life or just the moment? You might be surprised by the answer.

Add a Little Silly

Lately I confess it has been a little intense in my world.  With the new year came a new list of goals, ideas, projects etc. I have been a very head down, studious and hard working girl.  I have accomplished a lot, moved forward on a lot of goals and ideas.  Which is awesome and wonderful!!

Then amazingly, yesterday, I had a pleasant reminder of how much I love to laugh, and how laughter has been missing from my nose to the grindstone life of late. I couldn't even tell you what happened but somehow I ended up laughing so hard I couldn't catch my breathe.  And then I remembered how much I love to laugh, how good it feels to just let loose and be silly.  I am a big believer that in midst of all things you need to laugh--laughter is a key component to my work as a counselor.

It is important as you move through a transition, debate life issues, think about what comes next that you take time to laugh, to be silly, to blow off some steam.

I absolutely LOVE thinking about the best way to move forward, the next step in the path and different ways to grow personally and professionally.  I LOVE helping clients think about those concepts and figure out what comes next.  However, I also LOVE to just be silly.  I love to laugh until I can't breathe, dance until my legs want to fall off, and just plain have fun.  And I confess I don't do it nearly enough. Fortunately for me I have people in my life who remind me the importance of being silly, cutting loose and just ENJOY life.   We all need that balance, the yin to the yang of life.

When we don't have those 2 counter energies...life gets to be too much, it gets to be overwhelming.

So today I am going to keep it simple and just say give yourself a break.  Do something fun, watch a silly movie or read a book that makes you joyous.  Add a little silly in to your life.

The War of the Wants and the Shoulds

What if the possibilities were endless?  What if you could do whatever, whenever, wherever?

This is the question I keep having with myself in relation to how I want to spend my time next weekend.  You see, next Saturday, I will be celebrating my 39th Birthday!!  Next Thursday my nearest and dearest leaves on a 5 day boys weekend to celebrate a friend of his 30th birthday.  So I have the whole weekend to myself and I can't for the life of me figure out what I want to do with my time.  As a side note: Yes, I am sad that my nearest and dearest won't be here ON my Birthday and quite honestly that is how I would want to spend the day--but I am excited for him to get to hang with his friends whom he doesn't see very often and we will have many weekends in February to celebrate!

I have thought about taking a trip, hanging with friends, throwing a party, renting a party bus, staying home to chill, and going on a meditation retreat. I feel I should be social, get out of the house, I should take a trip, go someplace warm, really whoop up my 39th and kick off my last year in the 30s with a bang.  Bottom line I just don't know I am having choice anxiety.  Overwhelmed by too much possibility.

I think this frequently happens to us in our lives, we get overwhelmed by decisions with what do next?

First we think about all the options I could go back to school, I could move to Jamaica, I could stay at my current job and ask for a raise, I could move companies and do the same job or I could do nothing. Yep, the possibilities are endless.

Then we think of all the shoulds, I should be making more money, I should be responsible, I should stay where I am for the kids, I should have a Masters Degree, I should study something appropriate and on and on and on...

More often then not we choose the do nothing option.  Not because it is what we want necessarily, but because it is less painful.  Frequently the wants and the shoulds are contradictory and we can spin and spin and spin on all the options, contradictions and possibilities so we stay put.  Doing nothing.  Sometimes that is ok.  Sometimes the timing is off, we know WHAT we want do but it isn't the right time, we don't have the appropriate funding, we aren't quite ready yet, the kids are too young or we need to do some more research.

The danger comes when we aren't intentional about what's happening.  When we stay stuck not because it makes sense but because the battle between the options and the shoulds is too great.   When we go back and forth ad nauseum.--as I have been doing on my how to spend my Birthday debate. It isn't that I don't know what I want to do it is that I think I should want something different.

I don't want to have a big ring in the 39th celebration--(like I think I should) I don't want to plan a trip and organize (or pay for) flights, hotels dinners etc (like I think I should).  I want and crave a quiet weekend at home--just me and our pets, watching movies, reading books sleeping in and eating yummy food.  Is it what I think I should want?  No.  But that's ok.  The minute I was honest with myself the decision came to me as well as the reason why it was so challenging, my shoulds were louder than my wants.  So frequently we are stuck because our shoulds are louder than our wants--and when that occurs it is next to impossible to move forward until we are able to be honest with ourselves.

Whether the decision is larger or small,  impacting the long term or short---whenever we are listening to the voice of the should we will remain stuck and we most definitely will not be living happier.

What Do You Believe...

Photo Credit:  SweetonVeg

Yesterday I posted about facing some of my own fears when it comes to growing my business.  One of the lessons I have learned is you have to know what you are working towards, know what you value and what you believe in.  If you don't have this foundation it is a lot more challenging to forge on when things get challenging.

Yesterday, Lynn at Power Chicks wrote a similar post talking about her own fears and how she recently came back to figuring out what she believes as her guiding force.  When you can name what you stand for, what you believe, or what you value, you can return to that foundation as the road gets bumpy, curvy and just plain fogged in.

For example, if you believe living a life of integrity is most important, than decisions you make, careers you think about and people you engage with should all support your integrity value.  Similarly, if you believe a loving family eats dinner every night, than the priorities you set and the decisions you make all support that belief.  Or if you believe responsible people pay their bills on time...you will do everything in your power to make that happen and fulfill that belief.

Our beliefs are like a guiding light, they make us who we are and structure our day to day lives. It is just a rarity that we say them out loud.  One of the exercises I have all my clients do is a Values exercise,  I have them name their top 5 values and then I have them share how they are living those values in their life and career right now.  So frequently the pain and discomfort we feel in our lives is when we aren't congruent with our values.  I believe one of the keys to being happier is to align our values with our day to day actions the best we can.  Admittedly we can't always do that do to life circumstances, past decisions or the people around us.  However, the goal is to start building awareness around what you really believe is important to you and what are the small changes you can implement to make those beliefs congruent with your lifestyle.

So today I ask you to think about and share in the comments (if you are so inclined)  What do you believe?

First Hand Wisdom on Facing the Fear Monger

Thanks to Kevin Shorter

One thing I do consistently is practice what I preach. All the tips, wisdom, insights I post on this blog I try to engage in, in my day to day life .  Lately, I have been facing the Fear Monger, building awareness around my internal messages, and going for my dreams.  In the spirit of my year of honesty, I am going to share a bit of honesty in my post and a bit of wisdom as well.

 Last year was a big year for me,  my nearest and dearest moved in, I got engaged, planned a wedding, got married, was there for my in-laws and my husband as my mother in law fought her cancer battle, and also began dealing more seriously with my father's fight with Parkinson's.  It was A LOT of stuff--needless to say my business got moved to the back burner. Partially because of all that stuff and partially because to move to the next level I had to face some fears and deal with some demons and quite frankly I just didn't have the energy for that.  So I kept my business going status quo, saw clients, blogged here and there and while my business did fine there wasn't any real growth.

At the start of 2012, I decided a couple of things: one I wanted my business to get bigger, I wanted to reach more people, do more writing, speaking, counseling and just generally put myself out there in a bigger way and two I wanted this to be my year of honesty.  Frankly, to do number one I believe you have to do number two.  So in the past 18 days I have put myself out there more, I have worked on a new bigger business plan, I have written more, posted more, face booked' more, tweeted more,  and in general each day I have just showed up and been engaged in my business more.  And I have to say it has been hard, challenging exhilarating, energizing, anxiety producing, joyous, and exhausting.

But here are a few insights, lessons I am re-learning and ideas that I have had over the past few weeks:

1.You never feel more alive than when you are pushing your limits.  Facing my fears, questioning myself, checking in and asking what I want to do next is nerve wracking and exhilarating.  But it feels 1000 times better than living life one foot in one foot out--living in the status quo.

2.  You have to have a vision.  Each day I return to my overall vision for my business and my life:  to help people see the possibility in their lives and to help them live genuine, authentic lives so they live and work happier.  Yes, I have to do a lot of other stuff in order to do that--marketing, using social media, networking etc.  But doing all the stuff that I don't like is a lot easier when I know why.

3. There isn't always a right way.  Yep, I am a bit of a perfectionist--sometimes to the determent of my productivity and of my sanity.  I get too caught up in doing it right--and usually there isn't one right way.

4. There is a time to push and a time to rest.   I admit I can be a bit too driven--pushing myself too hard and in the process missing the forest for the trees.  There are times when I have found myself during 'work hours' forcing myself to be productive and just not feeling it.  More often then not when I step a way, take a breathe and concentrate on something else I can come back feeling more productive and committed.

5.  Celebrate the little things.  When it comes to facing the fear monger, and chartering new territories you can get so focused on the big picture you don't take the time to celebrate the little victories.  Some days just coming up with a blog post is a HUGE day for my.  Somedays I am a writing and marketing wiz--regardless I am learning to celebrate both days equally.

6.  You have to walk before you can run, or more importantly you have to fall before you can walk.  Mistakes happen, progress is slow but any time you are putting one foot in front of the other you are moving more towards your authentic life---and that is a win in my book.

What about you?  Any lessons you have learned in facing your fears or going after your goals?

Keep Calm and Carry On.

Keep Calm and Carry On is a phrase you see and hear a lot these days.  Ironically it was designed by the British government during World War II to be used to keep up morale in case of a German invasion.  Fortunately, they never had to be used.  Then randomly, a bookseller found the poster in a box of books he had received at auction and framed it on his wall..from there the sentiment took off.

The idea was in stereotypical British fashion to keep the stiff upper lip and in essence--"never let them see you sweat".  I like to think of it as just keep going, one step in front of the other...don't panic, and carry on. Another poster that I have found oddly inspiring says "keep making things idiot". Again similar concept of just keep going, keep putting one step in front of the other.  Keep creating, keep making new things, keep growing.

I find comfort in these sayings because I too need the reminder that change is hard.  We need to show up every day and put one front of the other, handle the fear, embrace the joy and create.  No matter what change you are engaged in:  figuring out what you really want to do, looking for a new job, building a business or simply changing a mis-perception you have of yourself. You have to start someone where you have to simply 'keep calm and carry on'.  In today's society of instant everything it is so easy to get caught up in instant change, instant success, immediate gratification.  But real lasting change, real lasting success takes time...it takes one foot in front of the other.  One phone call, one email, one belief, one creation.

In our fast paced world it is easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to other people or 'shoulding' all over yourself.  True change, true success comes from staying calm, listening to yourself, and carrying on one foot in front of the other.    So today I encourage you when your anxiety fires up or your fear monger's voice becomes louder than your own, remind yourself to simply...keep calm and carry on.

Love Letter to Yourself

This week I was reminded about one of the practices of one of my favorite speakers/authors Elizabeth Gilbert.  When she appeared on the Oprah show discussing her book, Eat Pray Love, she talks about writing a love letter to herself from the perspective of a dear friend (in the spirit of we talk nicer to our dear friends then we do to ourselves).  She engaged in this practice when she was feeling particularly anxious and stressed, specifically during her divorce.

First off, a small rant that when I am feeling anxious and stressed and I stop and breathe and say out loud the messages that I am hammering myself with I am constantly amazed!!  If we don't stop and breathe and listen, Fear Monger messages just play there on and on like our own personal negative record player (or iPod if I am going to be hip).  When they go unchecked they are brutal and relentless and can do serious damage to our goals, dreams and passions.  They keep us safely stuck.  And 99% of the time they are based in nothing, irrational beliefs that are there to protect me against old wounds (many that have since been healed) and past tapes of relationships long gone.   So regardless of engaging in the letter writing, pay attention to when you are feeling particularly anxious, unfocused, angry and notice what is quietly playing there. End of rant.

So writing a letter to yourself.  I admit it sounds hokey and I also admit I have given this assignment to clients only to be met with a blank stare or a "yeah, great idea" knowing they will never complete it.  But it is an amazing exercise in self love.  To talk to yourself in the voice of a friend is so foreign to us and so welcomed.  When we are going through transition, feeling stuck and scared, the fear mongers can be relentless.  So it is important to remind ourselves in a loving caring voice that yes, it will be ok, you are a lot stronger than you think, you are a dynamic caring insightful human being.  I know for me when I am feeling particularly scared and the fear monger is taking up WAY too much space in my mind I will pull out a piece of paper and on one side write everything the fear monger is saying just to get it out of my mind and on to a piece of paper just to see what I am mindlessly thinking and then on the other side of the paper I will write what a dear friend would say to me.  I write a few sentences or a long letter.  I write loving, caring supportive words. I remind myself that no I am not all the things my fear monger is telling me and yes I am capable of more than I ever thought possible.

So today I encourage you to write a love letter to yourself.  Even if the fear monger isn't coming living rent free in  your head...write it any way we always need to give ourselves more love and appreciation.

Stop Apologizing

Photo Credit:  P-A-T-R-I-C-K

What I love most about my job is the "ah ha" moments I get from my clients.   Recently a client was lamenting to me about how often she apologizes for herself.  She had realized the frequency in which she apologizes for innate parts of personality--most annoying,  the parts of her personality she really enjoys!!  As I sat there listening to her voice her frustration, I thought, to myself, she is not alone...we all apologize way too often for way too much.

Now for the record, I am not talking about apologizing when you do something hurtful or say something inappropriate. I am talking about apologizing for your mere existence on the planet.  Apologizing for the fact that you understood something easier, jumped a few steps faster than a co-worker or even streamlined a project with ease.  Somewhere along the line we were taught to apologize for our gifts--apologize for the traits that make us unique or different.

It has become the new norm in polite society to apologize for having an opinion, perspective or solution that is different.  It is ironic because on one hand we celebrate our differences and that no two people are alike and on the other hand we spend my of our time conforming to make sure no one gets uncomfortable.

The problem, as my client was lamenting, is that apologizing for ourselves keeps us stuck.  When we say "I'm sorry" for every difference, every little thing we keeping our unique gifts from begin shown to the world.  In making sure everyone is comfortable and safe we aren't growing and changing as a person or as a community.

It is almost laughable when you think about the things we apologize for...in paying attention to myself I apologize for being too insightful, or too 'therapisty' or even too sensitive to others needs.  All of these traits are aspects of myself I like about myself.  They are traits that not every one has and admittedly traits that can be overwhelming...but not traits that I need to be ashamed of or sorry about.  They are traits that make me who I am.

When I look at the people who inspire me they are putting themselves out there, unabashedly sharing their ideas and opinions.

What about you?  What do you find yourself apologizing for?

Dyana Valentine, recently did a talk at Tedx on this topic called I'm Not Sorry . Check it out!

A Call To Stop Dog-Earing

Thanks Angusf's for the perfect photo!

This weekend during coffee o'clock, my nearest and dearest turned to me and said, "you know I was thinking last night, real change has to start with more than just turning down the corners of a magazine"

I looked at him inquisitively and he went on to say, "you know how people mark catalogs with stuff they want by turning down the corners of the page...well real change requires more than just having an interest in the subject."

The insight reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine last week.  I was telling her about a book that I had just found which I thought might be helpful to her---I asked if she had heard of it and she replied, "yep, actually I bet it is sitting on the book shelf over there" We both laughed, knowingly.  One of our many inside jokes is the number of books and resources we have purchased and never read.  This use to be a HUGE problem for myself--I could have purchased stock in Amazon.  Anytime I had an inkling to learn something new or start a new adventure I would go out and buy a book (ok, maybe 2-3 books) and then they would come and I MIGHT crack them open and skim them or I might just put them on the book shelf telling myself I would read them 'at a later time', but never actually getting around to it.

Finally, a few years ago I had a little 'come to Jesus' moment as I call it and realized not only was I wasting a lot of money but there was a deeper problem going on.  I was taking the safe road, making the easy move...looking for the resource, doing the research but not really making any real changes.  I was kidding myself that I was going to learn photography, color mandalas, or train my dog...the list can go on and on.

So often we buy a book or take a class thinking we will be changed in just in the purchase alone.  But change is greater then a purchase, greater than even reading the book.  Change is consistent process of action.  Sometimes that action, moves us forward, sometimes it moves us backward, sometimes it is learning how to just be.   But it is an action.  Change requires pushing our comfort zone paying attention to when we get uncomfortable. Change requires awareness of how we feel when we pick up a book or walk into a class to learn something new.  Without this awareness we unknowingly put up roadblocks and passively prevent change.  So maybe we need to pick up the book and do a quick skim, maybe we need to just read chapters 1-5 and let it percolate, maybe we need to just dive in and embrace the fear and learn something new.

The point is it is time to stop dog-earing our way through life!!!  All those years I have been just 'dog-earing' the page of the things I want to change and learn.  What ideas have you been just dog-earing in your own life?

*** Have to give a special shout out to my nearest and dearest for the blog inspiration--don't know what I would do without you!

2012 My Year of Honesty

Thanks to Cynthia for the pic!

In the blogosphere (i.e. the world o'blogs) it has become trendy and hip to determine your theme or word of the year.  Actually, my friend and colleague Michelle Barry Franco has been doing this for years. The concept is that each year rather than a resolution or intention you have an over arching theme that you want to work on or work towards.  I admit I have hesitated to participate--mostly because it has become trendy and hip and I didn't want to be 'yet another person jumping on this band wagon'.   After years of observing I have watched my friend Michelle really get something out of this idea of a theme.   So this year, after writing my intentions the thought keeps popping into my head about my year theme and what that means.

I like the concept of a theme because it fits into so many areas of our lives.  We can have the theme of family, health, joy, laughter or relationships and from those themes can come many different intentions.  So if your theme is health you could have the intention from quitting smoking to taking 5 minutes a day to meditate.  If family is your theme you could have anything from learn your roots and work on your genealogy to spend more time with your immediate family.  The possibilities are really endless.

So what is my theme you might ask?  After much debate and thought...I kept coming back to words like genuine, congruency, authenticity and truth.  Words that had the theme of honesty.  So I decided my theme would be honesty.  To be honest (ha!) I was surprised that this was the word that resonated the most, because I value truth, I am a trustworthy person.  However, honesty fits for me, in this time, for this year. To be honest, I have a tendency (as we all do..but I have a skill at it) of burying my head in the sand and heading into denial.  Yes, I believe denial is there for a reason to protect us from the pain of life, but I want to be more honest as to how long I stay in the denial phase of pain management!!   I want to be more honest with myself in what I really want out of my life, and my business  I want to be more honest in my relationships in what I need and how I feel.  I want to be more honest in what is happening around me, and the actions I need to take.

There you have it.. me sharing (and honestly feeling quite vulnerable about it) my 2012 theme of Honesty. What themes resonate with you?  What words peak your interest for the year 2012 or even just for the month of January?  Feel free to share in the comments.

The Beauty of the Reframe

My nearest and dearest and I have a wonderful little schedule I get up early and do my morning routine, have my coffee, read the paper and ease into my day.  Then usually I get an hour or so of work in before he makes his way downstairs to begin his day.  Occasionally he will surprise me by waking up with me and shaking up my morning routine.  This morning was one of those mornings, and my ability to shift and change wasn't quite there.  I love my husband, I love spending time with him AND I love my morning routine.  So I confess I was a little discombobulated this morning.

Then randomly, I looked over and I say my nearest and dearest sitting on the couch, coffee in hand with our cat, Pooh stretched out beside him, both looking so cute and comfortable.  And I thought to myself, wow how lucky are you, to have a husband who wants to get up with you and start the day with you, who wants to hear about your life, who supports you and loves you. He just woke up early and was excited to have coffee with me, he wasn't trying to 'get in my way' or 'mess up my morning routine' he was just being my wonderfully impulsive, no particular routine nearest and dearest. I admit, I got a little teary with gratitude, and a little ashamed of my original discombobulation. But after that reframing, I walked over and gave my husband a kiss and went on with my day...feeling gratitude.

Reframing:  Seeing a situation through another lens, from another angle.  One of the keys to living and working happier is reframing. Unfortunately, reframing doesn't always come that easily...it takes a little intention, and awareness.  Reframing requires us to be aware that we are upset, angry or annoyed and then it requires us to intentionally look at the situation from another person's lens.  When we are open to seeing a situation differently, open to letting go of our annoyance, open to a new perspective, situations become easier, relationships become better and life becomes happier.

Too often it is just requires too much effort to reframe.  Quite honestly, we just want to be pissy.  Too much resentment or anger has built up and a simple reframe just seems impossible.  It is when we reach this point that reframing seems impossible that we need to reframe all the more...that anger and resentment is only hurting us. It is making us miserable, sucking our energy and hindering our ability to be happier.

I guarantee if you can slowly start chipping away at that negativity, slowly start seeing the world from a different lens, the picture becomes brighter and the frame becomes prettier.

Turning Wishes into Intentions.

Thanks to thoseshortbangs

Happy New Year!  Welcome to 2012.  I am very excited about the new year, feeling the renewed energy of possibility and freshness.  Some of you may know that I am a not a big fan of resolutions.  Largely because resolutions become more of a chance to beat up on ourselves when we don't do them correctly, rather than a chance for us to give ourselves a little self love and self reflection.  All change is incremental...and resolutions are no different.  We will fail at the detoxing from sugar (as I am trying to do right now), we will not get to the gym every day, we will have a cigarette...the point is to not get stuck in the failure but to remember it is a process and to know that mistakes are all part of the process.

That said, I left 2011 by having us complete our 2011 Wish List.  It was a two folded exercise.  First, it was a fun way to look at our lives and just dream...dream big...without judgment or criticism.  Second, I thought it would be a helpful jumping off point for seeing what changes, additions, hopes we had for 2012.   The wish list is the dream of all dreams..it is the core of what I believe will help me Work Happier and Live Happier.  The wish list is constantly ebbing and changing but it the wishes I wrote down took some time and some thought...so they are an insight into what really matters to me. They touch on my values, my beliefs and the people and things that are most important in my life.  I am going to use my wish list as a example for what I am talking about.

My 2011 Wish List

1. A Cure for Parkinson's Disease, Cancer and Epilepsy--
2. Continued Good Health for myself:  
3. The Ability to Eat WHATEVER and Not Hurt my Health.  
4. Compassion.  
5. Travel. 
6. My own private jet and someone to take care of it and fly it.  
7. A Maid. 
8. New Sheets Every 6 months. 
9. Consistent Supply of Quality Books. 
10. Intentional Living.  

 Example of My 2012 Intentions

1. To take the time to spend with the people in my life who have been touched with Parkinson's, Cancer and Epilepsy.  To be empathetic to their illnesses and to support and love them as best I can.
2. To take care of myself as best as possible... I already work out daily, and eat pretty healthfully but I want to become more intentional around meditation, relaxation and boundaries. 
3. Unfortunately I can't eat whatever I want (BIG DREAM) but I CAN be intentional about what I eat and when.  So when I do treat myself to a piece of cake to really enjoy that cake each and every sinful bite.
4. I want to practice more self compassion and give myself a break from time to time.
5. Travel is always a priority for me...figuring out how to keep travel into my every increasingly busy life.
6. Own jet plane--not going to happen for a VERY long time---but it is is still a dream.
7. A Maid is long term goal...in the mean time I can find fun ways to make cleaning the house more enjoyable.
8. New Sheets every 6 months---again an impossibility---but I can (and usually do) make an effort to put clean, fresh sheets on the bed frequently and acknowledge that warm wonderful feeling of crawling into a freshly made bed.
9. I have already started making reading more of a priority..shutting of the TV and opening up my book is a good start.
10. Intentional living is something I do each and every day of my life.  Fortunately I approach this year with renewed energy to help spread the message and power in living intentionally with as many people who will listen to me!!

So there you have it--for the record I am not implementing all of these intentions today!  These are intentions for the next year--and currently I am actively working on 2-3 of them.  They are all powerful and important to me in their own way (after all they came from my Wish List) but it is impossible to make that much change at one time.  For the sake of example, I wanted to give you as many options as possible in transferring your wish list into an intention list.  Clearly, not all your wishes can become intentions (that is the beauty of having big dreams).  Many of them can be tweaked in some small way to help us implement ways to do what makes our heart sing!!

As always, please feel free to share your 2012 intentions in the comment section.