Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving sometimes gets a bad rap--it doesn't have the magic and of course presents of Christmas, nor the warmth and fireworks of Fourth of July. Basically it is seen as a holiday where you eat and drink a lot and try to tolerate your family.

As I have gotten older I have gained more respect for this holiday. One of the key principals to living intentionally is gratitude. Gratitude immediately forces us to be in the moment, to be aware of what is happening in our lives. Gratitude allows us to see the small little blessings that happen every day. It is a Catch-22 one of the key practices to intentionally living is gratitude and when we are living intentionally gratitude naturally happens. So for today on this day of Thanks I challenge you to be grateful not just for the standard things like your home, your family, your friends, your health. Dig a little deeper--look for the items, events, people that are unique to you. Why are you grateful for your house? What about your partner makes you grin? What is it in your best friend that you love so much? What is it about your favorite food that makes you happy? What makes you joyful on a daily basis?

This morning as I type I am grateful for my warm sweater and the furnace removing the morning chill. My coffee is brewing and I can smell the wonderful fragrance that makes me happy!! I am grateful for my comfy couch, my cat sleeping on my lap (to keep warm) the warm shower I just took and the fact that I am going to drive to my family's house where I am able to help my mom cook Thanksgiving dinner and watch the Macy's parade. I am grateful the day will be filled with laughter and joy that we have yet another Thanksgiving dinner to spend together as a family.

So for today practice your gratitude and then tomorrow keep practicing. I try to end each day with 5 things I am grateful for--get creative--and see all the wonderful little blessings that make up our world.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Laughter

The concept of Intentional Living sounds so serious. I think there is a misnomer that if someone is living intentionally than they will be always serious, always aware, always in a state of meditation. I believe if someone is living intentionally they are living from a place of lightheartedness. From a place of joy and creativity and laughter.

If we are living with intent we are able to see the trauma in life AND the joy in life. We are able to laugh with our son as he drops the milk accidentally in the morning rather than yell at him. We are able to laugh at ourselves when we forget our keys for the millionth time.

One of my favorite things to do is laugh, I love the feeling of a good belly laugh or even a light-hearted chuckle. Today as I rode the treadmill at the gym I was watching someone walk through the gym and wasn't paying attention and nearly fell off the treadmill. After I righted myself I started laughing--as did the person next to me and we started up a conversation about the challenges of walking. Afterward the guy came up to me and said he appreciated our lighthearted conversation and the chance to laugh.

I realized that in this heavy time of a recession economy, war and uncertainty we need a little laughter. We need to look at the world through fresh eyes. Yes, there is trauma and grief and we need to express the appropriate pain and sorrow AND we need to express the every day joys and laughter that we miss. If we are living intentionally then we are aware that life isn't all sadness and gloom, there are days when everything goes wrong and those are the days we need to laugh the loudest. Laughter heals the soul, lifts our hearts and makes the world a better place. What have you laughed about today?

Negative Thinking--Blocking our Blessings

Yesterday I was talking with a client about the power of negative thinking. It is my belief that we use negative thinking as a way to self-protect. If we are struggling in a relationship we will 'prepare ourselves' for the worst by thinking negatively about the relationship: 'he won't call', 'she doesn't really love me', 'he will say no to my request'.

Rather than thinking positively: 'I am lucky to have this wonderful person in my life who cares for me', 'he might say no but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for me', 'this relationship might have its ups and downs but I am going to celebrate the ups as they happen.'

Or if we are wanting a new job we say to ourselves "I won't get a new job, I am not qualified, I don't interview well, they won't like me" rather than saying "I interviewed, I am qualified, I deserve this job and I did the best I could and will deal with whatever comes my way".

Somewhere in our ego minds we think that we can protect ourselves by being negative OR we are being too selfish if we think positively about something. Bottom line is that life is better when we think positively. If we think positively about a relationship and our partner and give it all the good energy we can muster--not only will the relationship feel better it will BE better. We miss the good stuff (the time our partner really listens to our story, when our partner empties the dishwasher without being asked, when we get positive feedback at work) because we are concentrating on the negative (our partner forgot to ask about a big presentation at work, our boss gave us some areas of improvement)

As with any great theory--it is easy to say 'think positive' but hard to practice. First step--awareness. Pay attention to your negative thoughts as you go through your day--Are you self protecting? Are you trying to be humble? or Do you really not like something? All are valid and all need to be brought to awareness.

How much of your life do you miss because you are negative? The truth is you may not get that job but why not enjoy the fact that the interview went well and you nailed it, or the interviewer complemented your tie.

As I said to my client, the relationship might not work out but why not enjoy the fact that right now it is--you enjoy spending time with this person and there might be things about him that drive you crazy but for now there are more positives--lets embrace those. Start paying attention to your negative thoughts--are they blocking out your blessings?

Letting Go of Guilt

Guilt fascinates me. It is such a powerful emotion yet it serves no purpose. When we feel guilty-we aren't helping anyone, we aren't accomplishing anything we aren't even processing through a legitimate emotion. We are just spinning our wheels. We justify actions (or non-actions) by feeling guilty about them.

For example, I have a client who wants to add working out into her life. About a month ago, she decided that morning was the best time to workout. So she set her alarm an hour earlier so she could get up and go for a walk. However she found that when her alarm would go off she would hit snooze and then lay in bed for maybe 20-30 minutes debating about getting up. During this time she would tell herself that she was 'fat and lazy' for not getting up and then after 40 minutes had passed she would tell herself that she didn't have time for a workout and would either lay in bed beating herself up and feeling guilty or she would fall in to a restless sleep.

I gave my client the assignment for 1 week that she had to embrace whatever it was she was doing. So if her alarm went off 60 minutes early she had to decide if she wanted to get up and workout or if she wanted to sleep in. The catch was she COULD NOT lay in bed and debate it, feeling guilty, she had to immediately make a decision, and then follow through. If she decided to work out she had to get up and work out if she decided to sleep then she had to REALLY sleep in and enjoy it. She couldn't just lay there as she has done in the past and spend the 60 minutes beating herself up for not working out. She either had to truly enjoy the 60 extra minutes of sleep or get up and workout.

She came back a week later and said that it was amazing how different her choices were. She was starting to learn to listen to herself and make intentional decisions. It wasn't that she got up every morning and worked out. Rather she paid attention to herself and when she needed more sleep she let herself sleep in for 60 extra minutes and when she wanted to workout but was just reluctant to do so she pulled herself out of bed and took a walk. She realized that her decisions became more deliberate and she started to let go of the guilt and the "shoulds". She started to live her life spending her time intentionally and not unconsciously. (Actually after a couple of weeks with this exercise she realized that the morning wasn't the best time for her to add a workout routine and she decided to add it in at lunchtime.)

So let's say that the kitchen needs to be cleaned but there is a good show on TV. You have to decide Do I want to clean the kitchen? Do I want to watch and enjoy the TV show? Do I want to record the TV show so I can watch it later? Because it is no longer an option to watch the TV show and not really enjoy it because you are feeling guilty for not cleaning the kitchen. Try it--I know it will make a big difference in your life!