The Joy of Summer Break

This weekend kicks off the official beginning to summer.  I have been thinking a lot about my summer's growing up---sleeping in, hanging by the pool, laughing with friends, limited responsibilities.  And then we grow up--and summer break becomes more of a myth then a reality.  Even if you do get to take 2 weeks of vacation it is usually hurried and rushed and you are just settling into vacation and it is over.

As much as I believe a 6 week vacation would not only be glorious but would help our world be a happier, more sane place; for most of us that break is not a reality.  One of the main complaints of my clients is that they don't have enough time.  Their lives are filled with too many to do's, too much stuff.  We can all relate to the rush, rush, rush of today's society.  Moving from one thing to the next, trying to check off the to do list, trying to accomplish something, trying to be better, stronger, thinner.

Have you ever asked yourself...

• What if I stopped pushing so hard?  
• What if I didn't accomplish everything on the to do list?  
• What if I took a morning off just to 'be'?  What if I got quiet with myself?  
• What if I spent the day playing, laughing, splashing in the pool, dancing to my favorite music, running through the sprinkler?
• What if life is really just made up of moments?  How am I spending mine?
• What if there is no RIGHT way to do life?

This summer I challenge you to ask yourself some of these questions.  I also challenge you to take a pause from the treadmill of life and take a break from your to-do list.

Implement small ways of savoring your summer break:

• Take your morning coffee and enjoy it on your back deck.
• Take time in the shower to really be thankful for your amazing body.
• Take an actual lunch hour--or at least a lunch 15 minutes and savor your lunch.
• Take a walk around the neighborhood and notice how it has changed.
• Play with your kids. 
• Lie on your back and watch the night sky.
• Remember the freedom of summer break and try to put bits of pieces of that back into your life on a daily basis.   

Remember that freedom of your summer break?  What did you love most about it?  Where can you add bits of a summer break into your life over the next few months?

The Oneness Perspective

It is my belief living happier and working happier is why you are here on this earth.  It is your duty, your obligation, and your mission to figure out what your gifts are and share them with the world.

I have noticed with my clients and myself, there tends to be two ways of looking at the world.

The Self vs. Other Perspective:  In this perspective, we see ourselves as isolated, alone, scared and limited.  Our ego and our Fear Mongers rule this perspective.  We see ourselves as separate from everyone else.  In this perspective we live in comparison, judgment, competition, fear and basically 'not good enough' mode.

The Oneness Perspective:  In this perspective there is no self and other.  We are all connected.  My energy and your energy come together for the higher good of the world.  Here we are all striving to be our best selves, grounded, connected and peaceful.  In this perspective we live in love, joy, fulfillment, passion and collaboration. This perspective is a space of sharing our gifts and building each other up to be our best.

When we live in the Self vs. Other perspective the message becomes to hold on to your gift, don't share it with the world (unless you can make a lot of easy money off of it).  This perspective gets us so caught up in comparing ourselves and doubting ourselves that our gifts become muddied and lost.

When we live in the Oneness perspective, the message is you are unique and wonderful; of course you should share your gift!  We can all learn and grown and become better human beings when we are living from our gifts.

Even as I write this blog my body changes position when I write about the two perspectives.  I notice I become slouched and tight when I write about Self vs. Other.  I sit up straighter and my shoulders expand out when I write about Oneness.  When we live from a competitive perspective we feel tight, closed off and limited.  When we live from a united perspective we feel open, free expansive.

So of course, we are going to live happier form the Oneness perspective.  So why don't we just stay there?!?  Well, unfortunately it is the human condition to be jumping from these two perspectives.

The key is in recognizing when you get caught up in the Self vs. Other perspective.  Awareness around when you are coming from a place of competition and comparison--how do you feel? What triggered the shift?  The next step, make a physical shift, take a walk, take three deep breaths, acknowledge the perspective and physically bring yourself back to a Oneness perspective.

There will be days you will repeat this cycle a hundred times.
There will be days you won't even notice that you are stuck in Self vs. Other
There will be days you will just wake up in Oneness and stay there all day.

The key is building awareness around what each of the perspectives feels like.  Then gradually moving yourself out of Self vs. Other and into Oneness, as often as you are aware.  The more often we live out of Oneness the happier we are, and the more frequently we practice pulling ourselves into Oneness the more often we will find ourselves there.

What does your Oneness perspective FEEL like?  What does your Self vs. Other perspective FEEL like?

A Juice Squeezed Situation

Frequently the phrase "juice squeezed" will come up in our house.  My nearest and dearest and his friends would use this phrase to talk about whether or not an idea was worth the effort.  Basically, is it worth the energy of squeezing the orange to get fresh juice or would juice from a can work?  If you have ever made juice by squeezing the fruit by hand you know it is A LOT of effort AND the juice itself is amazingly fresh. 

Frequently in life when we are making decisions, we are weighing two things, we have to make a trade-off and we have to choose.  To get the really fresh tasty juice, we will have to put a lot more time and energy into squeezing the oranges.  Even though we might always want fresh, tasty juice there are definitely situations when we are maybe short on time, short on energy, or both so canned juice will work just fine.

Here are some examples of what my nearest and dearest calls "Juice Squeezed Situations"

• You are invited to stay free at a friend of a friend's house on a vacation but you have to pay to fly there, take time off work and you will be responsible for their giant dog while you are there.  Sounds like a good idea because it is free, but are the other consequences worth the free vacation stay.  
• You get a job offer to do your one of your dream jobs but it requires you traveling 80% of the time and taking you away from your 3 little children and spouse. Is the job worth the trade off?  Is it worth the sacrifice you have to make to get it?
• You are offered a promotion but the new job take place in a windowless building?  Is it worth it to have your dream position but have no access to the outside world?

I confess I am one who always looks at the fresh tasty juice and thinks YES! I want some of that it is SO much better than the canned kind!!  However, I fail to look at the cost (to myself and others) of standing in front of the sink squeezing oranges.  So it has been a life lesson for me to ask myself what is the juice squeezed ratio here?  Is it worth it to take the dream job, if that takes me away from my family and leaves my spouse basically a single parent?  Am I looking at the WHOLE situation here?

I use this analogy a lot with my clients, having them look at an upcoming decision and asking--will this really make me happier?  Is the end result worth the extra time and energy?

Life is about choices, knowing your values, setting your intentions and looking at both the end result as well as the 'payment in time and energy' to get there are key. In order to weigh the outcomes of the Juice Squeezed situation you have to be clear on what it is you value and what your intentions are for your life.  From time to time we all need to look at the situation and ask ourselves--is this a Juice Squeezed Situation?

Doing the Work that Makes Your Heart Sing

Hands down one of my favorite conversation is talking with people who have found the work they love.  Individuals who have moved beyond their fears, and the 'who are you to do that' comments, people who have found a way to creatively live their life while doing what they love.

I think of my trainer, who is amazingly awesome at inspiring me to work out.  She 'kicks my ass' while also helping me to love working out. She shared with me recently that when she first graduated from college and was trying to figure out what she wanted to do for a 'real job' someone asked her,  "what do you like doing?" To which, she replied "I love working out" which was quickly met with --"Well you can't get paid to do that".  She tells me this story with a twinkle in her eye saying "Well, look at me now, I am getting paid to work out--how cool is that!!!"

Or the guy at the tea shop recently who waited on me and a friend.  I admit I know nothing about tea, I enjoy drinking it from time to time but it is not something I am passionate about nor do I have  a lot of knowledge about it.  After talking with the waiter, and hearing his passion about tea, I was hooked.  His love, passion and knowledge was contagious.  You could tell he loved working with tea, sharing his knowledge with other people and watching them enjoy their tea with a new understanding.  He admitted that tea was an unusual passion, but growing up the tea had been something he and his grandma had shared. He never thought he could get paid to work with or learn about tea!!

Or even the guy who we just hired to power wash our house.  As we talked with Paul he shared with us how much he loved power washing, how much he loved being outdoors, seeing the before and after results, and being a part of making the landscape prettier.  He had been told by his family that he needed to do a more 'traditional' job he couldn't just work outside for the rest of his life, he needed to do something more respectable.  So he went to college, tried to do a traditional 8-5 job and quickly realized that wasn't for him.  He missed being outdoors, missed doing what he loved. So he decided to start his own power washing business. As he talked his face lit up, he was animated, excited and down right joyous!!!  It was a thrill to talk to him abut what he does for a living and we didn't have to think twice about hiring him to power wash our house.

There is something that intrigues me about these stories, (and I have many, many more). Something that makes me go 'hmm' what do all these people have in common.

One: They didn't listen to what other people told them, the 'you can't do that' messages.  

Two: They tried other things, they tried to go against their passion but they inevitably came back to it.  

Three: They got creative, because they were open to their passions they were able to look at the world and see where their passions best fit the market place.  They were able to get creative about using their passion to serve the world. Chris Guillebeau talks about the topic of convergence today on his blog The Art of Non Conformity.

Four: Their passions were unique to them.  One reason I love hearing these stories is how different and unique the passions are--how one person can light up talking about power washing and another can light up about working out.

The point is it starts with one step:  getting honest and figuring what makes YOU light up, what makes your heart sing, what makes you down right giddy.  Getting clear on what that passion is might require you to think out of the box, say something off the wall or face the occasional 'you can't make a living doing THAT'.  But the first step is listening to that time voice inside saying--yep THIS is what I really love.

Living with Intent Can Change the World

Recently someone asked me what is one change you would like to see in the world--immediately I thought I want people to be more intentional about their lives.  I believe with intention comes happiness.  When we are living with intention, we will, by default, be happier.

So what is intention?  Intention means we have an internal resolution, goal or aim.  According to the American Heritage Dictionary, to act with intent means "to act with deliberateness",  When we live our lives with intent, being deliberate, having an aim purpose or objective...we are happier.  Too often we are living unconsciously and mindlessly.  We are in effect 'going through the motions of life'.  We are working at the job we 'should' be at, a job that 'looks good' or even a job we fell in to that we still 'kind of like' but not really.  We are engaging in activities we used to like but have grown tired and weary of them.  We are spending our energy doing activities and hanging with people that basically annoy us but we are too indifferent to make any changes.  This indifference, this lack of intent, is what I would like to change in the world.

Imagine a world where you were intentional in the activities you engaged in.  Imagine, when you participated in something you asked yourself:

• Do I like engaging in this activity?
• Is it serving me, my life or someone I loves' life by participating?
• Is this event engaging in one of my values?

By living a life with intent, we engage in activities we enjoy and serve our higher values, we give to others and gain from others in a way that makes us feel fulfilled, and we are aware of our thoughts, feelings and needs so we can more readily add to our lives that which makes us happier.

On a basic level, living with intention allows us to have activities and people who add to our lives in a meaningful way.  And on a deeper level, allows us to engage in activities and people in deeper more complex ways.  When we are intentional about not just the words we say but the meaning behind them we can communicate and engage with more authenticity and depth.

The kicker is that living with intention is hard (at least initially).  Living with intention requires honest, radical honesty. It requires clarity, vulnerability, patience and guts.  Living with Intention requires getting out of your comfort zone, off the treadmill and really engaging in that which makes your heart sing. For many people, intent is a new muscle and any time you move a new muscle you get sore.  You might shock some people, and bewilder others; it is all part of the process, my friend.

When you are living with intention your world opens up and you are fully feeling everything, you don't need to numb and disconnect because you are actually ENJOYING the activities and people you with whom you are engaging.  Doesn't that just sound amazing?!?!?!

So now it's your turn--what is one change you would like to see in the world?  It can be the world as a whole, or your small microcosm of the world.

Stepping into Your Passion

The more I work with clients in figuring out their passion, the more I am amazed at the depths we will go to in order to NOT do what we love.  Sounds crazy, but I swear it is true!!  One of the main reasons people initially contact me is that they are looking for more passion, more excitement in the work they do.    Yes, a big part of my job is to help people figure out what they are passionate about, but a larger part of my job is to give people the permission to go after what they are passionate about.

The process isn't necessarily in the naming, the process is in getting comfortable with what has already been named. When you finally get around to saying what it is you are passionate about, naming it, saying it can be THE hardest part!  Not because what your are doing or saying is so huge to the person you are saying it to, but it is so huge to you.  And the minute you say, yep I am going to be a farmer or I am going to be a teacher, nurse, architect, is the minute you hear all the voices in your head saying "what?!?! you can't do that, who are you do THAT".

Frequently I have met with clients, who have gone to school for a particular passion that at one time they loved and they loved it in school too--but when they got out of school, the voices were too great, the negativity too much and so they slowly convinced themselves that they didn't want to do the job they had gone to training for.  Even though they were trained, they loved it, they were happy...the voices were too much. When it comes to living happier, getting out our own way--is hands down one of the hardest things to do.

For me, the only way I know to get out of our own way is to remind ourselves it is a process that involves baby steps.  A process of naming your passion, owning it, identifying with it and working towards it--all while acknowledging but not listening to your fear mongers.

Recently a bit of this process happened for me.  I love writing, it is something I am passionate about and yet I have a hard time saying I am a writer. Recently I had someone ask me about becoming a writer, like me.  My first reaction was "WHAT?!? I am not a writer, followed by flashback to my high school writing classes where I never felt confident, I even saw the face of my high school teacher saying--writer, who are you kidding" My face, most have shown because the person replied, I mean you write all the time with your blog and articles and such, you consider yourself a writer yes?   I reminded myself that owning yes I am a writer--is all part of the process of embracing what you are passionate about.  And just like that I stepped into being a writer, mongers be damned.

So be patient with yourself--remember it is a  PROCESS--one that takes trial and error.  But the most important part of this process? Taking the first step and stepping into your passion.

What are you passionate about?  What do some of your fear mongers say about this passion?

Photo Credit:  Brett Jordan via Flickr

VLOG: What the Hell am I Saying to Myself

Today a quick video blog on the dangers of allowing your negative self talk to go unchecked. Recently I noticed that my mongers had taken up too much space in my head and how I handled it.