Wondering Wednesday: In what areas of your life do you need to slow down and savor?

Today is Wondering Wednesday--the day of the week that we discuss a question that makes you go hmmm.  Today's Wondering Wednesday is in what areas of your life do you need to slow down?



This questions is insprired by the video above that a friend of mine introduced to me about slowing down.  Actually it was created in Australia as a public service announcement to get drives to stop speeding, but they went about it in a totally unique way.  They actually display the benefits of slowing down, the positives of moving at a slower pace.

As I watched the video I thought of there areas where I operate on full speed, where I push myself too hard.  One obviously is the car, I tend to be a speeder.  I confess the biggest area I speed through is in my business, I tend to try to check things off the list, accomplish goals and set new ones with minimal time for celebration.  Unfortunately because I am moving so fast sometimes I miss those celebrations, I miss figuring out where I want to go next or what transition I want to make.  I get so far ahead of myself that I lose the joy and the passion in my career.  I think this happens to all of us, we get so caught up in 'what's next,' or our to-do list we forget the true reason we started the to-do list in the first place.

Fortunately, there are definitely times I pause, when I meet with a client, eating dinner with my nearest and dearest, walking my dog through the neighborhood, or having coffee with a friend.  The trick is adding more of these times into my life so I have natural 'slow down' spots in my life.  So when I get amped up too much in my business I can stop and regroup.

I wanted to share this video as a reminder that slowing down, savoring and truly enjoying it is what allows us to live happier.  It allows us to pause, reflect and gives us time to figure out what moves we might need to make next to build happier lives.

So where do you need to implement some 'slow spots' into your life?  What are some ways you slow yourself down?

Please feel free to share in the comment section--I'll go first...

*****************

Want to figure out what truly matters to you?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Happiness isn't Overrated--Our Definition is.

Credit: Is Happiness Overrated?  WSJ

A few weeks ago my mom passed an article to me from the Wall Street Journal called:  Is Happiness Overrated?   There are a lot of books, articles, speakers talking about how happiness is overrated.  Mostly from what I can tell the one thing this messages all have in common is their definition of happiness.

The idea that we can one day experience joy 24/7 have moments of sheer bliss and excitement is in my opinion a myth. The idea isn't to be utterly blissed out all the time.  The idea is to experience life with as much purpose, awareness and honesty as possible.  I think we hit a snag when we believe that we can maintain the pleasure and joy that comes from achieving a goal, winning a prize, and buying a new house, every day of our lives.

The bottom line, life is challenging, there is death, destruction, tsunamis, nuclear disasters all mixed in with promotions, births, marriages, new jobs and the experience of a really fantastic meal with good friends.

I don't believe happiness is overrated--I believe our definition of happiness is overrated.  I am not saying we need to start 'settling'.  Quite the opposite I believe we need to start engaging.  Stop striving for that next taste of happiness and start engaging with what we have now.  Start embracing our lives with curiosity and awareness.  Figuring out our sense of purpose, our reason for being on this planet and going after that full tilt, according to research THAT makes us happy.  But when we are constantly 'chasing' the ever allusive happiness, we miss the every day joys of dinner with your nearest and dearest, the greeting of your dog first thing in the morning, the first feel of sunshine through your sunroof in the Spring or simply crawling in to bed at the end of the day.

According to Dr. Diener a professor at the University of Illinois--Happiness comes from a focus on relationship and doing the work that you love!!   Living and Working Happier--embracing the life you have while discovering the life that makes your heart sing--that's happiness in my book.

*****************

Want to start working happier?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start figuring out how to help you live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Wondering Wednesday: What strategies do you use to handle stress?

Life is stressful. Day to day stressors can be enough to overwhelm us, and then from time to time we are thrown bigger more exhausting life stressors to deal with on top of that.  From finding your perfect career to doing a job search the process of change can be exhausting.  I admit lately, for myself I have been pretty stressed with life and this morning decided I need to remind myself of some stress relievers to ease the overwhelm.  So since it is Wondering Wednesday I thought I would throw it out to my readers too and ask--What do you do when you are feeling overwhelmed by life?  What are some methods you use to calm yourself down?

Here are some general ideas I use on a regular basis:
Talk to friends:  My friends are an invaluable resource.  Reaching out and gaining support (as well as enjoying a little laughter) can go a long way in easing the stress.

Move your Body: Whether it is a hard core workout or taking the dog for a walk, get out of the house, out of the stress and move your body. Our bodies release natural stress reducing chemicals that can help relax us.

Breathe: Sometimes in the midst of stress we forget to take deep breathes.  I have to regularly implement the take three deep breaths mantra into my daily life.

Regroup:  For me when I am stressed I need time alone, time to regroup.  Time to read, veg in front of the TV, or play mindless video games. Time to just be.

Treat yourself;  Maybe it is a warm bubble bath, a glass of wine (not the whole bottle, mind you, just a glass) a piece of chocolate or a favorite movie.  Something that let's you feel special and supported.

I would love to get some ideas for how you deal with stress?  What do you do to unwind, relax, and regroup?  See you in the comments section.

The Beauty of Learning and Re-Learning

Marilyn had spent many hours sitting at the bedside of her dying mother. . .most of the time Marilyn’s mother remained unconscious. . .One morning before dawn, she suddenly opened her eyes and looked clearly and intently at her daughter. “You know,” she whispered softly, “all my life I thought something was wrong with me". Shaking her head slightly, as if to say, “what a waste”, she closed her eyes and drifted back into a coma.-

--From the Book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

I think I have read this quote a million times, ok maybe more like 25 but still I have read it frequently and every time I read it takes my breath away.  Such a tragic statement--but so universal.  How many of us walk through life thinking something is wrong with us??  That we aren't strong enough, happy enough, smart enough , cute enough etc. What amazes me most about this quote is that every time I read it I have the same wow moment, the same feeling of tragedy and sadness and then the same thought of I don't want this to happen to me.  And then I go forth in my life, having good days and bad days and a few months later I pick up this book, read this line and think Oh my--that is so profound...I don't want that to happen to me and I have a similar 'ah-ha' moment.  Discouraging no?  I would actually argue no--well I would actually argue yes with a caveat.  Yes, it  can be discouraging that sometimes we need to be reminded repeatedly about an old lesson.  It can be discouraging that we feel like we are re-learning things over and over.   In reality, we are what I call spiraling up--we might be learning the same lesson again--but we are only learning bits of it again, not the whole lesson.  Now we are learning the lesson from where we are now vs where we were before.

The first time I read Tara's book Radical Acceptance the whole notion that I was lovable, worth valuable period was radical.  I remember writing it down on a piece of paper and looking at it each morning with a sense of wonder.  I couldn't imagine a day when I wouldn't think something was wrong with me.  Today I read that quote and I am reminded of the times that I feel something is wrong with me, they come in from time to time but they don't stick around for days or weeks on end.  The concept that I am lovable as is--isn't foreign or new to me, it is something that I may need a gentle reminder about from time to time.  So each time I read this quote I am reading it with new eyes, a fresh look at a familiar topic. An reminder of an old lesson from a new place.   

This quote serves to remind us is that we all have these thoughts, we all think we are unworthy and unlovable.  What I spend a majority of my job doing is helping people figure out not what they want to do for a career but helping them get out of their own way, helping them believe they are worthy of having a career that makes their heart sing.  And I do believe fear, doubt and pain are all part of the human condition. As are hope, excitement, joy, desire, passion and happiness.  The key is experiencing both--finding the yin and yang experiencing the pain without letting it hold us back from embracing the the joy and happiness. 

So here is to spiraling up and embracing the learning and re-learning that happens every day!! Here's to changing the notion from something is wrong with me to I am a wonderful work in progress, learning and re-learning every day!!

Wondering Wednesday: What are your rules?

Yesterday morning I was chatting with my nearest and dearest about the insane number of rules I have in my life.  Every now and then I catch myself living unconsciously, reverting back to the old habit of beating myself up for all the rules I am not following.  Most of my rules start out like this: Good people.... So I might say good people get up before 8pm, good people always read the paper, good people write their blogs first thing in the morning, good people respond to e-mails right away.  So today's Wondering Wednesday question is what are your rules?  What rules do you have that 'guide your life'?  These rules can be rigid to free flowing, simple to complex.  They appear unconsciously and they guide your life.

Yesterday I made it a point to listen to how many rules play in my head through out the day.   When I heard one I would say it out loud.  Fortunately, my nearest and dearest is a wonderful, patient man who listened each time I would discover a new rule.  Throughout the day I asked various friends, family, even clients what rules they made up for themselves and without much of a pause they litanied off 2 or 3 various rules.  The fascinating thing about these rules is that for some people the rule might be: good people get up early while others might have the complete opposite rule: good people sleep until they are well rested.  THAT is the infallibility of these rules--they are illogical 'rules', messages we received years ago that we have swallowed hook line and sinker and now we believe them without even thinking about it.

As I started saying my rules out loud I realized that I really was setting myself up to lose because I never celebrated once I hit one of the rules--I only beat myself up if I didn't,  So there was no winning in my rule game--only losing.  What fun is that??  A game you can never win--TOTALLY exhausting.    I believe unconsciously we create these rules in some strange way to help guide us through the grayness of life.  As humans we want to know right and wrong, black and white--and one of the great human struggles is in reality there are no absolute, there is just a lot of gray.  So we create these rules to help make sense of the gray.  I believe on some level we are trying to help ourselves deal with the stress of life with these rules, which is why the more stressed we are the more rules seem to appear.  Based on childhoods, personality types and life experience some of us are worse rule creators than others.  I confess it is a problem that I continually work on.

I am amazed how frequently clients come in and are stuck on a certain career or refuse to choose a certain career--simply based on their rules.  They have a rule that going back to school at 40 is a failure, changing careers is wrong or they really want to be a nurse but all nurses are mean because they had a nurse once who was mean.  Regardless of WHY the rules are there, they have rules that limit their lives. Much of my work is bringing these rules to light and helping clients build awareness around them.

So today we are bringing our rules our into the open--the only way to defeat them is to start noticing them.  To start announcing them out loud whether to your nearest and dearest, to yourself in the car or in the comment section of this blog.  We have to start announcing our rules so we can begin to see the absurdity of this black and white thinking. I guarantee the more people that share the more people will have different rules about the same thing.  Because here is the kicker--life doesn't really have a right way and a wrong way--it doesn't matter if you get up early, or sleep in until noon--we are all doing the best we can with what we have, trying to live happier more fulfilling lives--so give yourself a break and remember you are good, no matter what!!!

Please feel free to share in the comment section--I'll go first...

*****************

Want to stop living your life based on irrational rules?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Work Happier Spotlight: Tara Sophia Mohr

Today I am so excited to bring you my first ever audio Work Happier Spotlight.  An interview with Tara Sophia Mohr.  Tara is a life coach and writer, I have been following her blog Wise Living for awhile now and I find it extremely inspirational.

Tara has an interesting background--getting a degree in Poetry and from Yale and then her MBA from Stanford she brings a wonderful combination of the mystical and the practical into her work.

In the interview we discuss the power of fear in our lives as well as the issue of playing small vs. playing big.  The interview is packed full of great information and also was a great challenge to the perfectionist in me to just go with it when glitches arose--you will hear what I mean.

Speaking of playing big--Tara is getting ready to launch a fantastic program called--Playing Big--which I am totally excited to be taking participating in.  You can too!  By clicking here.

Find out more about facing your fears, the power of the fear monger and Tara's new on-line course by clicking the play button below.

Click below to listen--the interview runs about 25 minutes.

If you are reading this via e-mail, click here to access the interview on the web.

Click here for more information

Blog posts we refer to during this interview.

A Lesson in Facing my Fear Monger

The Suffering of Fear

What is your Fear Monger Saying to You

Defeating the Fear Monger

Attack of the Fear Monger

Wondering Wednesday What makes your heart sing?

In the spirit of following our hearts, living our lives with passion and letting go of the voice that says we are selfish, today's Wondering Wednesday question is what makes your heart sing?  What makes you absolutely giddy?  What causes you to get up off the couch and lose track of time for hours at a time?  It could be something as small as reading a good book to teaching students the quadratic equation.  Whatever it is the first step is to name it, then pay attention to what it feels like when you engage in it, figure out what you specifically enjoy about it and finally figure out how to add more of it to your life!!

The more we engage in activities that make our heart sing obviously the happier we are in our lives.  Duh--it seems so simple, but in reality even though we know this principle we have a hard time implementing it.  Life gets in the way...we get tired... beaten down... busy with other things... and we forget what it felt like to be engaged in life from the heart.  We forget the utter joy that comes from living with passion.  For most of us we only allow this feeling when we are on vacation--maybe you allow yourself to get lost in a really good mystery novel, or you spend hours studying the modern art in a museum, or your could swim for hours with the fish.  We all know the feeling...and we deny ourselves that joy.

Once I started paying attention to what makes my heart sing and adding it to my life--I stopped saying to myself I SHOULD be happy--because it was then that I knew what made ME happy and I started to figure out how to implement.  And still to this day after years of practicing, I get caught up in my to do list or my SHOULDs and I have to remind myself to get back to basic and go back to what I love.  I sometimes have to physically pull myself off my treadmill (and thankfully have good friend who will pull me off too) and start adding 'heart singing activities'.

It is all a process and the process starts with naming;  What makes your heart sing??  Feel free to share it in the comments section below--I'll go first!

*****************

Hot off the presses...the March Work Happier Newsletter-check it out!!!  Need some help figuring out your what makes your heart sing?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

When Did Working Happier Become Selfish??

Recently I have had a few clients say to me that they want to live a life that makes their heart sing--they want to go back to school, start a different job, take on a new challenge but they are are afraid that they are being selfish.  Yes, selfish.  The idea that doing what you love, going after your dream and living a life that you are passionate about is selfish makes me so sad.  According to Webster Dictionary selfish means; concerned excessively or exclusively for oneself; seeing or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others.  

Somewhere a long the line we got the idea confused that if we change our life direction, spice up our lives, make a shift, or even do what's best for us (even if it's out of the norm) we are being selfish.  WRONG.  For example, here's Sharon.*  Sharon has 2 children age 4 and 7. She is active in her children's lives and enjoys being a mother who participates in her children's day to day activities.  She has taken the safe traditional route, graduated from college, gotten a quality job and now works part time to take care of the children.  She woke up recently and asked herself is there more out there?  I want to live my life with more passion and  excitement then what I have now.  I want to engage in a job that is uniquely me, to find a career that makes my heart sing to be well rounded and vibrant.  She is sick and tired of feeling hum-drum as if life is passing her by.  She makes an appointment to come in and see me.  For the first 3 sessions she is totally pumped about her new ideas, the new potential of her life, she is vibrant and engaged in the possibilities.  She is thinking about dreams that have long been buried, she is exploring ideas that have been pushed to the side and forgotten.  Then session 4 she walks in the office and she says, I can't make theses changes, I am being selfish, I am not thinking of my family, I am putting my needs first.

Whoa, back up the bus...by figuring out what you love, by determining ways to make yourself happy, show your little girls what it means to find your joy...you are being selfish?  I think not.  By limiting herself to a life of humdrum mediocrity..this is what I have always done, Sharon is showing her children life is meant to be boring and mediocre.  She isn't challenging her daughters to go after their dreams, get an education, be all they can be.  She is proving to them that life is stagnant and stale and the joy ends after you turn 35.

Yes it would be selfish to leave your children for good, hike across Zimbabwe and never look back.  But going after your dreams?  Expanding your activities to include things that makes your heart sing?  That isn't' selfish that is fully engaging in life.

So the next time you start dreaming about what 'could be next' and the thought "I am too selfish" pops into your head, stop yourself?  Are you really selfish?  Or are you just wanting to live with passion and power.  It is when we embrace our power, accept our passion we become the best us possible.  In fact I would argue it is selfish to NOT share our gifts with the world. It is selfish to live small, to not face our fears or face our fears. When we show our children and those around us what it means to grab life by the horns and fully engage in a job we love and a life that enriches us we are giving them the greatest gift possible, our selves. We are showing them happiness IS possible, life IS full of ups and downs, making your heart sing is not selfish it is a duty to ourselves.

*Sharon is a completely fictional character. 


Thanks to wonderferret for the freaky display of selfish.

*****************

Ready to find the work that makes your heart sing?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and moving beyond selfishness into vibrancy!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

The Power of Story Listening

I am so excited today to be part of the 835 story tour.  Stories are such an integral part of how we think, feel, share, and express our lives. We talk in stories, dream in stories, think in stories--our lives are one giant story.  Too often we share our stories as if they were news reports or weather bulletins leaving out all the wonderful juicy details.  Our stories express our gifts, experiences, doubts, fears, joys, insecurities, power, and relationships.

A few years ago I was traveling solo across the country. One of my favorite things about traveling solo is the number of heartfelt stories I hear.  At one of the bed and breakfasts where I was staying I struck up a conversation with one of the owners.  As we were talking her dad called and their conversation reminded me of one that I would have frequently with my own dad.  After she hung up the phone I told her so.  She then shared with me that her mom just died a month ago. She shared (after I asked) that although her mom had been frail she died rather suddenly and her dad was now 'broken hearted'.  As she was sharing her story I could see the mixed emotions in her face  a. she needed to share her story talk and b. she didn't want to burden a complete stranger.   As I walked back to my room,  I was struck by how honored I felt that she shared such an intimate story with me--here it is almost 3 years later and I still remember the story.  I remember her story as I go through my own issues with aging parents.  Listening to her not only helped her but it helped me.  That is the beauty of being both a story teller and a story listener.

It strikes me how rare it is to have people who REALLY listen to our stories without judgment or advice or wanting to share their own story.  It is unusual to be in the presence of someone and feel that at ease with just being in our story, no questions, no judgments, no advice, no analyzations just the story.

As Michelle at Wicked Whimsy shared yesterday how our stories hold a lot of insights and importance.  It is vital to have someone in our lives who serves as a witness.  Someone who can be present to our words and our stories.The wonderful concept of 'holding the space' for someone. When we are able to share our stories in a loving supportive environment we are able to hear ourselves talk, to grow, learn, process and be happier.  As a career counselor the first thing I do is openly listen to client stories--we can gain such rich nuggets of life experience, the joys and the pain, which then allows us to move forward in a life we love!

To be truly heard by someone is a gift, both to ourselves and the listener.  Who do you have in your life who truly listens to your stories?  Whose stories do you truly listen to?


Thanks to Nick Piggnott for the perfect StoryTeller Photo

Wanting to write your next story or process through an old one?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start building the story where you live and work happier!!  Not in Columbus?--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Wondering Wednesday: What is your definition of living happier?

Time once again for Wondering Wednesday.  It continually amazes me how quickly the weeks fly by--guess that means we are having fun, yes?  So the Wondering Wednesday:  is what is your definition of living happier?  I thought with all this Live Happier. Work Happier chatter--it might make sense to define it for yourself.

So frequently we define happiness or living happier as a state or  a place we will achieve and once we get there all will be well.  But we all know in reality, once we achieve that goal/idea we are quickly on to the next thing.  Today as you ponder your definition of happiness:  What does it feel like?  Does it feel peaceful, content, joyous, blissful, anger-free, stress-free?  In the state of living happier Are you doing something you love?, Joining with someone you love?  What does your life look and feel like?  What is your state of mind? Who are you surrounding yourself with?  What are your thoughts/beliefs?

All of these questions go into living happier.  Living happier isn't just one thing.  It is a combination of beliefs, people, activities and state of mind.

What is your definition of Living Happier? How will you know when you are living or working happier?  Feel free to share it in the comments section below--I'll go first!

A fun announcement....Later this week I will be taking part in the Story Tour over at Eight Thirty Five--led by Shenee Howard--Check it out and get a taste of some fabulous bloggers and their take on the power of story.

Thanks to ernohannink for the photo representation of happiness. 

*****************

Need some help figuring out your definition of living happier?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

A Lesson in Facing My Fear Monger

Yesterday I had the wonderful privilege of interviewing via the phone one of my favorite bloggers--Tara Sophia Mohr.  I am hoping to post the interview sometime next week.  Not only once the interview fabulous, but the lessons learned prior to it were priceless. So I decided to share them here today.

I had asked Tara to do the interview for the Work Happier Spotlight feature on my blog, a few weeks ago.  I  confess e-mailing someone I don't know is scary--but since I asked all of you to do it in the informational interview blog post I thought I could do it too.  I have done this before for other Work Happier Spotlight posts so I wasn't as nervous as my first one.  However, Tara, challenged me a bit and asked me if I would be willing to do a phone interview rather then the standard 'I e-mail her questions, she writes the answer'.  I admit, I have never done a phone interview before that has been recorded and then published to my site.  You probably remember how I had to face my fears to do my first video blog, while I love technology you can't always count on it so it can be a bit scary.  But I agreed, with a full heart and lots of excitement I decided to embrace my lack of knowledge and branch out into the world of audio.

I sent her my questions before hand organized my thoughts and I was ready.  And then Monday morning rolls around--if I am completely honest it started Sunday evening--I started obsessing about all the things that COULD go wrong, my fear monger went a little crazy and I pretty much flipped out.  By Monday morning I was a mess--just a stressed out mess.  On my way to the gym I just kept telling myself once it is 2pm you can relax, you can relax at 2pm--only 4 more hours to go.  And then I caught myself and I realized, I wasn't dreading this phone call.  In reality I was looking forward to it.  I was excited to talk to Tara, hear what she had to say and share my own bits of wisdom.  Yet, my first reaction was to start the count down to when it would be over.  Hands down I think one of the hardest things as a human being is to hold both--to hold 2 opposite things at the same time, to hold my fear and my excitement, to hold my nervousness and my exhilaration.  Too often we want to make it all black and white, turn the either/or into an absolute.

Right then and there I had a little talk with my fear monger.  I asked her to come out and be seen and to share what she was scared about.  Once I gave her a voice, her fears were pretty minimal.  Basically I was afraid I would look stupid, say something totally off beat and look like a fool.  When I took the time to let her voice be heard, I was able to hear that there really wasn't that much to be afraid about.  Too often we let the fear monger's voice fill our heads with a dull rhythmic tone not really paying any attention to it but giving it way too much power in the process.

So I thanked my little girl (my fear monger is a little girl) for trying to help and told her you know i have had a lot of education, done a lot of reading and been around the block a few times I was confident my 38 year old self could handle it.  And poof she was gone--I admit, she tried to come back a few times but when I heard her voice starting up softly in the background I placed my hands over my heart and quietly said, "I've got this one" and she quieted back down.  It is those rituals that allow us to move forward, face our fears, do the things that scare us, and allow ourselves to grow.  When we don't make these physical and mental shifts we get stuck doing what we have always done and getting what we always get.

Fortunately the phone call went wonderfully--it was by no means perfect, I hung up on Tara within the first 5 minutes, someone came to the door in the middle of our conversation and we didn't cover all of the topics.  BUT we made connection, we had a great conversation, we laughed and I faced a fear.  Both my little girl and I hung up feeling very happy.

A quick but cool aside...Later this week I will be taking part in the Story Tour over at Eight Thirty Five--led by Shenee Howard--Check it out and get a taste of some fabulous bloggers and their take on the power of story.

Thanks to Trace Meek for the cool phone photo.

*****************
Need some help facing your own fear monger?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!