This stuff is HARD

Lately I have been struggling with the self help industry--the number of books and blogs and e-books that are out there to help us figure out how to feel better about ourselves/our lives/our relationships/our careers. It is incredible to me the sheer number of 'stuff' that is out there. I use to be a self help fanatic--thinking maybe if I bought THIS book or downloaded THIS pamphlet I would finally get control of my life and feel better. Finally I realized the books weren't going to help--yes they have good techniques and insights, but the bottom line is--this stuff is hard. Learning, growing, changing. trying to be a better person--all very hard!! It is hard to live in the present, be aware of your negative thoughts, engage in deep breathing, communicate your needs and push through your fear--all while eating healthy, doing some type of work out and just plan living your life!!! But I know when I try when I get up each morning and just TRY to implement one or two things I feel better--I am happier when I am intentional about my life--when I catch myself 'what ifing' or when I notice the beat down I am giving myself because I haven't accomplished what I thought I would. Do I do this every minute of every day? No way--do I do it most days, yes.

I guess I just needed to admit as someone who works in the 'self help' arena--there is no magic way to find happiness no magic 10 steps or magic book or magic pill for that matter. There is just honest to goodness struggle--being honest with ourselves and our significant others. Being aware of ourselves as we move through life and having genuine non-judgmental curiosity about ourselves and our friends/partners. There will be days when we hit the mark when we are present and centered and living all the self help principles. There will be days when we miss the mark completely--when we question if we have learned anything in this process. It is those days when we have learned the same life lesson for the 5th time and we wonder if we are really making any progress at all that we need to put away the baseball bat that we use to beat ourselves with and recognize this stuff is HARD and tomorrow is another day.

When life gets tough and you fall into bed exhausted give yourself a break and remember: Life is a process and we are all doing the best we can with what we know right now.

What If I am wrong?

I have noticed the theme lately in my clients that they are paralyzed by self doubt and fears. The questions they ask are different--is this the right job for me? --should I stay in this relationship? ---should I take the job out of state? Basically all their questions come down to the fear of what if I am wrong? What if I make the wrong choice and I look like an idiot or what if I end up in pain because I made the wrong choice?

Anytime we are asking 'what if' we tend to get into trouble because the source of what if is the longing for control. Unfortunately there is no such thing as control in this world. We are at the whim of our decisions or the whim of the gods--whatever you believe. But regardless we have no control. How frustrating is that?!?! No control?!! Unfortunately, there is no way to look into the future and have a guarantee that our decision is a good one and that we won't be wrong. We can ask ourselves 'what if' until the end of time and we still won't know. We simply have to use all our best resources, get all the facts, follow our guts and make the leap.

Some of the best decisions I have made have been perceived as 'wrong'. Because they didn't work out the way I thought they would or because I did end up experiencing heart ache. However, they were good decisions because they have allowed me to learn more about myself--see the world in a new way and get to the juicy marrow of the life. So my argument to what if I am wrong? is so what? If you aren't making decisions you aren't living your life--you are paralyzed by indecision--paralyzed by fear--sometimes you just have to make the leap.

Do you have something you are debating in your life? Something you really want to do but are afraid to make a commitment? Make the leap and recognize there is no wrong--there is just life.