Love, Weddings, and Living Happier

So today I have some big news.  Some big news in my personal life  Some news I never thought I would be sharing let alone on my blog. Over the weekend I got engaged, yep the nearest and dearest and I are tying the knot!!  I have to confess--I NEVER thought I wanted to get married, after years of singledom I have found a wonderful, supportive, funny guy and we are making it official.  So this week has been a flurry of wedding wishes/plans/laughter/announcements and just down right fun. This week has been a wonderful reminder to me that life is not just made up of one area but a wonderful mixture of friends, family, work, interests, loves and activities.

First thing my nearest and dearest and I said to each other was that we wanted a wedding that was true to us as a couple.  We made a pact to not get caught up in all the wedding hype and have a wedding that expresses our values and our life.  We are crafting a wedding day that will be authentic to who we are and what we want to share with our friends and family.  Similarly to the message of building our lives in a way that expresses our values and interests.  The glitch I have already found (and I am only 4 days in) is that people have a lot of opinions of what a wedding SHOULD look and feel like.  Not necessarily those people closest to me but the outliers in my life, the peripherals if you will have many thoughts on what should be done.  It is challenging to buck the trends, go against the grain and plan a wedding that makes our heart sing :)

What I realized is that planning a wedding is a small microcosm of planning ones's life.  So often in life we run up against people--usually those who are NOT very close to us--telling us what we SHOULD do or how we SHOULD live our lives and we have a hard time shaking them off and moving forward.  It is my belief the only way to do live a life that is true to you, that is indeed working and living happier is to make the same pact with yourself that my nearest and dearest and I made with each other.  From here forth I am living a life that is true to me, true to my values, true to my authentic self.  That needs to be set in stone--then as people start pecking away at your dreams, ideas, and baby steps.  You can quietly remind yourself this is MY LIFE, I get to make the decisions.

Here's to creating lives and weddings that authentically express our souls!!

Thanks to LadyDragonFlyCC--February Blues for the great proposal pic!

Wondering Wednesday: What Small Steps can you Take Today to Implement your Dream?

Last week I the Wondering Wednesday question was--What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?  and we had some awesome answers.   The challenging part of the question--part 2 if you will--is this week's wondering Wednesday question.  How can you start slowly implementing your answer into your every day life?;   How can you start dipping your toe into the water so to speak?

Maybe your dream is to go back to school and become a nurse.  But you hear all these voices in your head (real or imagined) that say that is too hard, you won't be able to finish it, dealing with patients is too difficult on and on and on. So many of my clients spend the first sessions just allowing themselves the chance to dream, to think without judgment what they might do. So first step admit your dreams, then start paying attention to those voices.  Frequently people get stuck at this first step. The voices become so debilitating that they don't move forward.  The key is to plow ahead, notice the voices and then take small safe steps to moving yourself towards your dreams.   Admit those voices are there and then start implementing little by little small changes.  Maybe it is just researching nursing schools or talking to friends who are nurses.  Or simply saying out loud to yourself, 'you know some day I want to be a nurse'.  Whatever you can do to dip your toe in the water.

So often our dreams and wishes get buried by fears of judgments either self judgements or judgements that we have heard from other people.  If we don't start speaking these dreams out loud they will be buried forever.  I am not saying you need to go out today and make a plan to accomplish all your dreams.  I am saying go today and name one little thing you can do that moves your toward your dreams.

If you didn't answer part one of the question, please do so and then think about part 2: How can you start slowly implementing your answer into your every day life? What SMALL steps can you make towards your dream?  Even if those steps are saying it out loud to those closest to you.  Or writing down the steps you would take to accomplish it.  Or researching people who have done something similar. The key is to start taking action, one step in front of the other and then simultaneously paying attention to those voices of judgment and that rise up and just notice them.  Just notice them.  Today acknowledge  your dreams, take one small action step and pay attention to what happens.

Feel free to share it in the comments section below--I'll go first!

Thanks to little azorean for the beautiful photo of dipping your toes in the water.  

Wanting to fight through the judgement on your dreams (real or imagined)-I can help.  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Fighting for our Dreams

Last week, I did a post on the Suffering of Fear.  Then over the weekend, BigLittleWolf wrote a post about fear that really struck me, check it out here.  What struck me about her post was the slow progression of fear.  I see it in my clients, they come to me after having a moment of 'clarity'.  For some it is a big moment, a death of someone close, a job loss of a job they really didn't like, hitting a birthday which for them is a major milestone.  For others, it might be something small, something they read (like my blog!), a conversation with a friend or just a remembering back to a past time when they had more hopes and dreams.  For most of my clients, there is a feeling of a proverbial line in the sand.  A 'this is it, I am done putting my life on hold'.  They have realized for whatever reason that they have been allowing fear to infiltrate too much of their lives and now they want to make some changes.

However, it is rare, that they articulate the word fear.  Maybe because they don't recognize it as such, but also because we just don't like to admit it is out there.   Fear is always lurking there, keeping us stuck, keeping us safe and justifiably status quo. We might blame it on finances, children, life choices or even their spouse.  But rarely do we realize fear is what is holding them back.  Which is why I was struck by BigLittleWolf's wonderfully eloquent description of how fear takes a hold of our lives and convinces us that we are justified in expecting second best, in sacrificing our dreams for our families or the greater good.

Because bottom line we do all have responsibilities, we can't all run out and do what we dreamed of doing in our teens or 20s.  We have bills, mortgages, children and spouses.  So what are we suppose to do with those dreams of our childhood/early adulthood.  Just let them die??  I can't count the number of times I have made a clients face light up simply by asking them 'What did you dream of doing as a teenager?'.  Almost always, they get a mischievous grin on their face and a far away look and they start describing in crystal clear detail their dream as a child.  

I don't believe those dreams die.  They might get buried, beaten-up or berated. But they don't disappear.  They come knocking in the quiet moments after the kids go to bed, at 3am when you can't sleep or on your drive home from another soul draining day at the office.  They are there 10 seconds, 20 seconds or even 60 seconds and then fear steps in and like a blanket over a fire, squelches the thought and feeds you all the justifications for letting those dreams go once and for all.

I am here to tell you the gift you can give yourself is to keep fighting for those dreams, keep believing, thinking and scheming on keeping them a reality.  As we begin to being our dreams into the light , we can decrease the power of the unconscious blanket of fear.  I know without a doubt the more we can mix our dreams into our real, practical day to day lives--the happier we will be.

Wanting to fight for your dreams but not quite sure how? I can help.  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Wondering Wednesday: What Would You Do Differently, if you Knew No One Would Judge you?

Hard to believe it is time for yet another installment of Wondering Wednesday.  Today's question is a going to be fun:  What would you do differently, if you knew nobody would judge you?  

 I admit, this one even gave me pause to say, 'hmm'.  It is a complex question--I think the hardest part in formulating an answer is separating your judgement from other people's.  So often, we incorporate others judgements into our own psyche.   OR we put our own judgements of ourself onto other people.  For example, we tend to assume that other people see us as overweight or unorganized, when in reality that is how we see ourselves.  So this is an interesting slant on what would YOU do if you would have total support.  The other challenging part of this question is the inevitable follow-up to your answer, so why aren't you doing it?

For example, one of my answers would be to get a tattoo.  I know many of those close to me (especially my family) would be like what are you doing to your body?  But in reality, they would love me regardless of my tattoo (after a little ridiculing).  Bottom line I am scared to get a tattoo, scared of the pain, the permanency, the sagging and wearing as I get older.  It is me who is scared of the tattoo process and when I am honest with myself THAT is what is holding me back.  But it is safer to blame others, to blame my fear of judgement rather than to admit that it is my own fear.  

But today, we are just asking what would you do--the why aren't you doing it? part is for another Wondering Wednesday.  Just for today, ask yourself the question--what would you do differently, if you knew no one would judge you?  And stop your judgments there. I promise will come back to the inevitable second part later, maybe even next Wednesday.....

What would you do differently, if you knew no one would judge you?   Feel free to share it in the comments section below--I'll go first!

Thanks to CarbonNYC for the wonderful 'wagging of the finger' picture.

Wanting to fight through the judgement on your dreams (real or imagined)-I can help.  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

A New Take on Job Search Sites.

When one is looking for a job logically the first thing we tend to do is do a search on Monster, career-builder or even snag a job.  If you search on Google for "job search" over 1,000,000 sites appear.  These sites can be daunting, exhausting and humiliating.  I have talked to many clients who spend hours looking at job sites, submitting resumes and feeling discouraged and depleted.  These sites are kind of like a smoke and mirrors game, they make job searchers THINK they are doing something productive in their job search, they are applying to jobs, letting employers know they are out there and qualified.  Initially, maybe yes, but over time and after hearing little or no response from potential employers job searchers begin to feel disenfranchised by this job search method.  Thus the smoke and mirrors, you are doing SOMETHING, you are applying to jobs, but what you aren't doing is connecting with people, talking with people, showing people your unique gifts.  You along with thousands of other people are sitting behind a computer screen, submitting a resume and cover letter over and over and over.  So it is understandable why these sites leave us feeling down and depleted.

It is like my experience with dating sites.  When I was single whenever I would start to have an itch for a relationship and think I should DO something about my yearning for a partner, I would get on Match or e-harmony.  I would take the test, fill out the profile, send a few e-mails and even go on a few dates (i.e interviews).  Initially I would feel like I was taking control, taking charge, taking action.  Then after a few bad dates or a couple unanswered e-mails I would get discouraged and depressed and would think why am I doing this to myself and I would remove from my profile from all the dating sites--only to have the whole cycle repeat again in a few months.  It is a similar cycle for my clients with job search sites--only they NEED a job to survive, finding a romantic partner was a desire of mine not a need to put food on the table.  

So what is a person to do?  Fortunately I have a solution.  First off, do a job search, look on Monster, CraigsList, Career Builder, etc.  Pull up all the available jobs in your area and then read them with an open mind and an open heart.  Yes, some of them will be too little education or too much education. And some of them will have too little money, crappy hours or unsuitable job activities.  I want you to take out of piece of paper and make 2 columns.  On one column write Job Traits I Like and then list out each of the job traits from each description you enjoy.   Maybe there is a job for a truck driver, the hours are bad, and it isn't in your field of study but the thought of being in a truck alone listening to tunes and seeing the open road is appealing to you.  Write it down.  Maybe there is a job for a bartender the pay isn't what you want but the idea of chatting with people from behind the bar appeals to you.  Write it down.  In the second column, write down all the deal breakers, for example, not enough money, not using your education, travel, 100% commission sales jobs,  etc.  

Now take the first list (job traits you enjoy) and see if any patterns emerge, any specific job traits or titles repeat.  Start grouping the list into job traits or titles that repeat.  Then do the same for the DealBreakers Column.  If you have a grouping of titles that appeal to you go ahead and apply for those jobs on the job search site(s) of your choosing.  But I also want you to go one step further---start brainstorming:  Where do people that do these jobs hang out?  What firms/businesses do they work in?  Who do I know that works in or close to this industry?  Then start scheduling some informational interviews with these people.  Start attending networking events where these individuals might be.  Start reading articles and commenting on local blogs or on-line resources about your area of interest.  Start exploring the websites of companies you want to work for and slowly making inroads into getting to know people who work there. 

Similar to dating, job searches end once you make the right connections.  Connections can be started on-line but eventually they have to take place in person face to face.  It is a numbers game, the more connections you make and the more open you are the more successful you will be at getting off the job search sites and into a dream job.

Need help deciphering your 2 lists?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and skype!!

Valentine's Day: It's Bigger then Just Going to Jared

Today is Valentine's Day.  Expectations are high that suddenly we will all turn into romantic, rich, beautiful, energetic, sexy people.  On this day, we will find our perfect match and he/she will suddenly become the romantic, thoughtful, flawless person we have always wanted.  At least that is what the marketing gurus at Jared Jewelers, 1-800-flowers and Hallmark have led us to believe.

Try as we might it is hard to let go and not succumb to the pressure this holiday put on us.  If we are single, we feel less than, because we don't have a significant other to share this high holiday.  If we are in a relationship, we feel a lot of pressure to live up to the grand gestures and romantic dialogue that has been drilled into us since January 1.

In reality, the focus of the holiday is a good one.  This day, February 14th is about LOVE.  It has been twisted and demented into an impossible level of romantic love.  But love has many shapes and forms, the love we have for our life partners, the love we have for our best friends, the love we have for our family members, the love we have for our animals and the love we have for ourselves.

This holiday isn't about living up to what Kay Jewelers says romance is--it is about appreciating those people in our lives who love us know matter what.  It is about expressing our love to the people who hold our hands and pull us through the tough times.  Showing how much we care to the people who laugh with us until our sides hurt and celebrate our victories.  So today, take the time to express to those closest to you how much they mean to you.  We all need our tribe of people to make this world a little happier.

I found this quote today and couldn't resist posting it here in honor of Valentine's Day--this is love:

We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love

---Author Unknown. 

Thanks to qthomasbower for the amazing photo!!

The Suffering of Fear

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.

--Thomas Merton

A few weeks ago I was looking through some old boxes and I found this random saying on a piece of paper from a 'quote a day' calendar.  Over a period of days I thought about this quote, and would pull out the now crumbled piece of paper and think on it.  Every time I read it I thought, 'huh, this is SO true' and then I would stick it back in my bag and go about my day.

When I first started working with careers--I did a lot of work with values, interests, skills etc.  The standard 'career stuff' but the more I worked with clients and talked to people I realized, it isn't so much that people don't KNOW what they want to do it is they don't know HOW to do it in the face of all the fear and self doubt that springs forth.  And so in order to avoid the suffering they think the fear monger will cause, people continue doing a job they don't enjoy and living a life that is mediocre.  Gradually, over the years (usually around the time they come to see me) they have an inkling that maybe living a life in avoidance of the fear isn't the answer, maybe the answer is figuring out how to face the fear and make small, tiny changes so they can be happier.

I love this quote by Thomas Merton because in a nut shell it describes my job and my role as a career counselor.   My job is to help people ease their own suffering by helping them find ways to ease their fear around finding and then doing the career that makes their heart sing.  When we aren't living a life that is congruent with our values, and fulfilling our life mission because we are too afraid, then slowly, gradually over time we will start to show signs of wear.  Anxiety, fear, self doubt and negativity around all areas of our lives.will increase.  These 'insignificant things' as Merton calls them begin to be a larger and more challenging obstacle then merely facing the fears of our dream work.   You have heard the stories, someone is miserable in their life so they blame their wife and get a new one, they blame their job so they get a new one, or they blame the city they live in so they move.  Gradually over time they become more and more miserable, never realizing that the whole time the 'blame' was on them for not being honest with themselves about where the change begins;  with them facing their own fears.

So yes, my real job title is career counselor, but in a lot of ways I am like a fear counselor.

Need help figuring out what fears are holding you back? I can help.  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and skype!!

Wondering Wednesday: What Mark Do You Want to Leave on the World?

Welcome to Wondering Wednesday.  This is the post of the week where I give you something to ponder, to wonder about as you move through your day.  I also encourage you to post your response in the comment section, if you are so inclined.  Frequently by speaking our desires (or in this case writing them) they become more 'real' more fine tuned and therefore more easily attainable.

So today's wondering Wednesday questions is What mark do you want to leave on the world?  If you could leave the world with just one piece of information, talent, idea, activity or thought what would it be?  I believe we all have a reason for being here a purpose/passion/mission.  For some of us that mission is also something we get paid for e.g. teacher, fire fighter, counselor, financial planner.  For others it is something we do in addition to what we get paid for e.g. parent, teacher, foodie, musician.  Although, I believe we can do what we love AND get paid for it, the most important mission in our live is to figure out what we love and why we are here--regardless of money. Sometimes we get so stuck on "how am I going to paid for this _____?" we can't be open to answer the question what is the mark I want to leave on the world?  FIRST you have to answer that question, THEN you can figure out how to get paid for it.

The mark we leave on the world is as unique as we are.  It might start out by being something as broad as: being a good mother, and then as you think about it and gradually peel back the layers, it might be teaching your little girl's to love and honor their bodies' no matter the size and shape.  OR teaching your children that the environment is dying and we owe it to the world to be good stewards of it's gifts.  Your  mark could start out by being to make a healthy meal for your loved one's and then fine tune it to be:  to include variety and health into all your meals so you family learns the power in healthy organic eating.  As you think about it and get more and more clear, you will probably develop more than one mark you want to leave on the world.

So today think about what mark you want to leave on the world?  Feel free to share it in the comments section below--I'll go first!

Thanks to Hampton Roads Partnership for the wonderful picture.

Need help figuring out your mark?  Or maybe you have it but don't know what to do next?--I can help.  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and skype!!

How to Make Informational Interviewing Less Painful

Informational Interviewing, Networking, Connecting what ever word you want to use it is the bane of all career searchers existence.  Number one way to learn more about a career you are interested in: Informational Interview.   Number one way to find a job: Network. Building connections, talking to other people, reaching out--is HARD, it is challenging, it can be down right painful AND it has to be done.  If you are going to find a career that makes your heart sing--you need to do some research around that career.  And who has the research? People who are actually doing the job.

A few months ago I had a client, he had taken assessments, looked at his values, even taken a few classes at the local community college and he had narrowed his ideal career list down to 3 or 4 jobs.  He STILL needed more information before he knew what to pursue.  Each time I would talk to him about the power of informational interviews and each time he would agree with me, walk out excited and return with no new information.  Finally after 2 sessions of this cycle I said what is it about informational interviewing that scares you so  much.  And he looked at me and smiled and said "what if they think I am stupid, what if they say no, what if I get the information and I still don't know'.  Understandable he didn't want to reach out to anyone--his Fear Monger was kicking in.  So we took each of his reasons and talked through them one at a time.  Finally at the end of the session I said, "as much as it pains me to say it, at some point you just have to do it, you just have to face the fear and reach out".  He laughed and agreed and we set some manageable goals of a couple 'safe' people he could reach out to over the next couple of weeks.

When he came into my office the next time, he had a giant smile on his face--not only had he successfully talked to the people we had planned for him too, he had talked to a few extra people recommended to him by the initial round of folks.  As he said triumphantly "people are really pretty nice".

So you KNOW you NEED to network how do you go about doing it.

Face the fear monger:  Write down the messages that are playing over and over in your head.  You don't need to explain them away or justify them, just be aware of how many there are.

Set a goal.  Make it small.  Tell yourself that you are going to contact 2 people a day or write 5 e-mails at a time.  Whatever is manageable to you.   Maybe you are going to start with the people you know already or who you know will be 'nice' and then move on to the people you don't know.

Just do it.  As much as I hate to write the words--Just do it.  They are the truth, at some point you just have to do it.  You just have to call, e-mail, facebook, text the individual and say "hey, can we meet for coffee/lunch"

People are nice.  For the most part people are nice--they like to be of service, to help.  They also like it when people are interested in what they do for a living.  I have had countless people contact me to do informational interviews and I have been flattered by each one.  It is nice to know that someone thinks what I do is cool and wants to learn more about it.  I swear, if people have the time they will be happy to give it to you.

Be Prepared.  Although people are nice, people are also busy so make sure you have a list of questions prepared or a set of topics you want to discuss.  Make sure you have in  your own mind a set of goals you want to accomplish by the end of the meeting.  What is it you want to learn?  What do you want to leave knowing?

Be Curious.  Remember it is an interview--not a chance for you to share your life story.  This is the time for you to be curious about their life story and what they do in their job.  It is tempting (especially if you are looking for a job) to want to share your story but I promise you will get more bang for your time if you let them do the talking.

Have fun.  Bottom line this is suppose to be fun--the more we learn about and from other people the more rich our own lives will become.  Remember to relax and enjoy yourself.  It is all part of the process of figuring out how to work and live happier!!

Are you wanting to Work Happier?  Are you curious how to find the job you love?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute session!  We can start the process of figuring out how to help you live and work happier!

My New Nemesis: The Ipad

I admit I have been pining away for an Ipad--ever since the little devil's came out I have been wanting one. I haven't been able to justify buying one, I have my lap top, I have an i-phone I don't need to be anymore portable then I already am.  But they just look like such fun.  Recently, my mom won a new ipad at a charity auction.  While I was overjoyed and frankly a little jealous of my mom's new found toy, she was pretty underwhelmed and frankly stressed about adding more technology to her life.  Graciously (ok, a little  selfishly) I agreed to take her ipad and get it all set up so when we met for her training session it would be all ready to go.

So yesterday morning, I cracked it open and began downloading apps my Mom would use: NPR, Facebook, Scrabble, Weather and local news stations.  I also downloaded a couple of games (admittedly more so for me and my nieces and nephews then my mom--but it was from a place of love) including Angry Birds.  For those of you who don't know Angry Birds is a a highly addictive, pretty brain numbing game involving "sling shooting" birds to blow up little frogs and the structure they have built to protect themselves.  And so yesterday afternoon, I sat on the couch and played Angry Birds....for HOURS.  I played it while watching the Superbowl pre-game, actual game and post-game.  Now in my defense I made a dinner for friends and did a few loads of laundry but when I wasn't cooking or switching loads of laundry I was blowing up little structures via my Mom's ipad.

As I crawled in to bed last night and had a craving to chat with my nearest and dearest (who was barely keeping his eyes open next to me) my first reaction was to be upset, he had spent most of the day with his friends and I felt like I had hardly seen/talked to him.  And then I realized, no he had spent the majority of his day with his friends AT OUR HOUSE.  Yes, while I sat there and played Angry Birds we also had a small but simple Super Bowl party.  So while I was physically present to my guests, our friends, I wasn't really present.  I wasn't emotionally or mentally engaged I was checking in and out depending on how much the Angry Birds were calling to me.  As I lay there next to my gently snoring nearest and dearest, I realized I had missed out on engaging with people I love and enjoy so I could numb out to some silly video game!!!  I decided then and there--an Ipad is not for me.  Not just because I can't justify it's expense but because I can't justify it's power over me.  I can't justify missing out on real life experiences because the power of numbing out is too great.

I am a big believer, we all need to 'check out' from time to time--watch mindless TV, play the occasional video game, get lost in really good fiction but when it starts preventing you from engaging with other people then it is time to check it out and see what is really going on.  I know I have a bent towards computer game addiction which is why we don't own a Wi and now why we won't own an ipad.  But it is my responsibility to ask myself on those times when I am sacrificing real human interaction for a computer game--what is really going on?

I realized how often many of us use our iphones, ipads, blackberries, smart phones of all types to disconnect from those with whom we are actually physically present.  It isn't necessarily that we don't like the people we are hanging out with, it is that we are stressed, tired, overworked and frazzled and concentrating on some silly video game can at times be easier then engaging in real life.  We all need a break.  I for one am going to be more conscious of giving myself that break, when I am alone and not when I get the fortune of being with other people.  Don't get me wrong, Technology is a wonderful thing, but when it gets in the way of us creating true human interactions it becomes damaging to us and those around us.

So I propose the question to you, How often do you numb out with video games? TV?  Iphones? E-mail or Web surfing?  What is really going on?

You Say it's your Birthday?!? Celebrating the Milestones in our Lives.

Today is my birthday--38 years old today.  Let me start by saying that I love my Birthday--I love celebrating it, honoring it and just living it up!  I have been known to thrown a mean Birthday party for myself.  This year is no different, in the celebratory department--it is a little different in the significance of it all.  For some reason 38 has always be THE YEAR in my brain.  I can remember when I was younger 38 was always a milestone year--when I would think of my life as an adult I would think of being 38.  When I would play Barbies she would always be 38, established with her career, her cool convertible and of course her fabulous self designed home (my Barbie was always an architect in her own firm)

So this week has been full of anticipation of my 38th Birthday--full of looking back, checking in, and honoring the milestone that for me is 38.  These self inflicted milestones always fascinated me--for some people it is turning 40, 45 or 50.  For some people it is the day they have their first child, get married or buy a house.  Regardless of what it is we all have milestones that pop up throughout our time on earth.   I have mixed emotions about these milestones.  They serve as a wonderful stopgap to honor where we are, what we have accomplished and where we want to go next.  That is it--they serve as a time to HONOR ourselves and our lives.  Milestones don't serve us when they begin to be a time to measure where we thought we would be, beat ourselves up for not getting there and then live in fear about what the future might bring.  For a lot of people I think that is what Birthdays signify a chance to see how one has failed against the proverbial life yard stick.  

Last night as my nearest and dearest were walking back to our car from dinner, we were discussing the significance of turning 38 and he asked me "So are you where you thought you would be at 38?"  And as I listed all the things my 9 year old self thought my 38 year old self would have (kids, convertible, husband, career, happiness) I realized I was measuring my life by something a 9 year old (Bless her heart) with limited life experience THOUGHT I would have.  So no, I am not exactly where my 9 year old self thought I would be at 38--but I am exactly where my 38 year old self wants to be.  I am living the spirit of what I wanted to have.  I am happy, I am in a supportive loving relationship, I have a career that makes my heart sing and I am surrounded by friends and family who think I rock and vice versa--so do I have a perfect life?  No.  Am I doing pretty good--yes.

As Aidan over at Ivy League Insecurities wrote today--Do you love your life?  And I can honestly say at 38 yes I do!!  What better Birthday gift is there?

Thanks to Will Clayton for the Birthday pic.

Are you wanting to Live Happier?  Are you curious how to make your next milestone a positive one?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute session!  We can start the process of figuring out how to help you live and work happier!

Wondering Wednesday on Thursday: What is your Fear Monger saying to you?

Due to colds, weather, new computers and a variety of other excuses we are going to pretend that today is Wednesday instead of Thursday.  So today's Wondering Wednesday on Thursday is What is your Fear Monger saying to you?  I have talked about the Fear Monger before.  The Fear Monger is that little voice inside your head that tells you "you can't do _______, that 's too hard, you are too stupid, you are too poor, you are too old and on and on and on"  You Fear Monger takes residence in your head and just plays an unconscious script of all the things you can't do.

Step one in defeating the Fear Monger is noticing what it  is saying to you.  What messages is it repeating over and over in your head.  When we start to take the Fear Monger out of the unconscious and bring it into the open we can be more successful in overcoming it. The glitch is noticing these messages and slowly changing them is an ongoing process, one that requires awareness and patience.

One reason I am so passionate about taking on the Fear Monger is because my personal battles with the Fear Monger have been challenging and life changing.  By taking on my Fear Monger I have experienced many wonderful adventures, relationships and activities.  My life has been more rich and full because I have taken on the Fear Monger.  I haven't defeated the Fear Monger completely, she still comes around (she has been pretty pesky this week to be honest) but now I know how to bring her out in the open and diffuse her much faster then in the past.  I know from first hand experience taking on the Fear Monger  requires diligence and patience.  I also know from first hand experience if we don't begin to ask ourselves the question what is the Fear Monger saying to me? we will live unconscious lives.  We will not be live happier, we will not be able to find lives that make our hearts sing because we will be trapped in self doubt, insecurity and fear.

So today pay attention to what your Fear Monger is telling you?  Feel free to share it in the comments section below--I'll go first!  Have a fabulous Wondering Wednesday on Thursday :)

Need help facing your Fear Monger--I can help.  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start facing your fears and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and skype!!