Live Happier QA: Dealing with Grief over the Holidays

Today's Live Happier QA is from Vicki and she asks;

"Nancy, here we are in the midst of the holidays and I am not feeling very holly jolly, my mom died earlier this year and I am having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit.  Any suggestions?"

Grief and the holidays can be extremely challenging.  Check out some helpful hints I have for dealing with your own grief over the holidays.  Check out my answer below. Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

 

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling (or have you struggled in the past) with your own grief and the holidays--what do/did you find helpful?

Feel free to leave add a comment below.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.

Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

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It's tonight!! For those in the Central Ohio area: Tonight is the So, What Comes Next Open House to celebrate the launch of my Course So, What Comes Next?

Please, stop by for cocktails, light appetizers and casual conversation. Plus enter a raffle to win copies of the course.  Oh and there will be cake!

The Open House is from 7-9pm at  Colin's Coffee: 3714 Riverside Drive, Columbus Ohio 43221 

Click here for more information.

Living Happier through Holiday Parties

It is that time of year for holiday parties and gatherings.  Whether with friends, families or co-workers it is easy to get overwhelmed with the holiday parties and events.  Sometimes these joyous  holidays parties can be met with stress and anxiety.

Here are some of my tips for Living Happier through Holiday Parties.

1. Do you really want to go?  Before you RSVP yes, or agree to an event, check in with yourself.  Do really want to go?  You don't have to say yes to every invite that comes along.  You have the right to graciously decline an invite and stay home, watch movies and eat popcorn if that is how you would rather spend your energy. When you are intentional about saying yes, you are able to spend the holidays the way YOU want to, you have more energy to devote to the events you really want to go, and you eliminate the dread and negativity that sometimes occurs during the holidays.


2. Have a plan.  I find it is helpful to have a plan of attack for a gathering.  The more I can answer before better: Who am I going with? Who will be there? What time should we arrive? How long are we planning on staying?  If you are going to the party with someone in particular a date, your spouse, or a friend, it is helpful to set up expectations for how you are going to 'party together'.  Are you going to be together the whole night? Should you do regular check-ins?  Is there signal for 'I am stuck come save me'? Answering these questions before the party helps alleviate some of the unknowns that parties inevitably bring.  


3. Answering the inevitable 'So, what do you do?' question.  If you are between jobs or in less than an ideal job this question can strike fear in your heart. I have found 2 helpful approaches to this question.  

• Option 1:  Answering the question with as minimal detail as possible and then turning it back on your conversation partner.   

• Option 2:  Spice it up and rather then getting stuck in talking about a job you don't like, talk about what you really hope to be doing someday or a current passion that isn't job related. Examples: "Well, right now I am doing_______ but what I am hoping to get into is _________ or my dream job would be ____________".  or "I am working at ____ but what I have found I love doing_____ so I am spending a lot of my free time doing that".  It might feel risky, but any time you can move the conversation off of the same old same old topics it will be more exciting for you and you fellow partiers.

Those are a few of my tips--I hope they help make your upcoming parties more manageable. 

What about you?  How do you feel about the holiday parties?  Do you have any tips? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!!

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Speaking of parties!! Just a quick reminder for those in the Central Ohio area: Tomorrow is an Open House to celebrate the launch of my Course So, What Comes Next? 

Please, stop by for cocktails, light appetizers and casual conversation. Plus enter a raffle to win copies of the course.  Oh and there will be cake!  

The Open House is from 7-9pm at  Colin's Coffee: 3714 Riverside Drive, Columbus Ohio 43221  Click here for more information.

Show Up. Notice. Appreciate.

The little things:

• The sympathetic smile at a mom as she tries to deal with her child's melt down at the grocery store.
• Reaching out to an old friend just to say hi and I am thinking of you.
• Emailing someone who has inspired you to say thanks
• Recognizing that even though it is your spouses 'turn' to cook dinner, you could help him out by getting things started.
• Putting a note in your child's lunch box.
• Having your wife's favorite drink poured and ready for her when she walks in the door.
• Paying for the coffee for the person behind you.

These are all small, little, seemingly insignificant acts.  I have realized 2 things about little things.

1. They are often more powerful then huge grand gestures.
2. We don't do them enough.

Last week I received a simple 2-line email from a reader who just said thank you.  That's it. Simple and sweet.  That simple email made me smile for days. With that simple gesture, I felt seen and I felt appreciated.  Isn't that what most of us are looking for...to be seen, to be appreciated?  

So I started thinking about #2 above--why don't we engage in these small activities more?  I think for some of us, we are just too busy, too frazzled, too stressed to even think of the small way we can show up for people.  AND I think the times that we might come up with a clever, fun, 'little' idea, we talk ourselves out of it by saying  "I don't want to bother them" or "what will they think". (Admittedly something I am guilty of)  

And to that I say WHAT?!?!?  We don't want to bother someone by noticing them and appreciating them?!?!  We are afraid someone might be 'put off' by appreciating them. 

So I present a challenge to us for this holiday season.

First off:Show Up. Be present to yourself and to those around you. 

Secondly: Notice.  Notice those you love, notice people around you, notice the stranger who is struggling or the friend who is succeeding 

Finally: Reach Out.  

We don't need to do something grand or magnificent to help people feel seen and appreciated.  Do something little, something caring, something unexpected.  Just do something. 

Three simple steps.  Show Up. Notice. Appreciate.

I would absolutely love to hear YOUR theories on why we don't engage in the little things more often.  Feel free to share in the comments below. 

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Thanks to those who participated in the Name Your Dream Contest:  I decided to aware a movie to all the participants!  Congratulations Beth, Stacey and Sondra! Here's to Naming our Dreams!!

The Attitude of Gratitude All Year Long

For those of us living in the United States, this week we will sit down and celebrate a holiday devoted to Thanksgiving. We will be reminded of the importance of gratitude and many of us will engage in the ritual of gathering around the table to share what we are most grateful for.

Gratitude is clearly the theme if this week and I, not surprisingly have been thinking a lot about gratitude.  To me, gratitude is more than just saying Thank you or being appreciative of the big things in life.  Gratitude is a way of being.  It is a way of approaching the world from possibility rather than from negativity.

Gratitude means:

• Saying thanks to someone as they hold the door for you when you are running late.
• Hugging a friend who has gone the extra mile for you.
• Reminding yourself that even though your partner didn't load the dishwasher the way you would they did load the dish washer
• Noticing a blue sky out the window in the midst of a long meeting
• Appreciating your mom helping you when you need it, even though she kinda drives you crazy.
• Recognizing even though it is cold, rainy and miserable outside but the coffee shop is serving your favorite coffee.
• Watching your partner play with the kids while you cook dinner.
• Giving your child a high five as when he gets his answer right on his homework.

I believe gratitude is a choice.  Quite honestly, sometimes the last choice we want to make.  For some people it is the default to be annoyed, unhappy and miserable.  Because it is the default mode it feels 'easier' to criticize your partner rather then approach them with love and compassionate.  I would argue the word 'easier', because viewing the world with negativity is anything but easy.  But because it is our default response it does require more effort to remind ourselves to be grateful when it isn't obvious

Gratitude isn't just about saying thank you. Gratitude is a lifestyle choice.

My challenge to you is to continue the tradition of naming what you are grateful for AFTER the holidays to move the attitude of gratitude into your daily life. And when I say challenge, I mean challenge because it is hard. AND as someone who practices gratitude daily I know it can be life changing.  I know appreciating the little things; loving those we are with no matter what and enjoying the small perks in the day make all the difference.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful gratitude filled week/month/year!

Happy Thanksgiving!

An Addiction to Busyness

I love the quote above.  I believe to the core of my being that it is true.  And I know that sometimes just 'being' is the last thing I want to do.

I confess, I am a busyness addict.  I know that when I get stressed, overwhelmed, or tired, I move quickly into run, run, run mode.  Run, Run Run mode means you don't have to think, feel, engage or be, you just run. Run to the next item on your to-do list, run to the next event, run to the next 'thing' doesn't really matter what it is you are running towards as long as you are running.

I would also confess I am a busyness addict in recovery...meaning I am aware that I have this problem and I TRY to put rituals into place to catch myself.  But occasionally, the pull of busyness is just too great and I have fall off the recovery wagon into the temptation of busyness.

Here are some signs you might be a busyness addict:

• Your emotional reaction to life is not congruent with the events of your life.  For example, you are going through something painful, sad, or even joyous and happy yet your affect is pretty much flat-lined.  You aren't "feeling" anything.
• You become obsessed with checking things off the to-do list often telling yourself 'once I get everything done THEN I can relax'. Here's a shocking fact--you won't ever get everything off the to do list!! (This one has become my number one sign!)
• You are ALWAYS multi-tasking; if you are watching TV you are on the computer, if you are talking on the phone you are making dinner.  You can't stand to do one thing and just engage with that activity.
• You are obsessed with checking your phone, email, facebook whatever you constantly have to be checking in with the outside world.

The number one thing all of these traits have in common: They pull us away from ourselves.  They pull us into busy.  And when we are in busy mode we don't have to FEEL anything--which sadly is the goal.  The price that we pay for not feeling is that we can't really engage with our life.  We can't really show up, be present, be grateful and be intentional about life.  Basically, we can't Live Happier.  We will always be chasing the proverbial carrot and never succeeding.  It is like the laser light that I use to entertain my cat, she chases and chases and never actually physically catches anything.

So what can you do to get on the Busyness Wagon.

1. Recognize your 'busyness' signs. What activity(ies) do you engage when you get overwhelmed?
2. Put in natural check-in points throughout the day/week, 3 deep breaths at a stop light, 5 minutes of downtime in the morning, body scans throughout the day.  (Just a heads up, when you are in busyness mode the absolute LAST thing you will want to do is stop busyness mode--so I have found it best to add rituals throughout the day that force me to stop)
3. Ask friends and family to help you stay accountable.  Ask them to share when they feel you have entered busyness mode.
4. Remember this is a PROCESS.  I have come very far in my recovery, and I still fall off the wagon.  Each time the fall is shorter and shorter and my recovery period gets longer and longer.

I KNOW as someone who is in recovery--Life is so much better when I am not in my addiction, I am happier, more engaged, more peaceful and more present.  Life is technical color and bright.

What about you?  Can you relate to the busyness addiction?  What are your signs?  What have you found that helps? I would LOVE to hear from you.

Live Happier QA: How can I enjoy the Holidays?

Today's Live Happier QA is from Samantha and she asks;

"Nancy, my question has to do with the holidays. I am already overwhelmed with life.  How can I get through this season easier and actually enjoy it?!?!"

As we approach thanksgiving, we are already feeling the push of the holidays!!  Living Happier through the holidays IS possible. Check out my answer below.

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.



Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.

Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?


Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Announcing: The Name Your Dream Contest

Last week I watched the movie, I'm Fine Thanks.  It is a documentary, following a guy who has done everything he 'should' do in his life and is now on the quest to live a life he 'wants' to be living rather than 'should be' living.  He goes on the quest to interview people who are asking this same question of 'is this all there is?' and directs his first movie in the process (his own personal dream).

I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend the movie.  In fact, I love the movie SO much, I am going to give away 2 downloadable copies of it.

To enter, simply comment below on something you have always dreamed about doing! It can be anything from surfing to writing a work of fiction. Just name one dream below.

I know I am asking a BIG risk here, potentially a HUGE, GINORMOUS risk.  But saying your dream out loud is the very, very first step in actually achieving it.  For the most part, we are living in a society that discourages us from naming our dreams.  We are shamed into playing it safe, staying small and taking minimal risk.  The thing is there is no dream too small or too big as long as it is YOUR dream.  Dream big or dream small, just dream.  And say it out loud, say it to your cat, say it to strangers, say it to your partner.  Just start saying it and then start acting on it, baby step by baby step.

But first, say it below in the comments section and you will be entered to win a downloadable copy of the movie!!  Contest Expires: Wednesday, November 21st at noon EST. 2 winners will be chosen at random.

It doesn't have to be a life changing dream, it could just be the dream of learning to play the guitar or traveling to Yellowstone National Park. When we stop dreaming, we stop living so let's keep the dreams alive.

You can watch a preview of the movie here:

 And remember to enter the contest to win a copy of the movie simply, comment below and share what you have always dreamed about doing. Contest Expires: Wednesday, November 21st at noon EST.

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Need some help in figuring out your dreams, getting dream clarity or just figuring out What Comes Next? in your life...check out my new e-course:  So, What Comes Next.

Live Happier Q&A: So, What Comes Next? (The Short Answer)

Today's Live Happier QA is from Lydia and she asks;

"Hey Nancy, I know you are coming out with a new course called So, What Comes Next but I was hoping you could give us a quick answer to the question?"

Figuring out what comes next is a place a lot of us get stuck--check out my quick answer here.

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.


For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.

AND to get a lot more information on the So, What Comes Next Course--go here.


Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

So, What Comes Next in YOUR Life?

So, What Comes Next?

Finding the answer to that question, is the number one reason my clients come to see me.

They might not use those exact words but it is some form of that question:

• Do I stay in this relationship or move on?
• Is this job really as good as it gets?
• I have a good job, a decent house a loving family and I am still not happy--what's that about?
• I just feel like I am missing something...
• I have lived my whole life for everyone else--now it is my turn--how do I figure out what I WANT for my life? 

Whether they are looking for help with their career, their relationship or just figuring out how to get unstuck in life they are wondering --what do I do next?

That question occurs when we hit a place in our life where we are stuck, unsure, or just plain lost as to how to move forward.  I have been there, I know how miserable and lonely that place can be.

I have taken my personal experience and my professional knowledge and combined it into a step by step course for you.  This course will help you ease the pain, get back in touch with what YOU want for your life and strategies on how to move towards a life you love.

You only get one life--this is it!  Figuring out what comes next is possible.  It is possible to have a life you are fully engaged in and passionate about--I know it! I live it.

Here's to living the life of your dreams!

Here's to figuring out What Comes Next for you!!

Here's to Living Happier!!!

Check it out!  Get all the information on the So, What Comes Next Course here

Feeling the Fear and Doing it Anyway

I have a love hate relationship with quotes. I love quotes and I post a lot of quotes on my Facebook page because in an instant you can be inspired and say hell yeah I am going to do that. I hate quotes (or dislike them hate is such a strong word) because quotes while being inspirational make it look a lot easier then it is.  They make you say hell yeah they inspire you for an instant and then you go back to life as normal.

Take the quote:

“Life Begins at the End Of your Comfort Zone"--Anoymous

Hell yeah, that is very true but do you know how hard it is to go past your comfort zone? To really go after your dreams?  What a lot of these quotes miss is the reality of it all...it is hard, and scary AND when you get there it is amazing!!

I would not be here if I didn't practice what I preach. Today I am pulling back the curtain for a bit.  Over the past few months, I have conquered a huge dream of mine.  I wrote a book and designed a course that encapsulates my philosophy on figuring out what comes next in your life and how to go after it.

This process is 5 years in the making. No, I haven't been writing the course for 5 years I have been THINKING about writing this course for 5 years. Honestly, I have been listening to my Fear Mongers and letting them keep me stuck.  And then this summer I finally stopped letting my mongers control me. The pain of not going after the dream was greater then the fear of going after the dream and potentially failing.

So this past weekend, as I finished up my course, I realized it is far easier to start a dream then to finish it.  I have many half finished courses that I have started over the past 5 years. But this weekend, I practiced everything I preach. Designing the dream, Facing Fear Mongers and putting one step in front of the other.  I know now more than ever this stuff really works! We can either sit in our couches reading quotes and saying hell yeah! Or we can take the risk, get off the couch and face the fear!  And from experience I can say it is 1,000 times better to risk potential failure then stay safely on your couch.

This quote says is VERY well.

“Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it’s a small price to pay for living a dream.” –  Peter McWilliams

And here it is my dream my course--So, What Comes Next?. It goes on sale tomorrow (Wednesday) and it will help YOU figure out what comes next in your life-- what your dream is and how to go after it.  Here's to being scared and doing it anyway. Here's to Living Happier.

Live Happier Q&A: How do I Choose?

Today's Live Happier Q&A question is from Joan and she asks:   I have plans to go back to school but I was just offered a promotion work, I like my job but I don't LOVE it how do I choose what to do?

Life decisions can be so HARD! See my 3 fold response and my easy method for checking in with your gut.    Check out my answer below.

 Have any thoughts? Anything you would add? Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

 Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

 For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier Q&A page.



Do you have a question about Living Happier?  Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in
general! Have a question you are curious about?

 Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.