Part 2:Why Staying in the Wrong Job isn't Always Right

Welcome to Wednesday--Hump day.  Let the countdown to the weekend begin!  Last Wednesday I started a series on why staying in the wrong job isn't always right.   For the next few Wednesday I am going to debunking the reasons we give ourselves as to why we can't have a job that makes our heart sing.

Reason 2:  What if I am wrong...I can't be wrong again.
This is BY FAR the most common reason I hear when people come into my office wanting career counseling.  A big part of them wants to go after their dream job (and many of them already know what it is) and a big part of them is saying, "no, I have tried and failed too many times, so I should just stay safe and keep my current job". The ironic thing is for many of these clients they haven't really tried THAT many jobs.  But the sense of failure is so great, they give up hope that they can figure it out, go after their dreams, actually enjoy their job so they stay settled, safe in their current position.  They convince themselves, It's ok that I hate my job because at least I am stable and steady and I refuse to be wrong again.

It is almost as if there is an internal war going on between two personalities who I have labeled:  Stable Sue and Passionate Paul:

Stable Sue:  You can't be wrong again.  At your age you need to have a regular income and a steady job. You need to be steady, stable and practical you are an adult. There isn't time for changes and passion now, that was when you were in college.  I can't help it that you picked the wrong major then.

Passionate Paul:  So what if I am wrong again?  The world won't stop revolving.  As long as I have enough money to support myself and/or my family I am fine.  So what if I switch jobs again, as long as I am passionate about my life.  When I look back at my life I want to see a life filled with passion and energy. I want to see a life of joy and excitement. I want to see me striving to be a better person and figure out my unique contribution to the world, even if that means my path is varied and full of change.  Isn't it more important that my life is genuine and authentic rather than sticking to some path I don't even enjoy.

And on and on it goes--does this sound familiar??  My point is, life is meant to be actively engaged in and enjoyed.  We make decisions based on the information available at the time.  Sometimes, we learn new information later or we change our minds.  Regardless, when we actively engage in anything we make mistakes, we mess up but we learn and move forward.  My job is to help you gather as much information as possible and get as clear as possible on how you want to move forward.  Sometimes it means a job change, sometimes it means making little shifts in your life to add more spark and energy.

I believe, we are all on a mission to discover our unique contribution to the world.  We are all here to live lives that are vibrant and genuine.  We aren't meant to work jobs that slowly over time make us miserable and tired.  The catch is that in order to live lives of passion and purpose, we have to take risks, we have to face our fears of being wrong.  The people I admire most have lived lives that were genuine, heartfelt and purposeful.  These people don't have lives that are mistake-free, in fact there lives are full of wrong turns and detours, they just embraced these changes as part of the vibrancy of life.

Don't let Stable Sue rule your life. Embrace the passion and purpose of your life.  Take a good hard look at where you are holding yourself back because you are afraid of making a mistake and start making baby steps towards change.  Remember--I am hear to help!  Contact me for a free 20 minute consultation so we can chat about how I can help you start making changes towards a more passionate, vibrant life.

What reasons do you give yourself (or have given yourself in the past) for staying in a less then ideal job?  How have you gotten unstuck? What do you struggle with when it comes to discovering what makes your heart sing?

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I am totally excited about my new website/blog!  Please check it out and be sure to sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

The Power of Questions

I love questions.  I love asking people questions, hearing their stories, getting to the heart of the matter.  Questions help us get to know not only those around us but ourselves better. When we ask ourselves questions and listen for the answer we can learn amazing things about ourselves, our dreams and our passions.  The key to questions is having the patience to listen for the answer.  Sometime the answer gets blurted out in an instant.  Sometimes it take gets stuck in our brain and takes awhile to reveal itself.  Sometimes the answer is hidden in a long, story and we have to dig deep through the story to hear what is buried there.

Once a week I am going to ask a question on this blog.  A question that will make you think, ponder and listen.  I encourage you to ask yourself the question, but also ask those around you--it could be your nearest and dearest or it could be the checkout clerk at the gas station.  Be curious.  Be patient.  See what emerges.

One of my favorite questions (and I am sure you have heard it before, especially if you have worked with me) is: If you only had a short time to live--what would you change in your life?  I love this question because it can offer inspiration for how we might want to changes our lives.  In reality, whatever you would do differently if you knew you were going to die, you should implement now.  For example, if someone said they would travel to Paris, maybe they should look into taking that trip, saving money, researching Paris , etc.  Or maybe they want to travel to Paris to see more art, so they should be adding more local art to their life.  This question, if we are patient and curious about the answer, can provide a lot of clues about what we value and potentially reveal how truly stuck we feel in our lives.  This question, can offer some options for how we can better live a life that has full of joy and passion.  

Recently, this question took new meaning to me.  A friend of mine has been diagnosed with cancer and given 6-8 months to live.  A few weeks ago, we were discussing this question and how she viewed it differently now that she has been given a definitive deadline to her life.  I was telling her that this question is used to inspire people in making their lives more meaningful.  After pondering the question for a while, my friend looked at me and basically shared that before the diagnosis she would have picked travel because that is what she thought she should do with her time.  But now that she knows her time is limited she real wants to be near her home and enjoy the routine tasks of her life.  She wants to spend as much time with her family and friends and do the every day aspects of life, laundry, lunch with friends, family dinners and running errands.

I have asked many people this question, but never someone who really knew she had a short time to live.  Her answer was simple and inspiring:  I would enjoy more routine tasks more--that is what she would do differently. Not travel, spend all her money, buy a red sports car, fly in a hot air ballon, just be with her family and enjoy the chance to engage in routine every day tasks.   It reminds me of the picking more daisies post from a few months ago.

After talking with my friend I have since changed the phrasing of the question to be.  If you had a short time to live: How would your priorities change? What would you do differently?  What would you pay more attention to?  


Maybe to add more passion and joy in our lives we don't need to add more to it--maybe we just need to get clear about what it is we enjoy and value about our lives and appreciate it.

The Beauty of Baby Steps

A few weeks ago, my nearest and dearest and I were flipping through the channels and came across the  movie What About Bob? I am always entertained by movies that depict the therapeutic relationship--and this movie does an especially funny job of showing therapy gone very very wrong (as you can hear in the clip above). The psychologist in the movie played by Richard Dreyfuss has a therapy principle he calls baby steps--he has even written a book about it.  The idea of baby steps is based on the belief that any true change takes place with small, tiny steps.

Ever since seeing the movie the phrase baby steps has popped up a few times in my life and my practice.  (Isn't it amazing how that happens!!) Baby steps is another way of saying all change is incremental--which is a favorite phrase of a mentor of mine and one I have used frequently in this blog.  Too often when people think of making a change (especially a career change) they get overwhelmed by the giant steps necessary to begin the process.  They get stuck worrying about making a wrong choice, making less money or all the various what-if's that go along with finding a new career.  In reality all change requires baby steps.  It is amazing how with just a few simple changes you can start the ball rolling slowly down the hill and before you know it the momentum of change has taken over.

Baby steps include taking an assessment to see what careers might fit you, researching different careers on-line, or reviewing your budget and seeing how much money you HAVE to make in order to survive the lifestyle you truly want.  You don't need to quit your job with no plan (although that definitely works for some people).  Or spend all your free time finding your perfect career.  You can just start taking baby steps, little steps that lead you down the path to change.

Frequently our ego stops us from making any changes before we even get the chance.  Our ego tells us you can't do that, or fills our brain with fear and doubt.  When you practice baby steps you can slowly get your brains use to the idea that change in small doses is ok.  Just because you take an assessment, that doesn't mean you HAVE to quit your job.  You are merely researching--merely checking out your options.  Slowly over time, we you take one baby step after the other, you look back and see you have made major change--you just weren't noticing because of all the baby steps!!

What one baby step are you going to take today to start live the life of your dreams??

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A great baby step would be to check out my new website/blog and sign up to receive my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Live Happier tool kit--a do-it yourself guide to finding a life that makes your heart sing!!

Debunking the Myths: It's OK I hate my job because...

It's Wednesday morning, you wake up to the sound of your alarm and you give yourself 10 more minutes to sleep.  During that 10 minutes, in the blissful state of almost awake, not quite asleep, you start dreaming of what it would be like to not go to your job.  You start dreaming about what it is you REALLY want to do.  As you lie there in the warmth and safety of your bed, with the covers lying in the perfect spot, before you disturb the cat and rush to start the coffee pot, you start to dream about what your life would be like if you could be living your dream, doing a job you love.  For a moment, you are peaceful and calm, a smile spreads across your face and you feel almost giddy.  Then poof out of nowhere the alarm comes to life again and you think, 'ah stupid to dream, get practical, I have to keep my job, I can't do (fill in your blank), that's just silly.' And you start your day, like any other, dragging yourself to the coffeepot, jumping in the shower and eating a quick bite of breakfast and heading out the door.  Yet another Humpday, you find unfullfilling. Another count down to the weekend.  But that's ok because you are doing if for ______.  Wait a minute,  what are you actually doing this unfulfilling job for?  For the money, your family,  the safety, the security, the health benefits?!?!

There are a million reasons why we talk ourselves out of going after what brings us joy.  Many times we convince ourselves that swallowing our passions, ignoring our inner calling or spirit is the 'right' thing to do.  It is the practical, responsible action.  I am here to call (excuse my language) b*ll sh*t on that response!!!  In an ode to Hump Day over the next few Wednesdays I will be debunking the myth that staying in the wrong job is the right thing.

Reason One:  MONEY
The most common reason I hear for staying in the wrong job is money.  "If I leave my job I won't make as much money".  Maybe, possibly.  Most of the time people say that without even researching how much their current job makes in comparison to their dream job.  It is a safe, easy response, that MIGHT be true.  True, we all need money.  We all need food, clothing, shelter and the occasional dinner/night out.  But many people drag themselves to work and through each day so they can have the fancy house. the nice car and the deluxe vacation that they take twice a year to recover from their miserable job.  In other words, they are selling their souls to make enough money to live a life they can't really engage in because they are so drained from their work.

What if instead of instantly blaming the money--you started looking at the quality of your life,  the time you spend with your family, the laughter you experience in a day, the number of times you feel truly alive.  What if you started adding more of that into your life.  What if you started figuring out what makes your heart sing and started adding little bits of that into your life.  Maybe you keep your 'wrong job' and start playing music on the side, learn how to be a landscape architect, take a personal training class.  What if you just start adding into your life the things that make you joyful and then figure out how to get paid for them. What if instead of stomping on your dreams with "I won't make as much money" you dip your big toe into the water of your dreams and see what brilliant ideas come to the surface.  What if you allowed yourself to explore your dreams more often then the 10 minutes between awake and asleep.  No one said that to live your dreams you have to be homeless or penniless, you can do both, it just takes a little creativity.  Most importantly it takes a desire to debunk the myth that I have to keep this miserable job because I have to earn money.

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Be sure to check out my new website/blog and sign up to receive my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Live Happier Tool Kit.

What Makes you Come Alive??

Don't ask what the world needs,
Ask what makes you come alive, 
and go do it!
Because what the worlds needs 
is people who come alive!!!'
--Howard Thurman

Someone shared this quote with me recently and it actually gave me chills.  This is what I believe ultimately helps us work and live happier: doing what makes us come alive!  What does that feel like? you might be asking yourself.  Or maybe you are wondering have I ever really felt alive doing anything? I would argue you have, either you haven't noticed it or you haven't given yourself permission to enjoy the feeling of aliveness.  

What does alive feel like?  Alive feels different for different people.  But from my experience and the unofficial reports of clients and friends,  when you are engaging in a passionate activity you feel excited, peaceful, comfortable, easy, genuine.  Many times we need other people to point out to us that we come alive when we are engaged in a certain activity.  I have a friend who is a teacher and when she talks about teaching and her crazy day, even though she might be venting and a tad bit annoyed, her face lights up, her speech is quick and light, the stories she shares are a mix of frustration and utter joy.  She feels alive when she is teaching.  Or I know for myself when I am out in the garden, working in the dirt, pulling weeds, planting flowers, time just seems to fade away.  There is this calming peace that floods over me and I feel alive and connected.

Giving yourself permission.  It is my belief we all have activities that make us come alive.  And when we are engaging in those activities we are giving back to the world.  When we are doing the activity that makes us feel alive, we are more joyful, in touch, peaceful and intune with yourself and the world around us.  Being alive allows us to be the best we can be and therefore make the world the best it can be.  PLUS when we are engaging in an activity that fills us with passion we are engaging our inner spirit, our intutive selves.  We are living from a place of wholeness and passion.  That is the definition of working and living happier.  

So this week pay attention to the activities that make you feel most alive.  Listen to those around you describing their day/activities and watch for signs of when they come alive, when they are most passionate.   What makes you come alive?  What does being alive feel like? Do you agree with the quote above?

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Be sure to sign up to receive my new FREE 25+ page Work Happier Live Happier Tool Kit.  A do-it yourself guide filled with exercises and information on finding a career that will make your heart sing!!

Work Happier. Live Happier.

We all know that living happier requires a lot of different facets: friendships, family, significant relationships, hobbies and career.  It is my belief that in order to live happier we need to be working in all areas.  The happiest people I know look at their lives as a whole, trying to figure out how best to live an intentional life that feeds their soul.  Over the past few months I have been writing about Living Happier and attempting to touch on each of these areas.  I love this blog and I love all the positive feedback I have received from it.  As I have encouraged all of you to do: build awareness, fine tune, gain clarity I have been honing in on the areas of living happier I most enjoy.  As you can probably guess from my new blog title--I have decided to focus my blog on the area of career/work/purpose/Contribution.

It is my belief that we all have a Contribution to make in this world, a higher calling, vocation, or purpose. Whether that be raising your kids, being CEO of a major corporation, teaching kindergarten or starting a organic farm.  We all have something that makes our heart sing--some of us get paid for it some of us engage in it when we aren't getting paid to do something else.   Regardless, I believe my Contribution is to help people figure out theirs.  Career Counseling has always been my first love.  I have read countless books on finding your perfect career and attended numerous seminars.  Although, I have done career counseling for over 10 years it is now that I am deciding to make it my speciality.  To pour my heart and soul into the area of Living Happier that makes my heart sing.   Please hear me when I say this is not just about work, this is about making a difference and engaging in a passionate activity.  I believe we cannot live happier unless we are engaging in a purpose that feeds our soul.  Purpose is as varied as we all are but it is essential to life.  

With this blog post I am annoucing the creation of my new website (www.nancyjanesmith.com) and my new blog (nancyjanesmith.com/blog).  I will continue to blog on this site as well for the time being as I make the transition--but I encourage all of you to visit my site because not only is it FABULOUS, but you can sign up to receive my new 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit!!!  This is a FREE do it yourself guide that will lay the foundation to help you figure out what makes your heart sing.  

I will continue to blog here regularly about Working Happier and Living Happier!!

I am hoping to build a community of people as we start on the new journey of figuring out what makes your heart sing. Please comment below on what makes your heart sing, what is holding you back, how you feel about change, what the weather is doing where you live--I don't care what you share let's start getting to know each other.  Through conversation we build passion and I am excited to share my new passion with you!!! 

Clarity and Change

One thing I know for sure is that a key to living happier is clarity.  Clarity on what it is you value, need, want,  and desire for you life.  As well as clarity around what you have currently in your life.  I feel that my gift is helping my clients get more clear on what it is they want out of life as well as seeing what they have accomplished in life. Recently I have been working on getting more clarity for myself.  Clarity around my business and were I want to take this blog and my services.

Sometimes from clarity comes change, so over the next few weeks you will be seeing some changes around here.  Changes with my website, my blog and my services.  Don't panic--Living Happier will still be a major topic I am just going to get a little more focused, a little more clear on the most important area(s) for me when it comes to Living Happier.

So I apologize that I have been more quiet here on my blog lately--and I promise once I get this new focus up and running (hopefully early next week!) you will be hearing LOTS more from me.

Be sure to check back in next week to see the exciting new changes!!