The Live Happier Holiday Card

Today is my last post of the year.  Please check out my holiday video card below!

Wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday Season!!  See you in 2013!

Peaceful Solstice

Friday of this week marks the longest day of the year, winter solstice.  I have always been drawn to this day.  A day of darkness.  A day of reflection.  It is also a day of hope.  It is the longest day of the year, which means, it will only get lighter after this day.  Things will only get more bright and more illuminated.

But this week we are hunkering down, many of us begin and end our days in the dark. As you know, I am a huge believer in rituals and the winter solstice provides a great time to create new or engage in old rituals.  This Friday I encourage you to take some time to pause, to reflect on your life.  Take some time to gather in those whom you love and whom love you and celebrate the darkness. Share a meal, light a fire, and engage in soulful quiet conversation.  Share your fears, your dreams your 'wish list' and feel the love, and hope of the season.  

From the dark comes the light.   Embrace it.  Because, it is in our darkest times that we gain the wisdom, empathy, strength and conviction for the brighter times. Wishing you and yours a peaceful solstice.

"So the shortest day came, and the year died,
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive,
And when the new year's sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, reveling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us - Listen!!
All the long echoes sing the same delight,
This shortest day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, fest, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome Yule!!"
-Susan Cooper, The Shortest Day 

Dear Santa: Creating YOUR Wish List.

Last year, at the end of December I wrote a post about the magic of visiting Santa and Creating our Wish Lists.  Here is an excerpt from that post:

I remember it like it was yesterday, entering Santa Land at the Downtown Lazarus store in Columbus.  It was a HUGE deal to go to the 'big city' and enter the fancy department store only to be transported to magical Santa Land.  I remember waiting patiently (although I probably wasn't very patient) and finally having my turn on Santa's lap.  After much deliberation and pondering I hopped up on Santa's lap and told him my wish list, smiled for the camera and assured him I had been good.  And then just like that it was over.  I remember feeling so at peace, so joyful that everything was going to be fine, I would get my gift of choice because I had talked with the 'big man' himself. 

It always is interesting to ask people about their Santa Stories...inevitably they will be transported back in time and will describe in full detail a Santa Experience that is near and dear to their hearts.  As I was thinking today about my own Santa Story--I was thinking about my wish list.  The amount of time and care I spent on that list, thinking about what I wanted, perusing through catalogs and generally just taking time for myself to figure out what would be the best gift.  How rarely we do that today, I seldom think about what I want for Christmas.  Much by my design, gift giving has become more the norm in my world.  But when you think about the concept of a magical wish list, offering that up to someone who seems larger than life and believing that he will produce it...it is a little freeing, a little magical, a little fun.

From that post,  I came up with the idea of creating our own Wish List.  If you could ask Santa for anything what would it be??  If there truly was a magical being who could grant your wishes what would you ask for?

 I love this activity because

1. It really allows us to DREAM. 
2. It allows us to get crystal clear on what is most important in our lives.
3. It helps us set intentions/resolutions for next year. 

The assignment is:  

• Make a Wish List
• List all the things you want for your life from the practical, (a new stove) to the ridiculous (a trip around the world) and everything in between.  Get creative. 
• Think about changes you would want in your life, additions you would make, and things you could do without.  
• Your list can have 2 items or 200...it doesn't matter.  
• THEN pick your top 3-5 wishes. 

The Assignment is Due:

• January 3rd 
• At that time I will let you know what we are going to do with these wishes.

Good Luck!!  Feel free to share your wishes in the comments!!

Photo Credit: Geishaboy via Flickr

Live Happier QA: Losing a Job Over the Holidays

Today's Live Happier QA is from Melissa and she asks;

"I just lost my job. Can I do a job search over the holidays? How do I handle this? "

Losing a job is hard any time of the year, but especially over the holidays.

Check out the tips I have for Melissa below. And for more information on the topic, check out the link to the news segment I mention in the QA video.

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.


Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

The Questions that Matter.

Last week I found the video above. It is an interview with Maurice Sendak best known for the Children's book "Where the Wild Things Are". I can't seem to get the clip out of my head, I posted it on my facebook page, I shared it in my weekly newsletter and here again I am writing about it.

The question he was asked was "Why Bother to Get Born?" His answer is thoughtful and inspiring, it brings tears every time I watch it.  It is kind of like the "It's A Wonderful Life" question.

I have been thinking of that question since I watched the clip.

• What would you have missed if you weren't born?
• What would others have missed?
• Whose life do you affect? 
• Whose life affects you?
• How do you change the world in your own little way?
• What gifts do you give from making your kids lunches to making a stranger smile?
• What do you do so naturally you don't even notice it?
• What makes your life so sweet and wonderful?
• What brings a smile to your face?

If you haven't already, take some time and watch the video, cry, smile, laugh and reflect on you.

Because the answers to those questions is really all that matters.

One Simple Phrase: I Have to. vs I Get to.

The past few weeks have been hectic over here in Live Happier world--as I am sure they are hectic in your world too.  And yes, I confess, my addiction to busyness has kicked in.  My first warning sign, I know for me is that life tends to become a series of to-dos and victories come when I successfully check everything off the list.  But over the weekend after relaxing with my nearest and dearest and taking in a fabulous festive dinner and a local play I realized, I had got stuck in busyness again.  I said to myself, THIS is life, not when you get to a certain point but THIS right now THIS moment THIS. I was so caught up in 'doing the list' I was missing my life. (which is a true live happier moment, the lesson comes not in the mastery but in the recognition of the need to make a change)

I decided to focus more on life tasks as a 'get to' rather then a 'have to'.  So for example:

Ugh, I have to get up out of my warm bed and start the day.

vs.

I get to get out of bed and start my day, I feel healthy, I enjoy my mornings and I get to have one more day on this planet.

Yuck, I have to workout.

vs.

I get to move my body and I feel so much better when I do.

Yet again, I have to make lunch for my nearest and dearest and I.

vs.

I get to make lunch for us.  How lucky am I to share a meal with my man every day.

I have to take the kids to school.

vs.

I get to pick the kids up and hear about their day.

Now I admit it some tasks take a little more effort to switch from a have to I get to. Tasks such as 'I have to go to the grocery story' but even as I did my weekly trek through the aisles this week I thought to myself "I get to take my time, I get to buy the food I enjoy, I get to cook fun meals". Did it make that dreaded task amazing--no but it did make a "must do" task more enjoyable and that is 99% of the battle.

The trick is catch yourself when you are saying to your self "ugh, I have to____" and simply fill it in with "i get to ____"

This change is magical for 3 real reasons

1. It gives you more control. Rather than being at the whim of your life and schedule you are actively participating in your life.   When you say you "get to" then it is a reminder that you are CHOOSING these activities. You GET to do them.

2. For those of us who tend to lean toward the negative, it pulls you out of your natural tendency to go negative (which especially for me kicks in as I get more tired and stressed). Sometimes I will catch myself saying "Ugh I have to" to something I really enjoy! (FYI, that is when I know I am trouble).

3. It immediately changes your posture, energy and mood. You begin to see your life differently. You see your life as full of blessings rather than all these burdens.

So this week, try it.  As you notice the  "I have to's" creeping up silently switch it to "I get to"and the simply name 1-3 reasons why you are so lucky that you get to do the activity.  It will change your life.

Here's to Living Happier.

Photo Credit: www.behappy.me

Live Happier QA: I lost my dreams, how do I find them again?

Today's Live Happier QA is from Stephanie and she asks;

"I hear you talk a lot about dreams and desires.  I honestly can't find any. Is that normal? "

Frequently (especially with women) we are so busy caring for other peoples, our own dreams and desires get placed on hold.  I believe the best thing we can do for our children is teach them to go after their dreams.  So if we aren't modeling that behavior we are doing them a disservice in Living Happier.

Check a few easy ways to reconnect with yourself and what you want out of your life.

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.


Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Live Happier Moments

Last week, I had an Open House for the So, What Comes Next Course.  One of the 'challenges' I presented to the participants was to share a Live Happier Moment so I could make a photo collage of them.  If you are a regular reader you know back in October we had the Live Happier Daily Challenge and I thought now that we are heading in the midst of the holidays it is an important time to be reminded of Living Happier Moments.

This time of year it is easy to get caught up the holiday hullabaloo: finding the perfect gift, endless lines, decorating, family drama and the never ending to-do lists.  It is easy to forget the actual point of the holidays: love, generosity, peace and joy.

As much as we are surrounded by stress and to do lists this time of year...we are also surrounded by joy, peace and happiness...we just have to NOTICE it.

So I am challenging you to notice your Live Happier Moments and share them in the comments section below OR on my Facebook page.   These moments can be small and simple or large and complex.

Watch the slide show above to get inspired or check out my list below from this morning:

• Knowing as soon as I sit down at my computer...my cat will be soon to follow to take her dutiful spot between the keyboard and the screen.
• Looking out my window and seeing nature, squirrels dashing about not giving a care about holidays or gifts or drama.
• Getting holiday cards in the mail.
• Waking up to a quiet house and having my familiar morning rituals. (coffee, dog loving, cat loving, paper reading and quiet time)
• Finding Depak Chopra's 21 day meditation program (a little late) but starting it this morning and having it radically alter my day. (I highly recommend it)
• Talking to my mom who helps keep me sane. 

What about you what are some Live Happier Moments you have had over the past few days?  In the midst of the holiday craziness what have you noticed, enjoyed, paused for, or smiled about?

A BIG shout out to everyone who attended the So, What Comes Next Open house and those who participated in the Live Happier Moments Slide Show--Thank you for all your love and support!

A Live Happier Red Flag: I SHOULD be Happy....

One of the biggest red flags to me is when someone says, I should be happy....

It is one of the statements I hear most often in my work:

"I should be happy....

...I have a good paying job"
...I have decent benefits"
...I just had a baby"
...I have a great husband"
...I live in my dream home"

When we say the phrase, "I SHOULD be happy" is usually means 1 of 2 things.

First Option:
You are convincing yourself that you SHOULD be happy based on someone else's definition of happiness.  The fact that someone else told you this is the perfect job or benefits are key to all of life or what a dream home is suppose to look like. So you in an effort to live up to someone else's standard of what happiness is are convincing yourself that you are really happy with that aspect of your life.  In this option, when we say, "I should be happy" we are attempting to convince ourselves of something that isn't true for us.  So it is important to do a real sincere gut check when we hear that phrase and ask ourselves:

• According to what standards should I be happy?  
• Am I living life by my standards and values or someone else's?  
• Are there changes I need to make to live more inline with what I intend for my life?

Second Option:
You are living in the messy; you are holding two very different truths and it is really uncomfortable.

• You have a good paying job AND it isn't really what you want to do.  
• You have decent benefits AND you are starting to wonder if it is worth the sacrifice for good benefits.  
• You just had a baby that you love and adore AND it is hard being a new parent.  
• Your husband is fantastic AND sometimes it is hard to live with another person.  
• You have your dream house AND it has a lot of work to do. 

One of the many mysteries of life that I am most struck by is the eternal blend of positive and negative.  The idea that life will forever be messy, no matter how much we strive to have it tied up in a neat little bow, there will always be tragedy and joy intermixed together.  Getting comfortable with these two ends of the continuum and bringing them closer together is a life long process.

When we are saying, "I should be happy" in an effort to convince ourselves to suck it up, forget the challenges and just look at the positive, we can run ourselves ragged.  It is important to embrace the mess. To give ourselves a break and to perpetually balance between giving thanks and recognizing that sometimes even if we WANT something with all our hearts it is still challenging.

 We can love and appreciate something or someone AND be challenged by them too. When we start 'shoulding' on ourselves as a way to forgo the negative feelings we will not only miss the negative feelings but the positive ones too.  It may sound counterintuitive but by relaxing into the mess we get to the joy much faster.  Relax into the mess:  take 3 deep breathes, talk to a friend, admit you are struggling and participate in activities you love.  By being honest with what is really going on you will be better able to fully engage your life, and embrace the mess of it all.

So the next time you start saying "I should be happy" stop and ask yourself--what is really going on here?  Am I living by someone else's standards and/or am I avoiding the messiness of life?