Are you a Square Peg Trying to fit into a Round Hole?

Inevitably, if you are a client of mine, you will hear me talk about the analogy of being a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  Many of us walk around with a vision of what we SHOULD be.  We SHOULD be a teacher or we SHOULD be a corporate executive (e.g. the round hole).  We vision ourselves as round pegs and so we walk through the world looking for a round hole to fit into.

In reality, we aren't round, we are actually square, oblong, triangular, or any other shape but round.  However, when we find that round hole and we go to make the jump into it we realize we don't fit, so we try with all of our might to shave down our sharp corners so we can be rounded.  Most of us spend a vast majority of our lives trying to shave down those corners and make it fit.  Maybe you are trying to fit yourself into a corporate job because you think that means success.  Maybe you are trying to fit yourself into a teaching job because everyone in your life was a teacher at some point.  The vast majority of us have heard messages that the round hole is the 'right' hole is and we spend all of our lives trying to make ourselves fit in.  However, there is a danger in living our lives by trying to change who we are to fit in.

This awareness is a process.  When I introduce the concept to a client that they are trying to jam themselves into a spot that is too cramped or doesn't fit, they always look at me perplexed and amazed.  And then gradually they realize, yes a part of them has been pretending, 'faking it' if you will, to meet someone else's definition of success.  Once clients realize they can stop shaving their corners and embrace their roundness, their lives start to open up.  They start to put more energy into doing what they WANT to do and less energy in doing that they think they SHOULD do.  

I had a client who after weeks of working and analyzing, admitted she really wanted to pursue a career in design, specifically interior design.  Up until now she had worked in the health care field because everyone in her life worked in health care. Whenever she talked about interior design her face lit up, but she just couldn't get herself to really commit to it.  She would come into my office we would talk about interior design and the steps she could take to make that dream a reality and she would inevitably come back disenfranchised and stuck.  Finally, I explained the square peg, round hole analogy and she looked up at me with a grin.  She said, you are right, I am trying to MOLD myself into a nurse because I think that defines success but in my heart I have a different definition of success.  Gradually she started taking the steps to make interior design a reality, and whenever she would get stuck/scared or defeated we would come back to the square peg analogy.  

Rather then trying to mold ourselves into the perfect fit, we should be looking for the right hole, the hole that holds our unique style, passion and purpose.  We should be celebrating the fact that we all are unique combinations of personality, ideas and drive.  

What about you?  Are you living by your own measure of success?  Are you spending your life shaving your corners? OR are you embracing the unique shape that is yours? 

How to Find the Work That Makes Your Heart Sing--the Basics.

I believe there are 2 keys to finding out what makes your heart sing: Awareness and Curiosity.  Both have to be done with a radical validation.  I believe, When we open our eyes to how we spend our lives and have curiosity about why we can start to uncover our true passions and purpose.  Basically it all starts with three steps:

Step 1: Awareness of the activities/hobbies/people that fill up your life. How do you spend your time? With whom and doing what?

Step 2: Awareness as to whether or not you enjoy these activities/people.  Do you actually like these events or are you just with them to fill up time and space?

Step 3:  Curiosity around why you like or don't like these events.  Really dig deep.  What is it you like or don't like about the way you are spending your time?

A great example of this process is a client of mine from a few years ago, I will call her Beth (FYI-not her real name).  Beth came into my office because her current job as an office assistant just wasn't cutting it.  Beth had a degree in Marketing and had taken this job in the hopes of moving up, but she soon realized that a. she wasn't going to move up anytime soon and b. she wasn't convinced marketing was her dream job.

After the first session, I gave her the homework of writing down how she spends her time, and then whether she liked or disliked much of it.  When she came back in the office she had her list and a disappointed look on her face.  Basically she said she didn't like much of what she was doing, much of her time was spent on filler activities.  Through the conversation it came out that the one activity she loved was reading.  She absolutely loved having a book that she was engrossed in.  So we began to take radical curiosity to her love of reading and we found: she loved reading novels, she loved getting lost in the stories, and predicting what might happen next.  She enjoyed books with a lot of characters that did a lot of character development and had a realistic plot. In other words, she liked hearing people's stories.  In fact, this love of stories was one reason she got into marketing, she loved the idea of branding and telling the story of a product, but it wasn't real enough for her, she wanted to help people on an individual basis.

So we tossed out the usual ideas of teaching, counseling, social work but she just wasn't feeling it.  And then out of nowhere she said that she had always thought about being a massage therapist but had convinced herself it would be silly to waste her degree.  In fact, she had researched massage therapy schools but her dad was always telling her that she would be better off with a business degree.  (I will continually be amazed that people tend to KNOW what they want to do, they just bury it so deeply and deny it for so long they don't share it with the world).  As we were talking she became more and more excited about massage therapy as a career,  and then with a smirk on her face she said, what does loving to read have to do with massage?  And I said one thing I love about getting a massage is if I want to I can talk to the massage therapist, I can vent my day. I don't expect them to solve anything, I just wanted them to listen to my story.   Beth agreed, that she too had vented on occasion when she had gotten a massage.

After more exploring and some work on facing her fears, Beth went back to school and received her Massage Therapy License.  She then started her own Wellness Center (using her Marketing background).  On occasion I will hear from her. She loves her job and the most frequent feedback she hears from her clients is what an excellent listener she is.   Her clients leave feeling completely relaxed mentally and physically!  To this day, when I talk to her, she will laugh at how the thought of loving to read opened the door to the idea of being a massage therapist.

That is the point of these 3 steps, opening the door.  Figuring out what it is you enjoy doing, why you enjoy doing it and how to add more of that into your life.  Beth's love of reading could have manifested hundreds of different ways in her life, the key is that she gave her self room to start creatively allowing more of what she loved into her life.

So today, ask yourself what is it you love to do and then brainstorm some ideas as to why. I guarantee as you get better and better at bringing awareness and curiosity into your life you will start to live happier and work happier.

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Check out my new website/blog!  Please check it out and be sure to sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

In the Next Year: What are your Dreams?

Question of the week:  What is a dream you want to accomplish (or start accomplishing) in the next year?

Last week a friend of mine sent me one of those e-mail forwards.  I admit I normally don't read them, but every now and then they really do have some wisdom to them.  This particular e-mail (which originally appeared in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book) was about an 87 year old woman who was in a class with the author (a traditional age college student).  Basically it is an ode to the wisdom and determination of the 87 year old woman to attend college at her age.

You hear these stories from time to time, indviduals who go after a goal even though their time on earth is realistically fading.  And when asked why this woman (whose name was Rose) replied:

"I have always dreamed, of getting a college education and now I have one.  There are secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success.  You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream, when you lose your dreams you die.  We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! 

There is a huge difference between growing old and growing up.  If you are 19 years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn 20.  If I am 87 years old and lie in bed for one full year and never do anything I will turn 88. 

Anybody, can turn old that doesn't take any talent or ability.  The idea is to grow up always finding opportunity to change and have no regrets. "

This story was a great reminder to me that A. we are never to old to strive to Live Happier and B. life is precious and we need to embrace each day wondering what we can achieve that day.

Bottom line, life is meant to be savored and enjoyed whether you are 22 or 92.  So in the next year, no matter what you will be another year older--what is your dream for the next year?  What do you want to learn, achieve, accomplish, or understand in the next year?  Feel free to share your dream in the comment box and I promise you will receive a little dream validation.

Defying Gravity

This week I had the pleasure and thrill of seeing the musical Wicked for the second time!  It is a wonderful musical full of great life lessons.  I wanted to share one of my favorite songs--Defying Gravity.  As I was sitting in the theater listening to this song a huge smile spread across my face and goosebumps spread over my arms.  This song is about all the ideas I talk about: taking risks, facing your fears, learning how to spread your wings, defying gravity and living a life that makes your heart sing!!

For a little inspiration heading into the weekend-check out this version of the song.  It is sung by the original Wicked Witch--without her green make-up.



If you are anything like me, you enjoy reading lyrics--so here they are:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner fly
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited (Unlimited)
My future is unlimited (unlimited)
And I've just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know --it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear, someday I'll be..

Flying so high! (Defying gravity)
Kiss me goodbye! (Defying gravity)

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
Bring me down!
Bring me down!

Why Staying in the Wrong Job Isn't Always Right

Over the past few Wednesdays I have been debunking the reasons we give ourselves to stay in an unfulfilling job.  These reasons include: money, what if I am wrong, the need for status, and wanting stability.  There are countless others, reasons we give ourselves not to move forward, to stay stuck.

Basically the point of the past few Wednesday has been to get you thinking about the reasons you tell yourself it is ok to be counting down for the weekend, to dread getting up each morning.  We all have reasons and we need to honor these reasons.  However, we also need to find ways around them, through them, over them.  The glitch comes in when these reasons become excuses, when they become the jail cell that keep us trapped in mediocrity.

The reason I started this series was because many of my clients were coming into my office wanting to make a change, to find a career that made their heart sing.  Unfortunately, much of their time was spent coming up with justifications as to why they were still in the wrong job for them.  It is my job to help clients recognize they are stuck in justification mode and start encouraging them to go exploring.  To start exploring how to work happier within the limitations their lifestyle, family, life situation present.  To develop creative ideas and new ways of looking at their lives so they can move out of the wrong job into a life that makes their heart sing.

Unfortunately not all of us can  quit our job today because we are unhappy.  However, I am asking you to take a good hard look at yourself and ask yourself are you legitimately coming up with ways around your reasons in staying in the wrong job or just using them as justifications for staying stuck?

All that is required is a little honesty, a little creative thinking/problem solving, and the desire to live a life that makes your heart sing.  You don't have to be miserable, you don't have to moan every time the alarm clock goes off signaling it is time to go to work. Simply by putting one foot in front of the other we can come up with a different way, a way that brings your joy and happiness.  You CAN Work Happier and Live Happier but first you have to move from the land of justification to the land of creative thinking.

Dream Validation

Recently I was talking with someone about what it is I do as a career counselor and I said, "Dream Validation, I validate people's dreams and then help them figure out the steps to achieve them".  Since then the words dream validation have been floating through my brain.  I love that idea, I wish I could be a dream validator for the world.  One thing I think that is missing from the world is we don't spend enough time in dream validation mode.  We immediately jump to practical, how can I do this mode and then we get freaked out because fears and doubts set in and we don't move forward.  The process of dream validation allows us to really get focused on the dream to embrace it, swim around in it, become consumed by it.  It allows the dream to become crystal clear, we can see it, feel it, taste it etc.

The problem is that for many of us our dream capabilities of have squashed, we have lost the ability to just imagine the possibilities without getting stuck on the how to or the what's next (I agree those are vitally important to the process but they mustn't be rushed into).  This past weekend my nearest and dearest and I went to the Airforce Musuem and we were looking at the 1st plane by the Wright Brothers--an amazing invention.  I am always awe struck by the idea that there were these 2 guys sitting around and decided we can fly and THEN they built a freakin' airplane. Can you imagine just sitting around the dining room table in the early 1900s talking about flying through the sky? In other words, their dream was crazy, unheard of, insane for the time and now because they validated that dream I could hop on a plane tonight and arrive in Paris tomorrow morning.    The people who have done great things in our world have all started with a dream, a dream they could vocalize and describe and picture in full color.  Then they took that technicolor dream and put one foot in front of the other and made it a reality. However, without dream validation that dream would never be a reality.

So my challenge to you today is to do a little dream validation for yourself.  To look at your life and imagine the possibilities. Go back to your childhood and think about your dreams, think about the afternoons spent lying on the grass, looking up at the clouds and just dreaming. What did you imagine your life to be?  What do you imagine the next 10, 20 30 years to be?  Don't think of the practicalities, today is for the dreaming.    You can even make it an event--have a dream validation dinner where you get together with close friends and family and you make a sacred safe place to share your dreams and you just validate and support each other.  Doesn't that sound amazing!?!  A place where anything is possible.  Yes we need to be practical and we we won't accomplish anything if we are always dreaming. But if we don't allow time to dream and validate those dreams we won't accomplish our dreams!!

Just One Thing

It is time once again for question of the week--I missed doing question of the week last week, and I debated doing two this week. But figured one is enough, which fits nicely with my theme today.  If you could pick ONE thing you wanted to change about your life in order to work happier or live happier--what would that be?  Quick--no analyzation--off the top of your head!  Answer the question!

As you know if you have been reading my blog, I am a big fan of dreaming big, figuring out what makes your heart sing and going for it!  However, I know it is easy to get stuck in the dream and not take any action towards living it.  So today I am going back to basics:  when you look at your life what is one thing you would like to change? Maybe it is the way you interact with your co-workers,  the amount you snack all day, the amount of time you spend in front of the TV, or how you organize your day.

Maybe the first thing that pops into your mind is something big like your job,  relationship, house, friendships, hobbies etc.  So then you can start picking with in that area, ok, what is one thing I would change about my job: my desk location, co-workers, the tasks I do every day, the amount of time I spend on the computer.  And slowly but surely you start breaking it down bit by bit until you get to the baby step you can change today.  If you ask yourself each day, what is one thing I can do/change about my life you will be making slowly steady progress in not only revealing your ideal life but achieving it.

The trick is to allow yourself the room and permission to dream big and then allow yourself the time and patience to come up with manageable tasks, comfortable bits that you can break off in achieving that dream.  Then most importantly to celebrate your accomplishment of those tasks. If you decide your one thing is that you want to stop checking e-mail obsessively and so you implement ways of doing that such as, turning off your e-mail application and only checking it at certain times in the day. Let's say for two days this week you actually accomplish that task!  Then celebrate!  Do a little jig at your desk or in your living room that you were able to implement a new change in your life.  We tend to miss those celebrations!

So the question of the week: What is the one thing you would like to change about your life?  And just in case you are curious---my answer to that question, when I asked it quick without analyzing was decreasing the volume of my negative voice.  Every now and when I am not being diligent the volume gets cranked up again.    So that is my challenge for the day/week thinking of little ways of turning down the volume on my negative voice.  What is your challenge?

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Check out my new website/blog!  Please check it out and be sure to sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

Part 4: Why Staying in the Wrong Job Isn't Always Right.

Wednesday again--seems like they come more and more quickly as we wrap up summer and fade into fall.  Today continues my series on debunking the myths on why people stay in the wrong job.  The point of my practice is to help people find a job that makes their heart sing.  Even though that idea sounds wonderful and intriguing to most of us, it is the fear, negativity, and doubts that keep us trapped in a job that leaves you unfulfilled.  Over the past few Wednesdays I have been trying to argue against these ideas and give you a chance to see the other side. So far I have covered: money, what if I am wrong, and status.  Today the reason is:

Stability
This is a doozy.  For some of you the idea of quitting your jobs with nothing there, not knowing where your next pay check will come from sounds exhilarating and exciting. This post is not for you. (Actually what are you waiting for? Quit your wrong job and find what makes your heart sing, actually you might have another negative message being tossed around in your brain but the need for stability isn't your issue).   For some of you that idea strikes fear in your heart, no, more than fear down right paralyzing.  Stability is a powerful force, it allows you to feel safe and secure knowing you have a paycheck, health benefits, vacation time and an IRA.  Food is on the table, credit cards are paid off (or almost), and the kids college funds are being built.  I am not arguing against stability, reasonable living, having the bills paid and food on the table. But I am going to ask you at what price, stability?

Many times when my clients, come in and start talking about their dream job they stop themselves mid-thought because immediately there mind goes into what if, what if I lose my retirement fund, what if we don't have health benefits, what if the stability of my next job isn't as great?  They don't even allow themselves to DREAM because the fear of losing stability gets in the way.  Without the dream, there is no creative thinking, without creative thinking there is no problem solving, without problem solving there is no way you will ever get out of your job to find something you absolutely love.  

I hear you that you value stability, that isn't a bad thing or a negative thing.  Stability brings money, and responsibility and retirement funds.  What stability doesn't bring is expansiveness.  It doesn't allow you to look beyond your stable job to brainstorm other ideas for what might make your heart sing.  It doesn't allow you to look at your other values and see how you can fit them into your life.  Stability just takes control.

Maybe you value helping people but in your stable job you are aren't really helping anyone face to face.  When you really ask yourself what is it I want to do, you realize you want to work with kids and help them.  So in your free time (maybe even 20 minutes a day) you start researching how to work with kids, you find some volunteering you can do and you start volunteering.  Because you are doing something that makes your heart sing, you become more energized and excited about life.  You start exploring going back to school part time to get your teaching license (yes, it will cost money and be tiring but you plunge ahead anyway) So you keep your job (stability still in place) and start going back to school.  Eventually you need to start looking for a new job in teaching, but you really want to keep the salary and the health benefits of your current job.  Decision time, maybe you decide you love teaching so much you are ready to make the leap. Maybe the draw of stability is too great, you need to wait until your kids are out of school.  So you wait, work your stable job, networking within the teaching world, and do tutoring on the side.

My point is:  don't let your need for stability keep you trapped in the wrong job.  Allow yourself to dream, allow yourself to think creatively and problem solve action steps.  You don't have to leave your job tomorrow, next year or even 5 years.  But paying attention to your other needs/values and slowly adding in activities that feed your soul will allow you to work with your need for stability vs using it as a barrier.

What reasons do you give yourself (or have given yourself in the past) for staying in a less then ideal job?  How have you gotten unstuck? What do you struggle with when it comes to discovering what makes your heart sing?

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I am totally excited about my new website/blog!  Please check it out and be sure to sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

A New Definition of Work

This past Spring,  my mom started a new chapter in her life, she retired.  After 30+ years as a school nurse and affecting thousands of children's lives she needed to retire.  If my mom had her way, she would have worked until she was 100, but the school system ran out of funding and she was asked to retire.  She is of retirement age, she 'should' be retired according to society's standards she just doesn't want to be.  In her retirement, she has been filling her time with new events and enjoying her time with her grandchildren. Last week we were talking and she said, "The one thing I don't understand is why when I tell people I am retired, the first thing out of their mouths is congratulations" "To me it doesn't feel like a congratulations, I want to be working, I will miss working, I loved working".

 I thought to myself, she's right, yes retirement is great.  It is wonderful to have the freedom to do what you want, sleep in, travel etc, but shouldn't we be doing all those things throughout our lives, not just waiting until we retire? My mom had a job she enjoyed, she contributed, she received positive feedback, did she absolutely jump up every morning and head to school with joy? No.  Did she count down until summer break? You bet.  But she also geared up with excitement come August to get ready to head back to school.  She came home at the end of the day happy to share stories and laugh about her day.  Basically she worked happier throughout her life and she should be congratulated for that.  But in my opinion it is more important to celebrate that she worked in a job she loved then that she is now finished with that job.

My point is, working shouldn't be something we are striving to stop doing.  Working should be something that overall makes us happy.  My mission is to change the reputation of work.  To change the definition of work into a positive idea.   Work should be something that makes our heart sing, maybe not all day long, but overall it makes us feel good about our lives and ourselves.  Work allows us to make a contribution and to live a life that is positive and energized. Work is hard, and there are days that are annoying, but when you look back on your days and weeks in your job do you enjoy it or are you counting down the days to retire?

To those who are retired, rock on, enjoy your freedom to travel, sleep in, hang by the pool.  To those of us who aren't what are you waiting for?  What do you want to do when you retire and how can you start adding more of that to your life today?

To my mom, congratulations on this new chapter in your life!  Thank you for showing me that work can be fun and that working happier is something we should strive for!  Enjoy your retirement!

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Make sure you check out my new website/blog.  You can sign up for a FREE 20 minute 'Get to Know You Session" with yours truly AND then sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

Work Happier Live Happier Spotlight: Michelle Barry Franco

I am so excited to announce a new feature on my blog--The Work Happier Live Happier Spotlight.  In the Spotlight, I will be interviewing individuals who are on their Work Happier Journey and have found a career that makes their heart sing!!

Today I am interviewing, Michelle Barry Franco, she is a Business Coach who helps entrepreuners make their Wild Business Dreams Real.  Please check out her fantastic website--complete with her own artistic drawings at:  www.MichelleBarryFranco.com

As a Business Coach, you help enterpreneurs, Make Their Wild Business Dreams Real. What is it you love about your coaching role?

On a broad scale, I love that I am making this whole world a better place by helping my clients make a more powerful Contribution in the world. I am absolutely certain that our world needs the specific and unique gifts that each of us is fancily wired/trained to bring. I get to be a part of bringing those gifts - and solving the problems that those gifts solve - by helping my clients be bigger, bolder versions of their authentic selves.

On an individual basis, I love the process of revealing the true message that each of my clients is trying to share. It is immensely satisfying to get their unique gifts articulated in a way that feels really exciting and exactly right to them. Then we get to translate those gifts into invitations to their potential clients for their work together and magnetic speeches, articles and books. Their businesses grow (!) and they feel like they are showing up exactly as they want to be in the world. It's awesome.

I absolutely love this quote from Howard Thurman:  Don't ask what the world needs, Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it!  Because what the worlds needs is people who come alive!!!' What are the activities you engage in when you feel most alive?

Well, I love to dance - and a dance party in my living room with my husband and three baby girls is an amazingly "alive" feeling for me!

In my business, I feel the most alive when I am in conversation with a roomful of people (workshop or speaking event) and I can feel the moment in our exchange when our thinking aligns on the topic. Even more exciting is when I see the note-scribbling and the eye-shifting that indicates to me that new ideas are flowing for those in the room in an unexpected way. It's so brilliant to be a part of that process with people.

This same kind of brilliantly "alive" effect occurs in client sessions when we have worked hard at taking new angles and explorations and things are feeling a bit lost and mixed up (this is always a rough moment, no matter how many times I go through it.) Somehow, and there is a bit of unexplainable magic to it, it all comes together in a moment and the right message or offer or strategy shows up that feels like the perfect culmination of it all. I love the excitement I feel and see in my client - and the giddy feeling I experience at the same time.

Many people believe once they find the work that makes their heart sing the journey is over. It seems you have found the work that makes your heart sing. What have you found to be the joys and challenges of that realization?

Ahhh... the joys and challenges...
Let's start with challenges because I always choose the hard stuff first so I can let the good stuff linger indefinitely... My greatest challenge in my work is recognizing my own barriers when they are in the way of my big Contribution in the world. It took me a really long time to step into my own Wild Business Dream - though I always knew it was in there, I thought it had to be smaller for some reason. I still don't exactly know why I thought that - but it was definitely there and it absolutely got in my way. In my case, it made it difficult for me to speak to the right clients who would actually benefit from my own Contribution in the world. Not surprisingly, many of my clients have the same kinds of "stealth barriers" that can be difficult to recognize in our work together. I work with really smart people who have learned to build stories around their decisions (just as I have) and those stories can sound so right on that it can take a bit of time to see that they are simply not useful and totally shiftable stories. Then, even if we see the barrier, it can be a challenge to move through it to create the big leap we know is possible.

Which is where the joy comes in! When we break through those barriers, I get to see the coolest evolution of a person's greatest Contribution in the world. Seriously, what an honor to get to help a person be more brilliant, more successful and make this whole world a better place just by being more themselves! Also, see the "alive" question above for more about the joys.

As for the journey being over - oh my! I can't imagine! Every single client, speaking audience, workshop group is so different and the journey just shows up new each time. It's only just begun...

I would assume in your work, one of the main things you do is help people overcome the negative voices that seem to take place and hold on for dear life.  What tips do you have for overcoming the voices of should and dealing with the insecurities and messages "to stay small" that inevitably pop up?

My number one tip - ignore them! And if only that worked the majority of the time - argh! So, when that doesn't work, I like to give them voice. I encourage clients to share the thoughts that they are experiencing so we can do a "check" on them. Is the thought absolutely true? How do we know it's true? What other truths exist that might even contradict that one? What, of the truth options, serves us the best in our Wild Business Dream?

We can't create big dreams when we are playing in small territory. It can help to regularly check in on the ways we really want to make a powerful impact in the world and then remind ourselves that this isn't about a big ego ride - it's about making the whole world a better place. No one is optimally served when we don't step into our greatest power to make that kind of difference.

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Make sure you check out my new website/blog.  You can sign up for a FREE 20 minute 'Get to Know You Session" with yours truly AND then sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

Part 3: Why Staying in the Wrong Job Isn't Always Right.

Welcome to Hump Day--only 2 more work days until the weekend.  Wouldn't it be nice if you weren't constantly on a countdown to the weekend? If you weren't living only for the time you aren't working.  For the past few Wednesday, I have been debunking some of the myths people hold as to why it is ok that they stay in a job that doesn't make their heart sing.  So far we have covered two of the biggies:  Money and what if I am wrong. Today we are going to look at:

Reason number 3: I can't give up my job title/status.


Frequently I will have clients who come into my office who have a high paying, professional job and they have worked their way up over the years, only to find they aren't that happy.  Here they are at 35+ and realizing they don't really like their job, they don't like what they are doing, they don't like the company's mission, basically they are generally unhappy. Many of them even know what it is they want to do next, but they have convinced themselves they can't leave because then their whole professional life would be a waste.  They would be giving up their title and status.   All the markers they have for success would need to change.

Many years ago, I had a client who for years worked in the retail industry, she worked her way up and was a buyer for a large retail organization.  In reality she hated it, she hated the hours, hated the company, hated the job.  But it is what she had done her whole adult life, worked her way up in the retail industry.  Plus, she looked like a success. She had a high paying job, with a great title, she had the respect of her peers and even the people who didn't know what a buyer did knew it was impressive.  Essentially she kept telling herself I SHOULD be happy.

However, what she really wanted to do was open up a bed and breakfast.  For years, she had dreamed about owning her own place.  She loved to cook and more so loved to take care of people.  She had piles and books of ideas of what she could do with her own bed and breakfast.  For weeks she would come into my office debating between finding a new retail job or start working towards her dream of a bed and breakfast.  Every week she would come into my office and describe in detail what her B&B would look like and inevitably the following week she would start the session by describing a job she thought she should apply for in retail.  Basically she was afraid that if she left her job in retail world, her whole working life would be a waste.  She would have nothing to show for the past 15+ years she had been working.  Plus she would have to find a new way to define success.  In the past, success was her title, her car, her company's name. Now she would be starting over and that was very scary.

Finally I asked her to write down everything she learned good and bad from her retail career.  She had a list 3 pages long of ideas, growth experiences, mistakes she had learned from etc.  I told her, know one can take this away from you, just because you don't continue to work in retail doesn't mean you are going to lose all this knowledge and throw away all your work.  We also did a lot of work on the definition of success.  I had her write down and research the lives of people she admired and thought were successful.  Most of those people, had gone out on their own, lived lives of adventure, followed their heart.  They weren't working for a large corporation making their way up.  Turns out the nice job title, fancy car and corporate name were marks of success for her father not her.  Gradually she started to believe in her dream and began making baby steps towards making it a reality.  I am proud to report that she did leave her corporate job and now is living her dream.

The point is there is nothing wrong with climbing the corporate ladder, if that is what makes your heart sing.  The danger comes when you are working a job, climbing the ladder because you THINK you SHOULD or you are afraid to lose your status. Your career is meant to be something you love and enjoy, something that feeds your soul and makes you happy.  The only way to Work Happier and Live Happier is to debunk the myth, you can give up the status if it isn't really making you happy.

What reasons do you give yourself (or have given yourself in the past) for staying in a less then ideal job?  How have you gotten unstuck? What do you struggle with when it comes to discovering what makes your heart sing?

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I am totally excited about my new website/blog!  Please check it out and be sure to sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!

Clues from our Childhood

Time for another question of the week.  This week we are going to our past, our childhood to see if it holds clues to our current passions.  You will be surprised how often it does.  So this week's question is: What were some activities you loved doing as a child?

You might look at this question, wondering what it could possibly tell you about your life now.  I admit it sounds strange but 9 times out of 10 when I ask clients this question they remember an activity that they absolutely loved and don't engage in now. One of my favorite examples was told to me by a mentor who asked someone this question and she answered as a child she loved decorating her Barbie Dream house.  She was constantly changing the rooms, coming up with new designs, using carpet samples and wrapping paper as wall paper.  When asked why she wasn't doing more decorating now, or at least using her creativity she didn't have an answer.  As she had gotten older and taken on more and more responsibilities her creativity had been pushed to the side.  She started doing decorating and eventually started a small decorating business.  She was thrilled.

I admit the answer to this question isn't always so clear. When I was a child I loved to teach, whether I was pretending to speak to an audience (yep, I use to role play being a professional speaker), teaching my stuffed animals or having my barbies (I LOVED Barbie) be a teacher, teaching was a common theme in my childhood play.  Today I love teaching, not in the traditional elementary school stand in front of the chalkboard way but through this blog, through my clients, in my speaking.  Teaching is something that makes my heart sing, and it is something I do in an indirect way every day of my life.

Your answer doesn't have to be life changing.  It could be as simple as swimming.  I admit, although I am learning how to swim correctly, I absolutely love jumping in the pool and just being able to do flips, dive to the bottom and act like a child.    Or maybe you loved being outdoors, playing at the beach, skiing, baking or drawing.  Childhood was a time that we could try all the activities we wanted, we could be free to test out our creativity, sense of adventure and passions.  As we grow older we sometimes forget those passions because we have added too many sensible responsibilities.  For today, return to your childhood and the activities that you use to fill your free time with--do you want to add any of those activities to your life today?  Feel free to share them below!  Your idea might spark someone-else's passion!!

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Please check out my new website/blog and be sure to sign up for my FREE 25+ page Work Happier Tool Kit.  It is a self study guide to help you get clear on what makes your heart sing!!!