On Living with Passion

Yesterday, I decided to put together a brief survey to see what you, my lovely tribe is thinking and how I could best serve you.  I sent it out via my newsletter and have started getting preliminary results in over the past 24 hours.  I have glanced over the results--still hoping to get more feedback--but have been surprised to see that the number one topic my clients want to see more is about living with passion.  With a close second being life balanced.  

So last night I was laying in bed thinking what does it mean to live with Passion?  What does a passionate life look like?  I am sure for each of us that question would be answered very differently.  But for me, living with passion means to be fully engaged: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  To not shrink back from life, to not become complacent or zombie'esque.  To truly embrace life both it's joy and it's sorrow.

There was a time I would have thought a passionate life meant one of mystic and adventure.  A life filled with danger and excitement with lots of travel and zest.  As I have gotten older, I realize, true passion comes with depth and vulnerability.  Passion comes from intentionality and awareness.

Passion is not for the weak of heart, not because it is adventurous and mystical.  But because it requires, tuning in, staying engaged, and stepping up.  Passion comes in the day to day.  Passion comes through gratitude and acknowledgement.  Passion comes from knowing when to dig deeper and when to let go.

I can look around at my life and see examples of passion. Moments of time when I am fully alive, fully engaged.  Moments such as last week when my nearest and dearest treated me to a massage and then I was able to spend the rest of the afternoon reading on the back porch.  Or standing next to those close to me who are struggling with health issues, fighting for them and with them to improve their quality of life. Passion even comes in my monthly book club (wine club) where a group of strong independent women, share their fears and vulnerabilities as well as their joys and victories!!  Passion can be found in all areas of life.

I want to hear from you:  what is your definition of passion?  What do you feel passionate about?  How would you know that your life has passion in it?

I also want to hear your input on my services:  To have your voice heard, please click here to take my uber quick survey (just 3 questions)!  Thanks!!

Photo Credit:  EvelynGiggles

A Powerful Visual for Facing our Mongers

I have frequently talked about the fear monger on this blog.  The fear monger is just one of the many mongers we have to deal with on a day to day basis. The definition of a monger being:  someone who's job it is to promote something unpleasant. So we all have fear mongers, whose job it is to promote fear and uncertainty.  We also have the self doubt monger, the 'who do you think you are?' monger, the shame monger, the guilt monger and on and on.  Their jobs are to promote negative feelings in order to keep us safe and protected and small.

The other day a client and I were talking about the power of these mongers.  It seems no matter what decisions we make, how resolved we may feel, or how supported we are in those decisions..we will always have to deal with our  mongers.  This client was telling me about a wonderful analogy that he thinks of when he has to deal with his mongers--he said he read it somewhere but couldn't remember where.

Basically we are all driving our own bus, and our passengers are our mongers.  Our job as the bus driver is to be clear on our destination, and the mongers job as the passengers are to keep us safe and protected and therefore to basically stop the bus.  As we are driving the bus, one by one the mongers will come up to the front of the bus and let us know why we shouldn't  continue  on our destination.  They will take turns giving their particular reason as to why we should stop the bus. Each monger has a different job, self doubt, 'who do you think you are', fear, or 'you can't do that' (to name a few).  Our job as the bus driver is to be really clear about our destination, not listen to the mongers and keep driving the bus.

I love this analogy because the number one way I have found to deal with the mongers is to physically acknowledge and the diminish their power.  This bus driving analogy gives me an easy. practical, visual  and physical way of acknowledging and diminishing.  In my own world, the mongers tend to come out and play more when I am trying to write.  As I sit down to write and begin my process, I will eventually be inundated with 'you can't do that',' who are you to write that', 'you have had no real training'.  And before I know it the last thing I want to do is write, and I find myself sitting in front of the TV watching Real Housewives. Recently I have tried this visual as I have been writing.  When I am sitting at my computer, it is like I am driving the bus and as the mongers come up to whisper in my ear I can turn to them and ask them to take their seat and visualize them returning, because I am driving to the completed book destination!!  Having this image in my head combined with the physical act of turning and telling the monger to sit down has made a HUGE difference in both my writing and my monger defeating.

I highly recommend that you try this exercise/visual when you are dealing with your own mongers.  Finding a way to physically acknowledge the mongers brings them into the room and prevents them from talking endlessly and unconsciously . Then physically diminishing them and asking them to leave, visualizing them returning to their seat and you back as the bus driver headed towards your destination gives you the power back. Let me know how it works for you!!

 If this analogy sounds familiar to you and you know the source--please let me know in the comments section below!  Thanks!!

What Comes Next?!?!?

One of the most often used phrases when I initially talk to clients is "I am trying to figure out what comes next".  The 'what comes next' phrase is used frequently in my line of work.  That is why clients come to see me--they are stuck in indecision trying to figure out 'what comes next'.

It is my belief that in order to get unstuck, make a decision and figure out what comes next, we need to know what we value.  If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you know that naming your values is the crux of my work.  In fact, I have a free guidebook (ironically called, the What Comes Next Guidebook) that is all about naming your values.  I have all of my clients name and define their top 5 values.  I believe when we can name what is most important and what we place the highest priority on we can live a life that is both more intentional and easier.  When we know what ideas, things, people are hands down at the end of the day something we won't move forward without, we know how to make better decisions.

Let's face it life doesn't always go as planned--let me rephrase that life rarely goes as planned. Situations happen, tragedies occur, opportunities strike and we are forced to make a decision.  These decisions become so much easier when we know what is most important, when we know what we value.  I use this exercise all the time with clients when we are debating which career fits best--we take a look at the career and then we take a look at what they value.  If a particular career won't enable that which is the highest priority to flourish then that career isn't for that particular client.

Lately, I have found this exercise particularly useful in my own life.  Events have occurred outside of my control, last minute changes happen, things come up and each day seems to bring a new surprise/situation.  As I navigate through this new territory, the question 'what comes next?' comes up more and more frequently for me so I have called up on my values more than ever.

Whenever I have a decision to be made about how to spend my time, how to prioritize or how to move forward...I think about my values.  And I quickly get a sense of clarity and calm, it brings me back to, yes, in the midst of all the stuff that is happening around you---these 5 things are THE MOST IMPORTANT.  When I stay true to these 5 things, everything else falls into place and I know what move to make next.

 It is easy to get muddied up with what other people value, what we think we SHOULD value, or what we are told to value.  It is when we make decisions from our soul, from a place of rootedness and groundedness, that we will have comfort.  We will know that no matter how shaky the world becomes around us, we can operate out of a sense of peace and  comfort, knowing we are moving forward making choices based on what is the highest priority to us.

What to figure out what is most important to you?  Sign up for my What Comes Next Guidebook to get started on naming your top 5 values and begin the process of figuring out what comes next.

Thanks to Bilal Kammon for the very cool photo!!

Self Care=Self Awareness

Last week I did a presentation on self care.   Self care is one of my favorite and more popular topics and I have presented on this topic numerous times.  Self care is at the crux of all we do, if we aren't caring for ourselves, nurturing ourselves that we aren't as happy, productive, and engaged.  Self care is also such a 'buzz word' these days.  We all know HOW to care for ourselves.

As I was preparing for the presentation I pulled out my usual information about taking care of the self body, mind and spirit.  I looked at my information on taking 3 deep breaths, getting enough sleep, exercising, eating right and drinking enough water.  I then thought about my own struggle with self care--it isn't so much that I don't know HOW to do it or don't know what the ideal steps to self care are--it is that I get so caught up in my own to do list, obligations (real and imagined) and the anxiety that surrounds them that I don't even notice that my neck is hurting or my breathe is shallow and from my chest.

The times I am most successful at self care is when I am taking the time to build in self awareness.  When I take the time to notice how I am feeling, to pay attention to my body and not just what comes next.  I have found, self care has to start with having self awareness that we need to take care of ourselves. To break the cycle of push, push, push we need to establish time to do that.  We need to establish rituals that break us out of our every day patterns.

Rituals such as:

• Every time you hit a stop light take 3 deep belly breaths.
• At work every time you hang up the phone take a drink of water.
• Every hour get up and walk around or do some stretching.
• When you are eating a meal, pay attention to what and how you are eating.
• When you are in the shower, take time to really be in the shower not reciting your to do list. 

When we can establish these rituals we bring to break the cycle of push push push, we hop off the proverbial treadmill for a period of time and bring awareness to our mind, body and spirit.  From this point from this place of awareness we can then bring some self care, self acceptance and self love.  The trick is to not only engage in the rituals but after each ritual or as we are doing the ritual to bring awareness to our body, mind and spirit.

Self awareness give us a chance to tune into what we are really feeling, what we need and how we can best care for ourselves.  Bottom line without self awareness there can be no self care.  Without self care there can be no growth because we are too freakin' exhausted from the obligations of life to really think about what it is we need, want and desire.

What about you where do you struggle in adding self care to your life?  What self care/self awareness rituals have you implemented in your own life?

Watershed Moments

Recently I toured a gin distillery in our town of Columbus, Ohio--called Watershed Distillery.  It all started because a group of friends were sitting around one evening enjoying a glass (or maybe more) of gin and asked themselves--I wonder if we could distill gin that tastes better than this and so they did.  They apprenticed with other gin distillers around the country, they bought their own still from Germany and went through hundreds if not thousands of dry runs to come up with the perfect gin.

I am continually fascinated by stories like this one.  Because they took it the next step--they said I wonder if we could make quality gin and then they went about researching how to make good gin.   They didn't sit around and say "no we can't do that", "what a crazy idea", "it will cost too much money".  They didn't let their Fear Monger take over.

These guys referred to it as their Watershed Moment--thus the name of the distillery.  Watershed Moment meaning the moment when everything changed.  When they went to kick off the opening of their distillery they traveled around with the chalkboard sign pictured above and asked people to write about their Watershed Moment.  They then posted on their Facebook wall various people pictured with their particular Watershed Moments that occurred--check it out here.  Brilliant!  Not just as an marketing tool--they said the buzz about their gin grew by leaps and bounds by doing this particular tour--but because of the conversation it starts.  The thoughts it generates about passion, dreams, life, excitement, busting out of routine and the power in every day moments.  These Watershed Moments can happen in the blink of an eye, after a long thought out debate, or in one spur of the moment conversation.

I admit I love gin and I particularly love Watershed gin (just as a side note I am not being paid, or reimbursed for this blog post) but what I absolutely love about the Watershed Distillery as a business is the conversation it generated after the tour.  A conversation about passion, dreams, possibilities, lost ideas, new ideas, lost opportunities and renewed hope.  It was an excited, bantering, passionate conversation.  It was a conversation about living and working happier about moments that have changed us and moments that we missed and why.

These are the conversations that cause great change.  These are the conversations that get to the root of life, the true meaning.  Without the Watershed Moments in our life where would we be.  The moments that changed everything---whether they be an idea we generate and follow through with, a decision we make deliberately, a spur of the moment plan or a totally unexpected out of the blue shocker.  Watershed Moments are pivotal times in our lives.

How would you fill in the blank? The time I: _______ Changed my Life.

Road Trips, Station Wagons and Life Lessons.

Last week I took a road trip with my parents.  It had been YEARS since I had done a road trip with them and not surprisingly brought back a lot of memories.  One of the more predominant was our yearly trip to watch a professional baseball games--just 2 hours from our home.  As the youngest girl with 2 older brothers I was use to being odd man out--but on these trips we would gather in family friends who had one son who was also older then me.  Today, I lovingly refer to him as my 3rd brother but at the time he was just one more 'boy to taunt and joke with me.

On the way down to the game we would ride in the station wagon--the beauty of these cars was they had 3 rows of seating with the last row facing to the back.  My memory of this event was that the 3 boys would sit in the much coveted last row and laugh, play games, post signs out the window and basically just have a totally amazing time.  I on the other hand, was stuck in the middle seat with 'the moms'.  Half way through the trip--by some stroke of luck, or my incessant whining (I honestly can't remember) the moms agreed to move to the back seat and the boys moved to the middle seat.   I can clearly remember crawling into the 3rd row with eager anticipation for the games, signs and general merriment that would ensue.  Much to my disappointment I quickly realized, the merriment had nothing to do with the seat!!!  It didn't take long before the boys were laughing, and sign making in the middle seat and I again was stuck listening to 'the moms' talk about mom stuff!!   As I shared this memory with my parents--they both had absolutely no recollection of it--both just remembered having a great time and riding down and chatting with their friends.

But for me this memory has stuck.  That one car ride provided me with a lot of life lessons.

We each view life from our own lens, perception is powerful.  Each person in that car saw that experience very differently.  As we go through life interacting with bosses, co-workers, spouses and friends it is important to recognize they aren't seeing the situation in the same way.


Fun can be had anywhere---it just depends with whom you surround yourself. With the right people you can make anything fun.  With the wrong people, you can make anything boring. Sometimes you just have to make your own fun. When you are surrounded by the 'wrong people' you might need to take the reigns yourself and make your own fun.


The answer doesn't always involve major change.  Sometimes little changes can make a big difference.  Had I brought my own toys or made up my own games rather then dwelling on how much fun THEY were having I would have had a much better time.  There were many ways to handle this situation that would have worked out better for me.

It isn't always about THEM.  Honestly I was just jealous of the fun they were having, even if I got to ride in the back seat with the boys--it still wouldn't have been fun for me.  Many of their jokes went over my head, I didn't think the same activities were enjoyable and we are just very different kids.  In life sometimes you just have to learn that they aren't always doing it better.  Sometimes you have to figure out your own way.

What childhood memories might provide life lessons if you look at them today?

Thanks to Hugo90 childhood reminder via his pic.

Walking Zombies

This appeared in my newsletter last week and wanted to share it here.  If you don't already subscribe to my newsletter you can do so by clicking here:  

Yesterday I was working at a local coffee shop. When I looked up from my computer I was watching the people walking by. Have you ever stopped and looked at people as they go about their day to day activity? I was amazed that 75% looked totally unengaged with life, whether they be hurrying to the next event, ambling along, talking on their cell phone or even walking next to someone...they appeared disengaged and uninterested in life. They looked, in fact, like zombies. Walking zombies. Now the other 25% were laughing, smiling, looking intently or listening with vigor. They seemed engaged in whatever was going on around them even if it was just walking down the street. It got me thinking about how often we check out of our lives, our work, our relationships. How often are we nothing more than zombies going through our life.

Maybe that is why there is such an influx of zombie shows these days because on some small level we can relate, or we want to relate. Perhaps we are all so tired of being pulled in a thousand directions. Overwhelmed from engaging in activities we don't really want to be a part of. Just down right unhappy. So it becomes easier to walk through life like a zombie. Or maybe we have stopped questing for more. Perhaps a part of us has given up, we have gotten the excitement and passion beaten out of us and so being a zombie has just become our default mode. We become stuck in old patterns, home, work, lunch, work, dinner, TV, bed, home, work, lunch, work, dinner, TV, bed and over and over and over we repeat the cycle. Only to be shifted up with the occasional Saturday of laundry, chores and errands.

It's time to re-engage!! It's time to ask yourself what do I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want out of my life! What little or even big changes can I make in my life that will give me the energy to be more engaged? What do I need to snap out of it and join the walking (even dancing a little) living and not be one more walking dead. Even if life has beaten you down, even if you are exhausted, tired and depleted, just ask yourself what would make me feel good today, what would add to my life right now? What can I do in this moment that will bring me connection with myself or others--make a phone call to a friend, write an email to a loved one, ditch the to-do list, order takeout from your favorite restaurant, schedule a date night, look up grad schools, research a new job!! The first step is to recognize the danger (and comfort) of joining the ranks of the zombies. It might appear easier, it might appear joyfully mindless. But over here on the other side in the 25% of the world that is laughing, crying, joyful and enraged--life is bright and vibrant. Life is engaging and exciting. Life is full of unexpected joys and challenges--here life is anything but monotonous.

So I am curious--are you feeling like a zombie? Are you tired of walking through life controlled by your to do list and/or other people's expectations?

Thanks to Scott McLeod for the photo!

Get off the Couch

Recently I was meeting with a client and we were discussing as I do with all my clients Energy in vs. Energy out.  It is the concept of 'how full is your bucket' and being intentional about your energy resources.  What activities are you engaging in that deplete you energy and what activities are you engaging in that add to your energy resources.  Frequently when I do this exercise clients will have the 'ah ha' that they are expending a lot of energy on activities/people that they don't want to be giving energy too.  Therefore they don't have the energy to engage in the activities/people they want to be giving to.  The concept is to get curious and determine what are the activities that give you energy?

For many people they haven't thought of or engaged in these activities for a long time.  For some reason it is easier to go along and give our energy to the item that is most demanding, and pressing--which tends to correlate with the activity/people that drains us the most.  True, we can't always stop from engaging in that activity---but we can find other activities that give us more energy, we can find ways to fill our bucket back up when it gets drained.  When we are walking around with a disparity in the favor of energy out there is no way we are going to live or work happier.  We are just drained.

So this client I mentioned above and I were talking about what these activities were for her.  She discussed a number of activities that she wanted to engage in but too often she is so exhausted by the end of the day she finds herself just sitting on the couch with her partner, watching TV--even if she has seen the TV show repeatedly she is there on the couch, safe, comfortable zoned out.  I agreed and lamented right along with her.  I admit too often my nearest and dearest and I end up couch potatoes rather than 'doing' an activity that inspires us. Honestly I rarely regret getting off the couch and engaging in an activity--I rarely say 'wow I wish I would have stayed home and watched TV'.  Yes, sometimes a good day  o'TV is relaxing, sometimes there is nothing I look forward to more than just chilling in front of the TV.  But when it becomes a time vampire then it is time to really take a look at how we are spending our time/energy.  When it is preventing us from engaging in life, and our passions we need to take a closer look.

My client asked "what do I do about this pattern?" "how do I change it?" and I quickly responded "We need to get off the couch."  .  We need to be intentional about time and energy. The danger of the TV is once the switched has been flipped to turn it on--it is next to impossible to turn it off.  Something about energy waves, master plot by the TV gods, or the hypnotic nature of watching life on a big screen, makes it next to impossible to turn it off.  So it is about being intentional about when you want to watch TV, what you want to watch and not turning it on in the mean time.  It is about facing what is keeping you trapped on the couch, lack of ideas, lack of resources, fear of trying something new, fear of getting out of your comfort zone, or  just too tired.

If you are too tired to get off the couch and do something new, look at how you are spending your energy through out the day.  When you look at your energy in vs energy out ?  Are you giving your energy to the activities and people you most enjoy and if not why?

Life's Disappointments

Last week,  I wrote about Dealing with What ifs.  But sometimes our what ifs do come true--honestly if they didn't come true from time to time we wouldn't have them.  Disappointments happen all the time.  We don't get the promotion, we didn't get the job, our review went poorly, we didn't get into the school program we wanted.  And those are just the 'career-esque' disappointments.  We have the disappointments in relationships, parenting and overall life all the time.

Bottom line and it might sound cliche, but disappointments are truly a sign that you are engaging in your life. When we are disappointed that usually means we actually took a risk, made a tough decision, became vulnerable or share a part of ourselves.  True, disappointments could happen even if you never left your house, health issues could occur, or your house could catch on fire.  The probability for disappointments to occur goes up exponentially the more risks, you take.

So what to do with disappointments, how do we brace ourselves for them?  How do we recover from them?  Honestly, there is no easy way to recover from a disappointment.  The first step is one we often skip in our society--mostly because it involves feelings.  We need to allow for the grief, allow for the sadness, allow for the temper tantrum that you want to throw because we are so heartbroken and just out and out bummed.  Too often we are told 'suck it up', 'get over it', 'think positive', 'it could be worse '(my personal favorite).  All which are true statements.  The truth about grief is if we don't express it, don't feel it, don't share it, then it will come out in other ways and at other times.  The sadness and frustration that comes from disappointment is understandable and human.  It is natural.  It is expected.  It needs to be expressed.

That time of grieving allows us to heal, prepare the battle scars for the next risk, for the next challenge.  Similarly to a broken bone, if we don't give it time to heal, feel the soreness, and rest the area it won't heal correctly. If we don't give ourselves time to circle the wagons, feel the sadness and heal we won't be able to realistically develop the next steps.  That is the second most important aspect… making next steps.  After we are healed it is important to risk again, put ourselves out there and try again.  There comes a time when we have to try to walk on a broken ankle,maybe it is baby steps, maybe it is with assistance but there comes a time to use that bone again.  So too with disappointments, there comes a time to put ourselves out there again and take a risk.  Honestly, the more comfortable and experience we get with the process the more resilient we can become.  We will always feel loss and sadness over a disappointment but we will also know the possibility and power of re-engaging.

How have you dealt with the disappointments in your life?