Wondering Wednesday: What would you do if you didn't need money?

Welcome to Wondering Wednesday.  Today's question is what would you do if you didn't need money?  What if you won the lottery or suddenly inherited millions of dollars and you didn't HAVE to work.  How would you spend your time?

I frequently ask this question of my clients and the usual answers are filled with such things as travel, spend time with my kids, hang on the couch, work on the house etc.  And then I ask them again, so after the initial 6 months wear off and you just have time, you have traveled some and shopped some and now you just have time--really allowing yourself to expand and imagine your life--What would you do?  And then more individualized answers emerge, gardening, painting, going back to school, reading, or writing.  As people really think about their answers, slowly ideas and activities they haven't thought about in years begin to come to the surface.  The 'i have to's' begin to fade and soon their life becomes full of possibilities and ideas of their unique contribution to the world.

This question allows us to go beyond the usual day to day mindset of paying bills, planning for retirement or the kids college funds and allows us to get in touch with the unique activities that feed our soul.  From the answers, two things can happen.  First, I encourage my clients to start finding ways to add in some of theses activities right now.  If swimming comes up  then start figuring out how to add swimming to your life.  Or maybe it is dance, so figure out how to dance more--even if it is just in your living room.  When we start adding more of these 'uniquely us' activities in to our day to day lives we get out of our ruts and into our souls.  For some of you these activities may be enough to give you the energy to continue doing your day to day 'money earning' job.  But for those that want more you can go to step 2 which is to start asking yourself how can I get paid for these activities that are 'uniquely me'.  Maybe it is trying to figure out how to go back to school part time, getting free-lance writing gigs, teaching people how to dance,  helping people get healthier, becoming a professional baker or becoming a landscape designer.

I love this question, because it is a way to get in touch with the long buried activities that make you happy.  It is a great starter question on the path to figuring out what makes your heart sing.  What would YOU do if you didn't need money?  Feel free to share in the comments section--I'll go first...

Space to Breathe

This week I am on vacation.  I am visiting some dear friends of mine in Oregon, doing some skiing and just taking a break.  Yesterday as I finished my day and enjoyed time with my friends I thought, it is nice to be on vacation, not because I hate my life in Ohio, (because I love my life and the people in it), but because I tend to get hyper-focused on my life on the day to day patterns and chores.  I get tunnel vision on making my life better, doing my relationships better, doing my business better and I forget to take space to breathe.  That is what this time is allowing me, space to breathe.  To turn around from the little corner of the room that I have been uber-focused on and see that there is a big wide world out there, full of new sights, perspectives and people.

So you are saying, great I love vacation too but I have a life at home, kids, career, responsibilities.  I hear you!!  As I lay in bed last night I thought even though I love to travel I don't want to do it every day of my life.  So I am proposing that we build into our every day lives space to breathe.  A space to unhook from our lives, deprogram, refocus and recenter.  I think the key is to first get out of our normal routine which then allows us to see the world differently, which will then cause us to gain some perspective and clarity about our own lives.  There are a 1000 ways to do this:  a meditation practice, going a different way to work, having date night at a new restaurant, exploring a new part of your city, getting a massage, getting a new haircut, striking up a conversation with a stranger, meeting an old friend for coffee, going ice skating, roller skating or skiing, trying something new for the first time, etc.

This week I encourage you to take your own mini vacation, take some space to breathe and see what happens.  Take a break from stressing about what comes next or how to be happier. Give yourself the gift of space, I promise it will make all the difference.

Wondering Wednesday: Who are you?

As humans we are a wonderful mix of personality traits. We can be silly one minute and sad the next.  We can enjoy working with people AND working with spreadsheets.  We can like eating veggies AND a steak.  To the same degree, we can love hanging out with people and hate going to parties.  Or we can LOVE skiing and hate the snow.  We are full of contrasts and complexities.  Too often we try to simplify ourselves down to a certain stereotype, a certain mold.  We try to compartmentalize ourselves into a box.  I am a Secretary, I am a Doctor, I am a Lawyer.  In reality we are full of inconsistencies, differences and uniqueness.

I frequently fall into this trap, I am a career counselor who write and speaks about living happier, being the best you possible who also is a huge skeptic and part time cynic.  I am an individual who loves speaking in front of groups, feels at peace and connected when I am doing that and also know that I will need 10 hours to regroup from such an experience.  I am a woman who loves to challenge myself and push my limits and will often cry while doing so.  We send confusing messages, we act in variety of ways, we are who we are.

Recently I was talking with a mentor of mine and he was saying that we can be 2 completely different people like a great business mind like Donald Trump and a spiritual thinker like Eckhart Tolle.  Or as I said I felt I was Oprah Winfrey and Alanis Morissette--a spiritual thinker and a spiritual cynic.  It's fun to think of it as who you are as a famous person, but it doesn't even have to be a famous person. Maybe you are a wonderful mom and an inspiring entrepreneur.  Maybe you are a creative cook and a fabulous organizer or a gifted writer and an avid runner.

So today for your Wondering Wednesday step out of your box and spend some time thinking Who am I?  What are all the wonderful gifts, personality quirks and unique traits that I bring to the world?  When we embrace ALL of who we are we can live happier and work happier.

First Step in Working Happier: Believing You Can.

Recently someone said to me "you know, I love reading your blog and I love your message but I really don't believe it applies to me, I really don't believe that I can find the work that makes my heart sing".  I know this person pretty well, and they are one of my biggest fans, frequently telling others about my services and how I can help them, so it was a little disheartening to know that for them personally my message doesn't apply.  But when I stopped and thought about it, I think that for many of us that is a common action.  We preach the importance of understanding our values, and finding the work that makes us happier, let we aren't willing to stop and look at our own stuff.  I know I struggle with that from time to time, REALLY practicing what I preach.  Because you know what, this stuff is HARD.  It is hard to be aware, pay attention, communicate clearly and not ignore our thoughts, feelings and needs.

It is also hard to give ourselves enough credit to say, "you know, I am worth the work".  I am worth the struggle of figuring out what keeps me stuck.  I am worth learning about my values, paying attention to old messages and finally taking the baby steps necessary to make some meaningful changes in my life.  There is an incongruence in the action of preaching one message for others and believing a different one for ourselves.  Bottom line I believe EVERYONE can find have a life they love and enjoy (most of the time). I believe we all will have struggles and times of despair but overall in our lives we can look at our work, relationships and lifestyle and say "I am living happier".

Living Happier isn't like winning the lottery, it doesn't just happen to 'the other guy".  Living and Working happier can happen to you, it just requires getting quiet, listening to yourself, answering some tough questions, and unhooking some old beliefs. We all deserve to live and work happier. To find a job that makes our heart sing.

If you are someone that believes finding a life that makes your heart sing is a great idea 'for the other guy' stop and ask yourself what is keeping me from believing I deserve to Live and Work Happier?  Is it fear, old negative messages, not thinking outside of the box, or just a non-belief?  First step in being Happier, is unhooking the messages that are telling you it isn't possible.

Why Career Assessments Alone Don't Work.

When people think about career counseling inevitably they think about assessments.  There are hundreds of assessments out there promising to tell you your perfect career. Career counselors advertise them, website promise them--just take the perfect assessment and you will find the perfect career.  But career counseling is so much more than taking an assessment. Don't get me wrong--I think assessments are a good tool. Something that can aid in the finding of the work that makes your heart sing.  But definitely not the answer.   I have a policy in my office, if you agree to take an assessment then you have to promise to have an open mind, do some homework and see it as the beginning of the journey rather then the end.

Assessments promise an answer from something outside of ourselves.  I believe the answer to the "what do I want to do with my life?" comes from within.  As a client of mine said last week, "If I can just get out of my own way, it will show up".  So true!!!  Assessments, promise an easier answer, all we have to do is answer a few multiple choice questions and then abracadabra our dream job will appear.  Assessments don't take into account, how we feel, what makes our heart sing, or what gets us really jazzed. They also don't take into account our current lifestyle, education or fears. They take a snapshot of our world and get somethings right and somethings wrong.  The trick is being able to take what's helpful and run with it while simultaneously throwing away the rest.  Too often, we get stuck on the what was wrong in the assessment and throw it all away before we use it for what it's worth.

I have been to career counselors in my past who promise me the answer. First appointment, they gave me an assessment, second appointment they gave me the results and the third appointment they tried to convince me how the assessment had it right even though I had some serious issues with it.  I remember leaving session one excited, "there was a ANSWER out there" I could pay this person for their time and assessment and get my perfect career.  But by the end of the third session I was disappointed and confused.  For example the assessment told me I shouldn't work with people.  Well, yes I am an introvert (according to different assessment) but that doesn't mean I shouldn't work with people.  But this coach spent much of the third session proving to me that because the assessment said so--it WAS so.  The one thing I knew I wanted to do was to work with people what I didn't know was how.  So not only had this assessment pigeon holed me into a certain career it was against what my heart was telling me.  In reality, I love working with people, and I also need time when I am not working with people.  I need to balance my love of helping people with my love of writing, reading and being alone.

That is my problem with assessments, they are a tool meant to be used to expand our options, not force us into a career.  Too often assessments limit our thinking, and limit our options.  When thinking about careers and working happier we need to be thinking about possibilities not limits.  Assessments when used at the right time, with the right client and in conjunction with insightful homework and conversation can be a wonderful tool.  Assessments alone, don't work.  We need to be thinking about what makes your heart sing, what goals you want to reach and how to face the negative self talk and fear mongers that get in they way!!!

Wondering Wednesday: What do you need to let go of?

It is Wednesday again and time for us to take a moment to have some curiosity and wonderment about our lives.  I admit today's question is a bit personal and one I need to be more curious about in my own life.  As a self-confessed control freak letting go is something I am continually working towards.  But every now and then the universe will laugh and let me know that ultimately I am not in control and I do need to let go and get out of my own way.

There are so many things we cannot control, illness, weather, expectations, other people, and just the random stuff that happens in our life.  Occasionally when my grip has tightened so much on every little thing in my life I like to ask myself: what right now do I need to let go of?  Maybe it is worrying about the future or beating myself up for gaining weight or not accepting the failing health of a loved one.  It is helpful in the quest to live happier to recognize from time to time we just need to let go.

When we try to hold on so tight to old ideas, emotions or memories we don't have the space or the energy to make new positive changes in our lives.  When we let go of control it makes room for other more positive ideas, actions or thoughts to come forward.   In letting go of how much you hate your job you can start allowing room for new thoughts about what you might want to do next, or what you might be able to do to make the job a little better.  In letting go we can build acceptance around news that is out of our control.  In letting go we can just have room to breathe and pause and remember we don't have to be 'on it' 'in control' or 'all knowing' we can be unsure, scared, tired and sad.

For me when I am holding on too tight and unwilling to let go, it is usually a sign that there is some emotion, buried deep down that I don't want to admit or deal with.  But I  swear, in that space where we surrender, where we admit our powerlessness and express whatever regret, sadness or fear we are feeling there is a peaceful calm that embraces me.  I remember that I don't have to be super woman, I am me doing the best I can with what I have control freak and all.

And as a reminder to me and all of you of the beauty of letting go I am going to end with the Serenity prayer;

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference

What do you need to let go of?  Feel free to share in the comments section--I'll go first.

Wondering Wednesday: What are your Values?

In keeping with my resolution theme, that we need to be reflecting throughout the year and not just on January 1st; I  decided to implement a new feature on my blog entitled Wondering Wednesday.  This will be a chance for all of us to look at our lives differently and approach them with wonder and curiosity.  So each Wednesday I will ask a question, present a challenge or just discuss a topic that might make you go "hmm" as you reflect on your own life.

For the inaugural Wondering Wednesday I am going to ask one of my favorite questions.  What are your values?  (did that make you go 'hmm'?)  It is my belief that our values are the core to our lives.  When we can name the top five things we value we will know what 'fits' and what doesn't 'fit' into our lives.

The analogy I love for values is to think about a young baby tree.  Young trees when they are first planted have a tendency to get blown down by the first strong wind.  To keep them strong and healthy sometimes they need to be helped up with wires and posts.  Eventually after they had developed a root system the trees were able to sway in the wind and not get blown down. Similar to the baby trees, if you aren’t living your life with a strong root system (value system) you have nothing guiding you, nothing holding you up and you are more likely to collapse under pressure. You have to rely on outside support, (e.g. alcohol, food, coffee) to build you up and keep you going. When you have a strong value system, you can sway with the pressures of life and not get beaten down.   Because you are able to continually come back to your center - your values, you are better able to make choices that help you live and work happier.

Pretend someone can silently observe your life from the outside. What would they see? Would they be able to tell what you valued most by looking at how you spend your time and with whom you spend it? If you are living your life from your values, then the decisions you make and the commitments you engage in will support one of your Top 5 values. Let's say you value family and that is in your Top 5 values. Then you will make decisions that allow you to support/spend more time with your family. You won’t want a job where you have to travel constantly or work late hours so you can’t tuck your children into bed each night.

The disconnect comes when you value something, but you aren't making choices around it. For example, you value family but you are working all the time so you miss important family events. Or you value creativity but you never give yourself time to engage in artistic activities.

If you value social change, you will make every day choices that inspire social change, through the clothes you wear, the websites you go to, and the products you use, etc.  You will want a job that encourages social change and works toward social change. At the very least, the company you work for includes social change in their core philosophy.

If you value creativity, then you probably engage in activities that feed your artistic side whether that be drawing, painting, idea developing or writing.

Sometimes our values are not similar and might be in direct conflict with each other. When you have conflicting values it is even more important to look at your life as a whole. For example, maybe you value financial security and creativity so you might be working a variety of jobs to fit your creative outlet and your need for a secure future.Or maybe you work a job that pays well and in your free time you are feeding that creative value. If you have conflicting values you just need to be a little more creative in finding ways to add your values into your life.

When you come up with your one value (or 5) it is easier to focus on what's important in your life.   Therefore, the small every day choices or the big life decisions become easier because you can always go back to the question what do I value? When you are living from your values--you can live happier and work happier.

Need some help thinking of values?  Click here.

After you've selected your values--feel free to share them in the comment section--I'll go first.

Reflection and Resolutions: Not Just for January 1

Happy New Year!  Welcome to 2011--I hope you had a fabulous holiday.  I enjoyed lots of time with friends and family and in all honesty, it went too fast.  I admit I am kicking and screaming into the year 2011 and the end of vacation.  Mostly because I enjoyed the sheer freedom of no responsibility.  I admit for most of December if anything occurred that wasn't pressing I  told myself "I'll deal with it after the holidays" so here we are "after the holidays" and my to-do list is a mile long.  But my whining is not the inspiration you are looking for from my first post of 2011.  And I will confess I am not going to write another 'how to keep your resolutions' post because frankly the blog world is inundated with them.

I strongly dislike new year's resolutions.  I agree that January 1 is a great time to take stock, reflect on the past year and plan for what lies ahead in the coming year.  The issue I have with new year's resolutions and reflecting is that in my opinion we should be reflecting all year long.  The 'check-in' of "Am I Living and Working Happier?", should be happening at multiple times throughout the year.  We should be looking at our values and seeing if they fit our current life each and every month of our lives.  And if we aren't in sync with ourselves than we should make some new resolutions-small realistic ways to implement new ideas and real change.  The danger comes in when we reflect on our lives once a year.  By the time the year roles around the changes we want to/need to make are so monumental we make blanket statements of "I want to lose 30 lbs, find a job I love and meet the partner of my dreams".  The changes become too big and too impossible to attain.

Too often we live the bulk of our  lives as I lived the month of December "I'll deal with that after ____________ (e.g. the kids grow up, I retire, I earn more money, the holidays,vacation or when I feel more rested).  The excuses can go on and on and when we are only reflecting on our lives once a year it is no wonder resolutions are so hard to maintain!  We don't have any real by-in because we are only making changes because we were TOLD to reflect--not because we are living a conscious intentional life that matches our values and dreams.

So this year, if you did make a resolution, congrats make the small necessary changes to implement them.  And then continue to check in throughout the year, to see are you living and working happier?  What small changes do I need to implement to make my life happier?  The only way to live and work happier is to be intentional about our lives, to continually check in and see if our lives match our values and dreams and if we find discrepancies to begin to face our fears and make some changes, one small resolution at a time.

Here's wishing you a happy and blessed 2011, filled with laughter, joy and passion!!

Thanks to Mykl Roventine for the wonderful 2011 picture.

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Is you answer to the question Am I living and working happier?  No, need some help figuring out what the small changes need to be.  I can help!  Send me an e-mail or schedule an appointment on-line and together we can start the process of living and working happier!!