The Live Happier Holiday Card

Today is my last post of the year.  Please check out my holiday video card below!

Wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday Season!!  See you in 2013!

Peaceful Solstice

Friday of this week marks the longest day of the year, winter solstice.  I have always been drawn to this day.  A day of darkness.  A day of reflection.  It is also a day of hope.  It is the longest day of the year, which means, it will only get lighter after this day.  Things will only get more bright and more illuminated.

But this week we are hunkering down, many of us begin and end our days in the dark. As you know, I am a huge believer in rituals and the winter solstice provides a great time to create new or engage in old rituals.  This Friday I encourage you to take some time to pause, to reflect on your life.  Take some time to gather in those whom you love and whom love you and celebrate the darkness. Share a meal, light a fire, and engage in soulful quiet conversation.  Share your fears, your dreams your 'wish list' and feel the love, and hope of the season.  

From the dark comes the light.   Embrace it.  Because, it is in our darkest times that we gain the wisdom, empathy, strength and conviction for the brighter times. Wishing you and yours a peaceful solstice.

"So the shortest day came, and the year died,
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive,
And when the new year's sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, reveling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us - Listen!!
All the long echoes sing the same delight,
This shortest day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, fest, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome Yule!!"
-Susan Cooper, The Shortest Day 

Dear Santa: Creating YOUR Wish List.

Last year, at the end of December I wrote a post about the magic of visiting Santa and Creating our Wish Lists.  Here is an excerpt from that post:

I remember it like it was yesterday, entering Santa Land at the Downtown Lazarus store in Columbus.  It was a HUGE deal to go to the 'big city' and enter the fancy department store only to be transported to magical Santa Land.  I remember waiting patiently (although I probably wasn't very patient) and finally having my turn on Santa's lap.  After much deliberation and pondering I hopped up on Santa's lap and told him my wish list, smiled for the camera and assured him I had been good.  And then just like that it was over.  I remember feeling so at peace, so joyful that everything was going to be fine, I would get my gift of choice because I had talked with the 'big man' himself. 

It always is interesting to ask people about their Santa Stories...inevitably they will be transported back in time and will describe in full detail a Santa Experience that is near and dear to their hearts.  As I was thinking today about my own Santa Story--I was thinking about my wish list.  The amount of time and care I spent on that list, thinking about what I wanted, perusing through catalogs and generally just taking time for myself to figure out what would be the best gift.  How rarely we do that today, I seldom think about what I want for Christmas.  Much by my design, gift giving has become more the norm in my world.  But when you think about the concept of a magical wish list, offering that up to someone who seems larger than life and believing that he will produce it...it is a little freeing, a little magical, a little fun.

From that post,  I came up with the idea of creating our own Wish List.  If you could ask Santa for anything what would it be??  If there truly was a magical being who could grant your wishes what would you ask for?

 I love this activity because

1. It really allows us to DREAM. 
2. It allows us to get crystal clear on what is most important in our lives.
3. It helps us set intentions/resolutions for next year. 

The assignment is:  

• Make a Wish List
• List all the things you want for your life from the practical, (a new stove) to the ridiculous (a trip around the world) and everything in between.  Get creative. 
• Think about changes you would want in your life, additions you would make, and things you could do without.  
• Your list can have 2 items or 200...it doesn't matter.  
• THEN pick your top 3-5 wishes. 

The Assignment is Due:

• January 3rd 
• At that time I will let you know what we are going to do with these wishes.

Good Luck!!  Feel free to share your wishes in the comments!!

Photo Credit: Geishaboy via Flickr

Live Happier QA: Losing a Job Over the Holidays

Today's Live Happier QA is from Melissa and she asks;

"I just lost my job. Can I do a job search over the holidays? How do I handle this? "

Losing a job is hard any time of the year, but especially over the holidays.

Check out the tips I have for Melissa below. And for more information on the topic, check out the link to the news segment I mention in the QA video.

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.


Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

The Questions that Matter.

Last week I found the video above. It is an interview with Maurice Sendak best known for the Children's book "Where the Wild Things Are". I can't seem to get the clip out of my head, I posted it on my facebook page, I shared it in my weekly newsletter and here again I am writing about it.

The question he was asked was "Why Bother to Get Born?" His answer is thoughtful and inspiring, it brings tears every time I watch it.  It is kind of like the "It's A Wonderful Life" question.

I have been thinking of that question since I watched the clip.

• What would you have missed if you weren't born?
• What would others have missed?
• Whose life do you affect? 
• Whose life affects you?
• How do you change the world in your own little way?
• What gifts do you give from making your kids lunches to making a stranger smile?
• What do you do so naturally you don't even notice it?
• What makes your life so sweet and wonderful?
• What brings a smile to your face?

If you haven't already, take some time and watch the video, cry, smile, laugh and reflect on you.

Because the answers to those questions is really all that matters.

One Simple Phrase: I Have to. vs I Get to.

The past few weeks have been hectic over here in Live Happier world--as I am sure they are hectic in your world too.  And yes, I confess, my addiction to busyness has kicked in.  My first warning sign, I know for me is that life tends to become a series of to-dos and victories come when I successfully check everything off the list.  But over the weekend after relaxing with my nearest and dearest and taking in a fabulous festive dinner and a local play I realized, I had got stuck in busyness again.  I said to myself, THIS is life, not when you get to a certain point but THIS right now THIS moment THIS. I was so caught up in 'doing the list' I was missing my life. (which is a true live happier moment, the lesson comes not in the mastery but in the recognition of the need to make a change)

I decided to focus more on life tasks as a 'get to' rather then a 'have to'.  So for example:

Ugh, I have to get up out of my warm bed and start the day.

vs.

I get to get out of bed and start my day, I feel healthy, I enjoy my mornings and I get to have one more day on this planet.

Yuck, I have to workout.

vs.

I get to move my body and I feel so much better when I do.

Yet again, I have to make lunch for my nearest and dearest and I.

vs.

I get to make lunch for us.  How lucky am I to share a meal with my man every day.

I have to take the kids to school.

vs.

I get to pick the kids up and hear about their day.

Now I admit it some tasks take a little more effort to switch from a have to I get to. Tasks such as 'I have to go to the grocery story' but even as I did my weekly trek through the aisles this week I thought to myself "I get to take my time, I get to buy the food I enjoy, I get to cook fun meals". Did it make that dreaded task amazing--no but it did make a "must do" task more enjoyable and that is 99% of the battle.

The trick is catch yourself when you are saying to your self "ugh, I have to____" and simply fill it in with "i get to ____"

This change is magical for 3 real reasons

1. It gives you more control. Rather than being at the whim of your life and schedule you are actively participating in your life.   When you say you "get to" then it is a reminder that you are CHOOSING these activities. You GET to do them.

2. For those of us who tend to lean toward the negative, it pulls you out of your natural tendency to go negative (which especially for me kicks in as I get more tired and stressed). Sometimes I will catch myself saying "Ugh I have to" to something I really enjoy! (FYI, that is when I know I am trouble).

3. It immediately changes your posture, energy and mood. You begin to see your life differently. You see your life as full of blessings rather than all these burdens.

So this week, try it.  As you notice the  "I have to's" creeping up silently switch it to "I get to"and the simply name 1-3 reasons why you are so lucky that you get to do the activity.  It will change your life.

Here's to Living Happier.

Photo Credit: www.behappy.me

Live Happier QA: I lost my dreams, how do I find them again?

Today's Live Happier QA is from Stephanie and she asks;

"I hear you talk a lot about dreams and desires.  I honestly can't find any. Is that normal? "

Frequently (especially with women) we are so busy caring for other peoples, our own dreams and desires get placed on hold.  I believe the best thing we can do for our children is teach them to go after their dreams.  So if we aren't modeling that behavior we are doing them a disservice in Living Happier.

Check a few easy ways to reconnect with yourself and what you want out of your life.

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.


Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Live Happier Moments

Last week, I had an Open House for the So, What Comes Next Course.  One of the 'challenges' I presented to the participants was to share a Live Happier Moment so I could make a photo collage of them.  If you are a regular reader you know back in October we had the Live Happier Daily Challenge and I thought now that we are heading in the midst of the holidays it is an important time to be reminded of Living Happier Moments.

This time of year it is easy to get caught up the holiday hullabaloo: finding the perfect gift, endless lines, decorating, family drama and the never ending to-do lists.  It is easy to forget the actual point of the holidays: love, generosity, peace and joy.

As much as we are surrounded by stress and to do lists this time of year...we are also surrounded by joy, peace and happiness...we just have to NOTICE it.

So I am challenging you to notice your Live Happier Moments and share them in the comments section below OR on my Facebook page.   These moments can be small and simple or large and complex.

Watch the slide show above to get inspired or check out my list below from this morning:

• Knowing as soon as I sit down at my computer...my cat will be soon to follow to take her dutiful spot between the keyboard and the screen.
• Looking out my window and seeing nature, squirrels dashing about not giving a care about holidays or gifts or drama.
• Getting holiday cards in the mail.
• Waking up to a quiet house and having my familiar morning rituals. (coffee, dog loving, cat loving, paper reading and quiet time)
• Finding Depak Chopra's 21 day meditation program (a little late) but starting it this morning and having it radically alter my day. (I highly recommend it)
• Talking to my mom who helps keep me sane. 

What about you what are some Live Happier Moments you have had over the past few days?  In the midst of the holiday craziness what have you noticed, enjoyed, paused for, or smiled about?

A BIG shout out to everyone who attended the So, What Comes Next Open house and those who participated in the Live Happier Moments Slide Show--Thank you for all your love and support!

A Live Happier Red Flag: I SHOULD be Happy....

One of the biggest red flags to me is when someone says, I should be happy....

It is one of the statements I hear most often in my work:

"I should be happy....

...I have a good paying job"
...I have decent benefits"
...I just had a baby"
...I have a great husband"
...I live in my dream home"

When we say the phrase, "I SHOULD be happy" is usually means 1 of 2 things.

First Option:
You are convincing yourself that you SHOULD be happy based on someone else's definition of happiness.  The fact that someone else told you this is the perfect job or benefits are key to all of life or what a dream home is suppose to look like. So you in an effort to live up to someone else's standard of what happiness is are convincing yourself that you are really happy with that aspect of your life.  In this option, when we say, "I should be happy" we are attempting to convince ourselves of something that isn't true for us.  So it is important to do a real sincere gut check when we hear that phrase and ask ourselves:

• According to what standards should I be happy?  
• Am I living life by my standards and values or someone else's?  
• Are there changes I need to make to live more inline with what I intend for my life?

Second Option:
You are living in the messy; you are holding two very different truths and it is really uncomfortable.

• You have a good paying job AND it isn't really what you want to do.  
• You have decent benefits AND you are starting to wonder if it is worth the sacrifice for good benefits.  
• You just had a baby that you love and adore AND it is hard being a new parent.  
• Your husband is fantastic AND sometimes it is hard to live with another person.  
• You have your dream house AND it has a lot of work to do. 

One of the many mysteries of life that I am most struck by is the eternal blend of positive and negative.  The idea that life will forever be messy, no matter how much we strive to have it tied up in a neat little bow, there will always be tragedy and joy intermixed together.  Getting comfortable with these two ends of the continuum and bringing them closer together is a life long process.

When we are saying, "I should be happy" in an effort to convince ourselves to suck it up, forget the challenges and just look at the positive, we can run ourselves ragged.  It is important to embrace the mess. To give ourselves a break and to perpetually balance between giving thanks and recognizing that sometimes even if we WANT something with all our hearts it is still challenging.

 We can love and appreciate something or someone AND be challenged by them too. When we start 'shoulding' on ourselves as a way to forgo the negative feelings we will not only miss the negative feelings but the positive ones too.  It may sound counterintuitive but by relaxing into the mess we get to the joy much faster.  Relax into the mess:  take 3 deep breathes, talk to a friend, admit you are struggling and participate in activities you love.  By being honest with what is really going on you will be better able to fully engage your life, and embrace the mess of it all.

So the next time you start saying "I should be happy" stop and ask yourself--what is really going on here?  Am I living by someone else's standards and/or am I avoiding the messiness of life?

Live Happier QA: Dealing with Grief over the Holidays

Today's Live Happier QA is from Vicki and she asks;

"Nancy, here we are in the midst of the holidays and I am not feeling very holly jolly, my mom died earlier this year and I am having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit.  Any suggestions?"

Grief and the holidays can be extremely challenging.  Check out some helpful hints I have for dealing with your own grief over the holidays.  Check out my answer below. Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

 

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling (or have you struggled in the past) with your own grief and the holidays--what do/did you find helpful?

Feel free to leave add a comment below.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.

Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

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It's tonight!! For those in the Central Ohio area: Tonight is the So, What Comes Next Open House to celebrate the launch of my Course So, What Comes Next?

Please, stop by for cocktails, light appetizers and casual conversation. Plus enter a raffle to win copies of the course.  Oh and there will be cake!

The Open House is from 7-9pm at  Colin's Coffee: 3714 Riverside Drive, Columbus Ohio 43221 

Click here for more information.

Living Happier through Holiday Parties

It is that time of year for holiday parties and gatherings.  Whether with friends, families or co-workers it is easy to get overwhelmed with the holiday parties and events.  Sometimes these joyous  holidays parties can be met with stress and anxiety.

Here are some of my tips for Living Happier through Holiday Parties.

1. Do you really want to go?  Before you RSVP yes, or agree to an event, check in with yourself.  Do really want to go?  You don't have to say yes to every invite that comes along.  You have the right to graciously decline an invite and stay home, watch movies and eat popcorn if that is how you would rather spend your energy. When you are intentional about saying yes, you are able to spend the holidays the way YOU want to, you have more energy to devote to the events you really want to go, and you eliminate the dread and negativity that sometimes occurs during the holidays.


2. Have a plan.  I find it is helpful to have a plan of attack for a gathering.  The more I can answer before better: Who am I going with? Who will be there? What time should we arrive? How long are we planning on staying?  If you are going to the party with someone in particular a date, your spouse, or a friend, it is helpful to set up expectations for how you are going to 'party together'.  Are you going to be together the whole night? Should you do regular check-ins?  Is there signal for 'I am stuck come save me'? Answering these questions before the party helps alleviate some of the unknowns that parties inevitably bring.  


3. Answering the inevitable 'So, what do you do?' question.  If you are between jobs or in less than an ideal job this question can strike fear in your heart. I have found 2 helpful approaches to this question.  

• Option 1:  Answering the question with as minimal detail as possible and then turning it back on your conversation partner.   

• Option 2:  Spice it up and rather then getting stuck in talking about a job you don't like, talk about what you really hope to be doing someday or a current passion that isn't job related. Examples: "Well, right now I am doing_______ but what I am hoping to get into is _________ or my dream job would be ____________".  or "I am working at ____ but what I have found I love doing_____ so I am spending a lot of my free time doing that".  It might feel risky, but any time you can move the conversation off of the same old same old topics it will be more exciting for you and you fellow partiers.

Those are a few of my tips--I hope they help make your upcoming parties more manageable. 

What about you?  How do you feel about the holiday parties?  Do you have any tips? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!!

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Speaking of parties!! Just a quick reminder for those in the Central Ohio area: Tomorrow is an Open House to celebrate the launch of my Course So, What Comes Next? 

Please, stop by for cocktails, light appetizers and casual conversation. Plus enter a raffle to win copies of the course.  Oh and there will be cake!  

The Open House is from 7-9pm at  Colin's Coffee: 3714 Riverside Drive, Columbus Ohio 43221  Click here for more information.

Show Up. Notice. Appreciate.

The little things:

• The sympathetic smile at a mom as she tries to deal with her child's melt down at the grocery store.
• Reaching out to an old friend just to say hi and I am thinking of you.
• Emailing someone who has inspired you to say thanks
• Recognizing that even though it is your spouses 'turn' to cook dinner, you could help him out by getting things started.
• Putting a note in your child's lunch box.
• Having your wife's favorite drink poured and ready for her when she walks in the door.
• Paying for the coffee for the person behind you.

These are all small, little, seemingly insignificant acts.  I have realized 2 things about little things.

1. They are often more powerful then huge grand gestures.
2. We don't do them enough.

Last week I received a simple 2-line email from a reader who just said thank you.  That's it. Simple and sweet.  That simple email made me smile for days. With that simple gesture, I felt seen and I felt appreciated.  Isn't that what most of us are looking for...to be seen, to be appreciated?  

So I started thinking about #2 above--why don't we engage in these small activities more?  I think for some of us, we are just too busy, too frazzled, too stressed to even think of the small way we can show up for people.  AND I think the times that we might come up with a clever, fun, 'little' idea, we talk ourselves out of it by saying  "I don't want to bother them" or "what will they think". (Admittedly something I am guilty of)  

And to that I say WHAT?!?!?  We don't want to bother someone by noticing them and appreciating them?!?!  We are afraid someone might be 'put off' by appreciating them. 

So I present a challenge to us for this holiday season.

First off:Show Up. Be present to yourself and to those around you. 

Secondly: Notice.  Notice those you love, notice people around you, notice the stranger who is struggling or the friend who is succeeding 

Finally: Reach Out.  

We don't need to do something grand or magnificent to help people feel seen and appreciated.  Do something little, something caring, something unexpected.  Just do something. 

Three simple steps.  Show Up. Notice. Appreciate.

I would absolutely love to hear YOUR theories on why we don't engage in the little things more often.  Feel free to share in the comments below. 

***********************

Thanks to those who participated in the Name Your Dream Contest:  I decided to aware a movie to all the participants!  Congratulations Beth, Stacey and Sondra! Here's to Naming our Dreams!!

The Attitude of Gratitude All Year Long

For those of us living in the United States, this week we will sit down and celebrate a holiday devoted to Thanksgiving. We will be reminded of the importance of gratitude and many of us will engage in the ritual of gathering around the table to share what we are most grateful for.

Gratitude is clearly the theme if this week and I, not surprisingly have been thinking a lot about gratitude.  To me, gratitude is more than just saying Thank you or being appreciative of the big things in life.  Gratitude is a way of being.  It is a way of approaching the world from possibility rather than from negativity.

Gratitude means:

• Saying thanks to someone as they hold the door for you when you are running late.
• Hugging a friend who has gone the extra mile for you.
• Reminding yourself that even though your partner didn't load the dishwasher the way you would they did load the dish washer
• Noticing a blue sky out the window in the midst of a long meeting
• Appreciating your mom helping you when you need it, even though she kinda drives you crazy.
• Recognizing even though it is cold, rainy and miserable outside but the coffee shop is serving your favorite coffee.
• Watching your partner play with the kids while you cook dinner.
• Giving your child a high five as when he gets his answer right on his homework.

I believe gratitude is a choice.  Quite honestly, sometimes the last choice we want to make.  For some people it is the default to be annoyed, unhappy and miserable.  Because it is the default mode it feels 'easier' to criticize your partner rather then approach them with love and compassionate.  I would argue the word 'easier', because viewing the world with negativity is anything but easy.  But because it is our default response it does require more effort to remind ourselves to be grateful when it isn't obvious

Gratitude isn't just about saying thank you. Gratitude is a lifestyle choice.

My challenge to you is to continue the tradition of naming what you are grateful for AFTER the holidays to move the attitude of gratitude into your daily life. And when I say challenge, I mean challenge because it is hard. AND as someone who practices gratitude daily I know it can be life changing.  I know appreciating the little things; loving those we are with no matter what and enjoying the small perks in the day make all the difference.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful gratitude filled week/month/year!

Happy Thanksgiving!

An Addiction to Busyness

I love the quote above.  I believe to the core of my being that it is true.  And I know that sometimes just 'being' is the last thing I want to do.

I confess, I am a busyness addict.  I know that when I get stressed, overwhelmed, or tired, I move quickly into run, run, run mode.  Run, Run Run mode means you don't have to think, feel, engage or be, you just run. Run to the next item on your to-do list, run to the next event, run to the next 'thing' doesn't really matter what it is you are running towards as long as you are running.

I would also confess I am a busyness addict in recovery...meaning I am aware that I have this problem and I TRY to put rituals into place to catch myself.  But occasionally, the pull of busyness is just too great and I have fall off the recovery wagon into the temptation of busyness.

Here are some signs you might be a busyness addict:

• Your emotional reaction to life is not congruent with the events of your life.  For example, you are going through something painful, sad, or even joyous and happy yet your affect is pretty much flat-lined.  You aren't "feeling" anything.
• You become obsessed with checking things off the to-do list often telling yourself 'once I get everything done THEN I can relax'. Here's a shocking fact--you won't ever get everything off the to do list!! (This one has become my number one sign!)
• You are ALWAYS multi-tasking; if you are watching TV you are on the computer, if you are talking on the phone you are making dinner.  You can't stand to do one thing and just engage with that activity.
• You are obsessed with checking your phone, email, facebook whatever you constantly have to be checking in with the outside world.

The number one thing all of these traits have in common: They pull us away from ourselves.  They pull us into busy.  And when we are in busy mode we don't have to FEEL anything--which sadly is the goal.  The price that we pay for not feeling is that we can't really engage with our life.  We can't really show up, be present, be grateful and be intentional about life.  Basically, we can't Live Happier.  We will always be chasing the proverbial carrot and never succeeding.  It is like the laser light that I use to entertain my cat, she chases and chases and never actually physically catches anything.

So what can you do to get on the Busyness Wagon.

1. Recognize your 'busyness' signs. What activity(ies) do you engage when you get overwhelmed?
2. Put in natural check-in points throughout the day/week, 3 deep breaths at a stop light, 5 minutes of downtime in the morning, body scans throughout the day.  (Just a heads up, when you are in busyness mode the absolute LAST thing you will want to do is stop busyness mode--so I have found it best to add rituals throughout the day that force me to stop)
3. Ask friends and family to help you stay accountable.  Ask them to share when they feel you have entered busyness mode.
4. Remember this is a PROCESS.  I have come very far in my recovery, and I still fall off the wagon.  Each time the fall is shorter and shorter and my recovery period gets longer and longer.

I KNOW as someone who is in recovery--Life is so much better when I am not in my addiction, I am happier, more engaged, more peaceful and more present.  Life is technical color and bright.

What about you?  Can you relate to the busyness addiction?  What are your signs?  What have you found that helps? I would LOVE to hear from you.

Live Happier QA: How can I enjoy the Holidays?

Today's Live Happier QA is from Samantha and she asks;

"Nancy, my question has to do with the holidays. I am already overwhelmed with life.  How can I get through this season easier and actually enjoy it?!?!"

As we approach thanksgiving, we are already feeling the push of the holidays!!  Living Happier through the holidays IS possible. Check out my answer below.

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.



Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.

Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?


Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Announcing: The Name Your Dream Contest

Last week I watched the movie, I'm Fine Thanks.  It is a documentary, following a guy who has done everything he 'should' do in his life and is now on the quest to live a life he 'wants' to be living rather than 'should be' living.  He goes on the quest to interview people who are asking this same question of 'is this all there is?' and directs his first movie in the process (his own personal dream).

I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend the movie.  In fact, I love the movie SO much, I am going to give away 2 downloadable copies of it.

To enter, simply comment below on something you have always dreamed about doing! It can be anything from surfing to writing a work of fiction. Just name one dream below.

I know I am asking a BIG risk here, potentially a HUGE, GINORMOUS risk.  But saying your dream out loud is the very, very first step in actually achieving it.  For the most part, we are living in a society that discourages us from naming our dreams.  We are shamed into playing it safe, staying small and taking minimal risk.  The thing is there is no dream too small or too big as long as it is YOUR dream.  Dream big or dream small, just dream.  And say it out loud, say it to your cat, say it to strangers, say it to your partner.  Just start saying it and then start acting on it, baby step by baby step.

But first, say it below in the comments section and you will be entered to win a downloadable copy of the movie!!  Contest Expires: Wednesday, November 21st at noon EST. 2 winners will be chosen at random.

It doesn't have to be a life changing dream, it could just be the dream of learning to play the guitar or traveling to Yellowstone National Park. When we stop dreaming, we stop living so let's keep the dreams alive.

You can watch a preview of the movie here:

 And remember to enter the contest to win a copy of the movie simply, comment below and share what you have always dreamed about doing. Contest Expires: Wednesday, November 21st at noon EST.

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Need some help in figuring out your dreams, getting dream clarity or just figuring out What Comes Next? in your life...check out my new e-course:  So, What Comes Next.

Live Happier Q&A: So, What Comes Next? (The Short Answer)

Today's Live Happier QA is from Lydia and she asks;

"Hey Nancy, I know you are coming out with a new course called So, What Comes Next but I was hoping you could give us a quick answer to the question?"

Figuring out what comes next is a place a lot of us get stuck--check out my quick answer here.

Do you have anything you would add?  Are you struggling to figure out what comes next as well?  Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.


For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier QA page here.

AND to get a lot more information on the So, What Comes Next Course--go here.


Do you have a question about Living Happier?   Have a question you are curious about?

Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

So, What Comes Next in YOUR Life?

So, What Comes Next?

Finding the answer to that question, is the number one reason my clients come to see me.

They might not use those exact words but it is some form of that question:

• Do I stay in this relationship or move on?
• Is this job really as good as it gets?
• I have a good job, a decent house a loving family and I am still not happy--what's that about?
• I just feel like I am missing something...
• I have lived my whole life for everyone else--now it is my turn--how do I figure out what I WANT for my life? 

Whether they are looking for help with their career, their relationship or just figuring out how to get unstuck in life they are wondering --what do I do next?

That question occurs when we hit a place in our life where we are stuck, unsure, or just plain lost as to how to move forward.  I have been there, I know how miserable and lonely that place can be.

I have taken my personal experience and my professional knowledge and combined it into a step by step course for you.  This course will help you ease the pain, get back in touch with what YOU want for your life and strategies on how to move towards a life you love.

You only get one life--this is it!  Figuring out what comes next is possible.  It is possible to have a life you are fully engaged in and passionate about--I know it! I live it.

Here's to living the life of your dreams!

Here's to figuring out What Comes Next for you!!

Here's to Living Happier!!!

Check it out!  Get all the information on the So, What Comes Next Course here

Feeling the Fear and Doing it Anyway

I have a love hate relationship with quotes. I love quotes and I post a lot of quotes on my Facebook page because in an instant you can be inspired and say hell yeah I am going to do that. I hate quotes (or dislike them hate is such a strong word) because quotes while being inspirational make it look a lot easier then it is.  They make you say hell yeah they inspire you for an instant and then you go back to life as normal.

Take the quote:

“Life Begins at the End Of your Comfort Zone"--Anoymous

Hell yeah, that is very true but do you know how hard it is to go past your comfort zone? To really go after your dreams?  What a lot of these quotes miss is the reality of it all...it is hard, and scary AND when you get there it is amazing!!

I would not be here if I didn't practice what I preach. Today I am pulling back the curtain for a bit.  Over the past few months, I have conquered a huge dream of mine.  I wrote a book and designed a course that encapsulates my philosophy on figuring out what comes next in your life and how to go after it.

This process is 5 years in the making. No, I haven't been writing the course for 5 years I have been THINKING about writing this course for 5 years. Honestly, I have been listening to my Fear Mongers and letting them keep me stuck.  And then this summer I finally stopped letting my mongers control me. The pain of not going after the dream was greater then the fear of going after the dream and potentially failing.

So this past weekend, as I finished up my course, I realized it is far easier to start a dream then to finish it.  I have many half finished courses that I have started over the past 5 years. But this weekend, I practiced everything I preach. Designing the dream, Facing Fear Mongers and putting one step in front of the other.  I know now more than ever this stuff really works! We can either sit in our couches reading quotes and saying hell yeah! Or we can take the risk, get off the couch and face the fear!  And from experience I can say it is 1,000 times better to risk potential failure then stay safely on your couch.

This quote says is VERY well.

“Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it’s a small price to pay for living a dream.” –  Peter McWilliams

And here it is my dream my course--So, What Comes Next?. It goes on sale tomorrow (Wednesday) and it will help YOU figure out what comes next in your life-- what your dream is and how to go after it.  Here's to being scared and doing it anyway. Here's to Living Happier.

Live Happier Q&A: How do I Choose?

Today's Live Happier Q&A question is from Joan and she asks:   I have plans to go back to school but I was just offered a promotion work, I like my job but I don't LOVE it how do I choose what to do?

Life decisions can be so HARD! See my 3 fold response and my easy method for checking in with your gut.    Check out my answer below.

 Have any thoughts? Anything you would add? Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

 Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

 For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier Q&A page.



Do you have a question about Living Happier?  Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in
general! Have a question you are curious about?

 Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

You as a Child vs. You as an Adult

What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?

Would he/she be:

• proud of you?  
• puzzled by you?
• amazed by you? 
• ashamed by you? 
• surprised by you?

I love this question and frequently ask some form of it to my clients. This question gets to the heart of who are you, what you love and value. Because let's face it who we were as a child, what we loved, valued and played with probably is still true today. Unfortunately for many of us, we have buried that little one. Long forgotten the passions and joy he/she experienced.  We have gotten caught up in being practical, paying bills and doing what we SHOULD do and we have forgotten what we WANT to do.

Yes, life is full of practicalities, bills and schedules and no it can't be all tea parties and toy soldiers.  BUT who we were as children and what we dreamed about is invaluable to helping us Live Happier.  If you are feeling lost.  If you are feeling like you are a zombie.  If you are feeling stuck in someone else's life take a minute to pause today and answer these questions:

• What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?
• As a child, when you dreamed about being an adult...what was your vision for yourself at 20, 30 or 40?
• What did you love to do as a child?
• What did you value, what was most important to you, how did you spend your time?
• How can you add some of those childhood dreams into your life today?

Afraid of the Fall

This past week my nearest and dearest and I went paddle boarding with one of our closest friends in the Outerbanks. I have this weird love/hate relationship with trying new things (especially athletic new things).

So here we are on a beautiful day and I have my wet suit on (putting on the wet suit was enough of a challenge).  And we head out.  I was doing great--on my knees.  And eventually I made it to standing---awesome!  No one had fallen in and all was well.  But to be honest, I was scared.  I was enjoying myself but secretly I was thinking, "ok, when are we going to go back in." My feet hurt and I was nervous about getting back down on to my knees.

Let me set the scene here:  Beautiful, warmish sunny day.  The sound was glorious and flat and I was hanging with 2 of my favorite people.  Yet, I couldn't wait for it to be over. I was frightened by every little wave, every wrong paddle.  The longer we went the more afraid I became.

Finally, after my feet couldn't handle it anymore I decided to try to get back on my knees again--with a lot of tentative attempts--ta da!  I fell in!  Yup, completely in to the freezing cold, take your breath away filled with muck water.  And as I climbed back on the board it was as if everything shifted.  Suddenly the fear was gone.  I practiced getting up and down a few times, knees, standing, knees, standing and then off we went.  I had the best time--laughing, enjoying myself and having fun.  The worst was over--I had made a mistake, I had fallen and I had survived!!

Afterwards my friend said to me "it's too bad you didn't fall in right away so you could have just gotten it over with and had more time to have fun".

So true.  But in reality, had I just jumped in or forced myself to fall in it wouldn't have felt the same.  The reason it was so powerful, so mood altering was that I was TRYING and THEN I fell. I didn't just fall in--I was trying something new, I made a mistake,  I fell in, I survived. Rather than getting wet earlier, I wish I had tried to get down on my knees earlier. I wish I had taken more risks earlier, tested my balance, pushed my limits.

How many times in life are we being so vigilant, so on guard and perfectionistic that we miss the experience--we miss our own freakin' lives because we are so freakin' afraid!!  Afraid it won't last, afraid we will make a mistake, afraid we will be laughed out, afraid, afraid, afraid.

As you look at your own life where are you keeping vigilance, keeping up the facade of perfection, avoiding just TRYING because you might fallen in? Avoiding taking the new job (or even looking for one). Avoiding the tough conversation. Avoiding doing something new or different?

Let's get honest.  How much of life are you missing because you are just afraid of falling?

I am here to tell you---most of the fun comes in the falling.

Here is a pic of me and my nearest and dearest paddle boarding:

Live Happier Q&A: How do I find more balance?

Today's Live Happier Q&A question is from Claire and she asks:  I have 2 kids, a husband and a job I enjoy. Where can I find time to engage in activities I enjoy?

 Wow!  For so many of us our plates are FULL, if not over flowing.

Check out my answer below.  Have any thoughts? Anything you would add? Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

 Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

 For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier Q&A page.



Do you have a question about Living Happier?  Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!

Have a question you are curious about?

 Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Moving on from a Mistake

Mistakes.  We all make them and we all hear and say wonderful (and yes, sometimes pithy) quotes about the power of mistakes, how mistakes help you learn and grow and how without risk there would be no mistakes.

But still, mistakes are hard and navigating the aftermath of a mistake can be challenging. Life is filled with mistakes from a wrong turn to marrying the wrong person. Sometimes there is a lot to learn from a mistake and sometimes mistakes just happen and the biggest thing to learn is that we just make mistakes and we need to let go.

Rather than getting stuck in blame or right vs. wrong. Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself:

Is there anything to learn here? Honestly look at the situation--name the things you learned (positive and negative).  Perhaps it is a failed relationship--what did you learn about the type of people you are compatible with?  What did you learn about communication skills?  What did you learn about commitment?

If I could go back, what would I do differently? or Moving forward what will I do differently? Sometimes it is helpful to look at what you could have done to prevent the situation (you know, hindsight being 20/20 and all) and sometimes it is helpful to recognize the only thing you could have done to prevent it is to not take the risk to begin with.  In either case, it is helpful to think about the future, and what you will do differently to avoid that mistake in the future.

Where was I not being honest with myself?  or Where was I not listening to my gut? or Where was I listening to someone else's opinion over mine (aka a SHOULD) rather then my own voice? This happens a lot in relationships--frequently clients will tell me they KNEW something was wrong before they got married.  It happens a lot in career too, people will say they knew their boss wasn't going to work out or they weren't a good fit for the job but they took it anyway.  It is helpful to know where you weren't being honest so you can avoid that in the future.

What went well?  So often we get caught up in the mistake we forget to acknowledge what went well in the relationship, the job or the risk.  Not everything about a mistake is bad.  In every situation things go well--and it is important to acknowledge those things.

Yep, mistakes happen.  We all make them.  But as the saying goes--it doesn't matter how many mistakes you make it is the lessons you learn from them.  Try. Make a Mistake. Learn. Move Forward.

Can I Make Them Smile?

The other day I was grocery shopping.  Just so you know, I HATE grocery shopping.  Well, hate might be a strong word but I STRONGLY DISLIKE it.  In fact, I strongly dislike any form of errand running.

I admit grocery shopping has become a place for me to exercise my patience.  To recognize that not everyone wants to (or can) move at the speed I am. I confess it is humbling to realize that not everyone is out to 'get me' by moving slowly in the store or having the need to pause and look around. As I said, it is an exercise in patience.

One of the ways I exercise this patience is to play the "Can I make them smile?" game. This game is as simple as it sounds, as I move around the grocery store I try to make eye contact and be as friendly as possible to see how many people I can get to smile with me.  Not to the point of annoyance, but when someone is flipping through coupons and blocking my path to the milk, I try to be as polite as possible, make eye contact and smile. Or when someone obsessing over the perfect soup blocks the aisle I try to be friendly and crack a joke so they will smile.

Because I tend to struggle the most with my patience when I am waiting in the check out line--this tends to be where my smile charm comes on the most.  This particular time the lines were long and by the time I got up to the front of the line, the clerk was visibly tired and worn out.  I flashed her my most empathetic smile, tried to 'chat her up' and basically got nothing.  I admit I was bummed, yes she was probably tired but I was pulling out all the stops and getting nowhere.

As she rang up my long line of items, her boss came up and said to her, you can close your line now.  With visible relief she turned off her light and placed the closed sign at the end of her lane.  I said something about being glad to go home and how she must be relieved and she looked at me and said,  "Yes, I have been working double shifts to keep everything a float and I am just down right exhausted". "Ugh, I bet!" I replied.  "Hope you have some time today to take for yourself--sounds like you earned it."  She then looked at me somewhat startled and finally a small smile crept across her face and she said, "Thank you so much, you just made my day".  As I walked away I was smiling too :) It was a great reminder that we all have a story.  We all need a little lesson in patience, a little empathy and a smile.

Where can you spread a little love today? What tasks cause you to need a lesson in patience?

Live Happier Q&A: I hate my job but I need to support my family?

Today's Live Happier Q&A question is from Megan and she asks:  I really hate my job and would love to change it but I need to support my family?  How can I Live Happier?

Such a common struggle these days.  Check out my answer below.

Have any thoughts? Anything you would add? Feel free to leave add a comment below!!

Watch this episode below or click HERE to watch, if you are reading this via email.

For previous episodes simply go to the Live Happier Q&A page.



Do you have a question about Living Happier?  Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!  Have a question you are curious about?

Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Worrying: The Road to Nowhere

Ah worry.  It takes so many forms.
We spend our precious days, minutes, time worrying about:

• paying the bills
• 'what might happen'
• 'what will they think of me'
• 'what if I fail'
• your kids, your health, your parents, your partner, your job, your weight, your life AHH!  

The list can go on and on and on and on.

But you know what worrying does: absolutely nothing.  Yep, as an experienced worrier I can tell you worrying does nothing, but it makes you FEEL and THINK like you are doing something.  It makes you feel like you are taking action, holding vigilance, being 'on guard'.

Honestly you can worry until, as they say, the cows come home and at the end of the day:

• you could go into debt
• your life could change in an instant
• people might say terrible things about you
• you could fail
• your kids could get sick
• your parents will die (eventually)
• your job could be cut

And worrying will have done nothing.  Basically,you will have wasted a lot of valuable time when you could have been:

• getting financial help, a loan or a part time job
• enjoying your life and the blessings of the day
• trusting that those who love you support you and the rest just don't matter
• failure is a part of life.  Not failing means you haven't really tried anything.
• embracing, loving, and spending time with your kids.  Give them the best of you and love them unconditionally.
• same goes for your parents.  Thank them for bringing you into this world and doing the best they could with what they had as they raised you.
• working as hard as you can and doing the work you love.  

Worrying gives us the illusion of action when worrying just keeps us stuck and unhappy.  Letting go of the habit of worry is an ongoing process.  

First it requires: recognizing the habit.  Noticing when you are stuck in worry.  

Then: being curious about what is really going on?  

Sometimes worry is simply a way of convincing ourselves we are taking action when we aren't.  If this is the case and you are worrying about calling a debt collector to set up a payment plan, then just take real action.  Get support if you need it but then just DO it.  

Sometimes worry is hiding something else. Maybe you catch yourself worrying about your kids' health when in reality you are feeling sad and scared for your friend's child who was just diagnosed with cancer.   Worrying sometimes helps us feel more in control in an out of control world; again because we feel like worrying is helping. But worrying about your kids won't help your friend's child. Acknowledge that and give yourself big hugs around that one.  Feel sad, scared, unsure and insecure for your friend and her family.  Then feel the joy, happiness and relief that your kids are healthy right now. Send a card; make dinners DO something for your friend while embracing, loving and appreciating your family. 

One of the tricks with worry is to find out what's underneath--what is the feeling? And then if you can DO something even if that action is simply to just care for yourself and give yourself some love and support.  Love trumps worry any day. 

Live Happier Daily Challenge--Wrap Up

I want to send a heart felt thank you to everyone who participated in the Live Happier Daily Challenge!  We each experienced some wonderful moments and you can see them here in this short slide show that I did of some of the pics and moments expressed:



 Over the course of this challenge here are some things I have learned and/or enjoyed:

1. Living Happier is about being intentional AND it is also about community.

2. Without the support and love of those around us we CANNOT Live Happier.

3. Even though I pride myself on being intentional around Living Happier, it was still a challenge.
    There were days I had to really THINK about it (especially the days I had a bad head cold).

4.  It was fun to hear how other people had chosen to Live Happier that day.  To see the photos or read
     their thoughts.  It always made me smile.

5.  Living Happier is contagious.

What did you learn from the Live Happier Daily Challenge?  Did it help you Live Happier?  Was it challenging? Will you continue with it?

I have vowed to continue the challenge via Instagram (username NancyJaneSmith) and share my Live Happier photos there (and occasionally on Facebook too!)

Here's to Living Happier each and every day!!

Live Happier Q&A: How do you live Happier through Tragedy?

Today I am kicking off a new feature on my website/blog--I am calling it Live Happier Q&A.

Basically it is a chance for you to ask me questions about Living Happier...Living Happier in relationships, in career or in life in general!  I would love to hear from you and what you might be curious about around this topic.  I am excited to share my thoughts and get your comments!

It is just another great way to have a discussion around one of my favorite topics...Living Happier!!

Watch the first episode below!!

Have a question you are curious about? Please fill out the form below, drop me an e-mail or write a comment below!!

Fill out my online form.

Being a Swan in a Pond of Ducks

The other day I was talking to a friend who got reprimanded at work for talking too much to her co-workers.  This friend has a HUGE heart and admittedly gets caught up in other people's stories to the point that she isn't at her desk as much as she should.  She has a good job, that pays well and has good benefits and (for the most part) she enjoys it.  She has been doing this same job for 20+ years. And if we were TOTALLY honest, although it is a good job it doesn't really 'fit' her.  In fact her skill set is not in organization, working behind a computer and being task oriented, as her job requires. Her skill set is more around listening, caring and sharing people's stories.  But she makes good money has good benefits and for the most part she enjoys her job.

As she was telling me her story she cried out:

"just once I would like to feel like the swan I see in my mind and I want to be surrounded by other swans--but right now I am in a world of ducks" 

Amen Sister!!  That is so true!!

I have watched her as she has gone through her own personal transformation and have seen a similar phenomenon in many of my clients.

The boxes that were once comfortable aren't anymore. Pushing ourselves down to 'fit-in' just doesn't work! It isn't that it's not possible or that we can't do it--it just becomes too freakin' hard.  Once we have seen the light and seen the possibility of swimming with swans we want more of that!!!

I remember when I went through a similar struggle in my own life.  On one hand I was excited to feel so good, inspired, uplifted, excited about life.  And on the other hand I had outgrown some of my friends.  I could no longer keep myself hidden in the box and my fellow box dwellers weren't too happy about that.  It was a double edge sword--on one hand I was totally excited about how I was feeling internally (like a swan) but on the other hand the ducks were giving me a lot of flack for not fitting in. I remember going to my therapist at the time and said, "I am so frustrated and angry at you for showing me the light--now what do I do?" and she smiled and said, "it is so normal to feel this frustration and this is how I know you are on the right path, soon you will find other swans and you won't even remember what it was like to hang with the ducks'. And she was right--today I have many fellow swans in my life. And it is because of them that I can do this work I love.

Just to be clear there is nothing wrong with ducks--there are perfectly wonderful and happy ducks out there.  The point is we need to be supported and loved for who we are and the greatness we provide to the world. 

So here's a thought:  Rather than changing who you are to 'fit in' what if you changed who you were surrounded by?  What if you only allowed those who embraced your greatness into your world--how would it be different?

So what about you?  Do you relate to the swan/duck story? Are you noticing some swan rumblings?  Are you tired of being a swan in a duck world?  There is hope!

Giving Until it Hurts.

I recently saw this pic and it made me go yes!!!  So many of us are people pleasers. We live our lives doing what we think others want or need from us.  As a recovering people pleaser, I will say the question posted above has changed my life. When I started asking that question, it helped me get clear on if I was giving from a pure place or if I was giving solely because I thought I SHOULD.

In that spirit, today I am sharing some common misnomers on the beauty of giving.

Your needs are not LESS important. Whoa. I remember the first time I heard this one--what?!?!  My needs are as important as everyone else's?  "What you talkin' about Willis?" Yep, our needs are as important as everyone else.  And in fact, to put it bluntly, if we don't look out for what it is we need, no one else will.

Sometimes it isn't that we truly believe our needs are less important it is that we believe by swallowing our needs we will avoid confrontation.  Which in the short term MIGHT be true.  But in the long term the damage to our own self worth and the relationship just isn't worth it.  In order to be fully in relationship with someone (including ourselves) we need to show up completely, needs and all.

Giving to the point of resentment isn't really giving.  Next time someone asks you for something ask yourself do I really want to be giving this right now?  If the answer is no, then the answer is no.  Giving from a place of resentment, keeping score, or negativity just doesn't feed anyone.  Giving from a place of pure unadulterated joy and love, now that is feeding the whole world.  There is such a difference in how true giving feels!  When we are resentful, keeping score and ignoring our own messages of "stop this is too much" we aren't living happier.

Your worth is not equal to how much you give. Yikes. This is an easy trap to fall into.  Somewhere  we learned "they will like me more if I give to them more" or "I am only worthy because of what I do".  In essence, we have convince ourselves, they like us ONLY because of how much we give.  Which to put it bluntly is BS.  If someone is only hanging with you because you do everything they ask--do you really want to spend time with that person anyway?  Our true friends are the people who love us regardless of what we DO.  We are valuable, lovable, worthy period--doesn't matter how much we give.

Giving is a wonderful trait. I love showing others how much they mean to me by giving to them.  Attaching giving to the words: should, getting something back, worthiness, have to or keeping score  takes away from such an amazing act of kindness and gratitude.   When you are asked to give, first check in and ask:  "What is my motivation for saying yes?

 *********************************************************************************This is the last week for the Live Happier Daily Challenge.

Go to the Nancy Jane Smith Live Happier Facebook page and post how you are Living Happier today.

Every day you participate you will be automatically entered into the drawing for a FREE copy of my upcoming Live Happier e-course. Ends on midnight, Sunday October 14th.

Adding a Little Play

Today I am giving myself some permission to play.  So I am reaching back in to the archives as a reminder of the importance of play.

Yep, even though I have been sick, even though I haven't 'accomplished' as much as I SHOULD have this week. (Those would be my mongers talking)  My nearest and dearest and I are sticking with the plan we made earlier this week to enjoy the 70+ degree day taking a hike with our dog.  So voices be damned--after spending the morning in the office--I am heading out to play!  Where could you add a little play in your life??

Originally posted in October 2009

Yesterday I decided to take the day off and go hiking.  I have been wanting to go hiking for awhile and so I cleared my schedule and grabbed my dog Mocha and off we went.  I have a tendency to not plan well but this trip I remembered to pack a lunch, my camera, and water for me and my dog.  I also have a tendency to be pretty intense about my hike--my mission for this hike was to get away, clear my head, enjoy the scenery, take some good photos and basically have the afternoon to play.  However, as I started the hike I noticed I was going at break neck pace and my mind was racing...Was I going fast enough? Was I burning any calories? Did I pick a trail that was too long? What if someone saw my dog was off-leash? (illegal in this area--but I did put her on leash whenever we walked near people!!).  Fortunately about 15 minutes in I became aware of this behavior and realized, this is my afternoon to play, this is not my afternoon to worry or get a workout or be timely.  This is my afternoon to wander, to look around, to watch my dog run with abandon through the trees and smell every fabulous scent she could find.  I realized I had to give myself permission to play.

At first I was a little sad, permission to play!?  I thought how sad is that I need permission?!?!  But then I realized I do, I need permission to put aside my to do list, my calendar, my workout and just play.  And play I did, I jumped in streams, I checked out woolly worms, I stopped by a lake and ate my lunch, I took 100s of pictures of the beautiful changing trees, I played for 4 blissful hours.

So many times in our lives we plan a vacation, plan a party, plan a fun event and we get lost in the worry.  We get lost in the stress of the planning and we miss the moment of fun.  We miss the play part.  To live happier we need to include the play.  So my challenge to you is give yourself permission to play, whatever that means for you, swing on a swing, blow bubbles, laugh until your belly hurts, just play.

How do you play?  Let me know what you do when your give yourself permission to play?

Making Room for Pain and Joy

Today, I am writing you with a cold.  Yep, a nasty head cold that has left me a tired exhausted mess.  I tried to ignore it, tried to push through and here it is 3 days in and quite honestly I feel quite lousy.  A I sat on the couch this morning willing myself to feel better, I knew the pull of the sofa cushions, my hot cup of tea and my DVR'd TV were just too much. So I finally listened to my body saying: relax, take some time off, and take care of YOU.  I admit I can be a little dense at times about self care and tend towards the push, push, push side of life. So getting sick is usually my body's way of saying OK, you have pushed enough, it's my turn.

Honestly, days like today when I am struggling to feel good I question the concept of living happier.  Especially during the Live Happier Daily Challenge. However,  I believe Living Happier is not about 'thinking positive' and 'reframing the situation' (although that can be helpful) MORE so it is about recognizing when you need to take a break, allowing yourself to have a bad day, feeling the pain, sorrow and grief that happens in life.  It isn't about ignoring sickness and 'powering through'.  It is about recognizing today I just ain't feelin' it so I am going to live happier by hanging on the couch.  Recognizing that writing my blog and seeing my clients this afternoon is about all I have and the rest of the day is going to be filled with naps, bad TV and hot tea.  Today I am going to stop ignoring my bodies loving yet pestering voice saying "rest, relax, get better" and embrace it.

Living Happier isn't about ignoring the pain and suffering in life it is about balancing it with the rest of life.  It is about acknowledging the thought, message, feeling or pain and allowing it some space in your life.

Yes, that balance is hard.  Making room for both pain and joy is a challenge.  And yet, I believe that is truly Living Happier.  Recognize we don't have to push through the pain and even in the midst of the pain there can be joy. At every funeral there is laughter. At every bedside there is a memory, a smile.  We can grieve and be grateful.  It is in the doing of both that Living Happier exists.

So today I ask you where might you be ignoring yourself?  

Ignoring the pain? 
Ignoring the exhaustion? 
Ignoring your internal voice saying "you deserve better"? 
Ignoring the 'bad' feelings?
Ignoring the tears?
Ignoring the "this doesn't feel right" voice?
Ignoring something/someone you have been putting off?

You can ignore it for awhile, you can ignore the pain, the sorrow, the knowing voice---but I can guarantee you--you won't Live Happier.  The only way around is through.

Living Happier in the Mundane

There is much talk about living your big amazing dream.  Setting out and taking on the world, being bold, being daring, and being adventurous.  And yes--it is amazing to take a risk, do something daring and crazy! To take a trip, move across the country, get married or get divorced.  And then...there is life.  Everyday messy, take out the trash, make the coffee, and do the laundry and the dishes life. It is here in this monotony in this boredom that we can get stuck.  It is here where life is routine, boring and predictable that we get into trouble. It is here that we forget to Live Happier.

Yes, we hear of people who sell all their possessions and travel around the world.  My inbox is full of blogs from writers who living their big bold dreams:  traveling, farming, starting businesses, doing what seems to be BIG AND AMAZING stuff and living a BIG BOLD LIFE.  Yep, sometimes I look at them with envy and think the grass might be greener and then I remember, it isn't so much the choice they made sell everything and move to Zimbabwe that makes their life extraordinary it is the fact that they saw possibility in their life.

It is in that possibility to see our lives differently that Living Happier occurs.  It is seeing the possibility in the mundane.  In negotiating who is going to take out the trash and whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.  In going to the grocery store or walking the dog.

I would argue that it is in the every day stuff that the magic really happens. These are the time when we can smile laugh and be joyful.

If you can negotiate the mindless, figure out how to handle the mundane with love and happiness, you can live happier. 

We waste so much time waiting for our big bold adventure to begin.  But you know what?? This is YOUR life.  Yep, you are living it.  As the quote goes--there is no dress rehearsal.  If you can make the mundane tasks of your life joyful and fun it changes the whole energy of your life.  You life begins to feel more like the big bold adventure you want it to be.

So today the challenge is how can you live happier through your every day tasks?

How can you:

negotiate the morning routine so there is more laughter and less tears?

answer the inevitable 'what's for dinner question?' and into a game? (let each family member have a night, or use wheel of fortune as inspiration, or pick it out of a hat)

turn being stuck in traffic into a chance to perfect lip syncing to your favorite song?

have the grocery story become a chance to see how many people you can make eye contact with or make smile?

turn a day of errands into random acts of kindness day and see how many random acts you can do it one day?

take the mundane tasks of your life and shape them into the big bold adventure they deserve to be?

I know this is out of the box thinking--but when we can turn start living the mundane through new eyes then we open our lives up to more adventure and more happiness.

I believe if you can live your every day life with adventure and daring then when opportunities comes for adventure and daring you will be ready for it!! This is YOUR life--why not live happier??

********************************************************************************* Speaking of Living Happier in the Mundane ..have you joined the Live Happier Daily Challenge??? 

Go to the Nancy Jane Smith Live Happier Facebook page and post how you are Living Happier today.

Every day you participate you will be automatically entered into the drawing for a FREE copy of my upcoming Live Happier e-course.