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This week I am in Oregon, visiting some very close friends of mine and doing a little skiing. I am actually in my ski gear as I type preparing to dash out the door and up to Mt. Bachelor. I am a beginner skier--I only ski one or two days a year and I just started skiing 5 years ago. I am not a terrible skier, I tend to go to fast and fall too often. But for the most part I really like it. I like the rush of trying something new, the thrill of going down the mountain. I especially like the post-skiing chili and beer which I share with one of my dearest friends as we re-cap the days events. I also hate skiing, I hate that I am not very good at it, I hate that 5 year olds can kick my butt as the zoom down the hill. I hate that I get so nervous I feel like I am going to puke each time I start out.
So this week my friends and I were talking about my mixed emotions around skiing. We were analyzing and bringing to awareness what it is I don't like about it. Basically what I hate about is that it triggers old patterns for me. A few of these old tapes would be : "You are not good at physical activity, you are out of shape and uncoordinated. To be good at something you have to struggle--you can't have fun while learning. Because you have to be the best."
I don't know if it is my protestant upbringing or the fact I had 2 older brothers who consistently belittled my physical prowess. Truth is, it doesn't matter where those beliefs came from--what matters is they don't serve me anymore. In fact, I am as I keep saying, 'in the best shape of my life" I work out 5 days a week I swim, I lift weights, I do cardio. I am in good shape--maybe I am using different muscles to ski. The argument that I am not good at physical activity or uncoordinated is not true. Also, telling myself how terrible I am at skiing doesn't make it any more fun. In fact it makes it miserable AND I am not going to get better at something that makes me so stressed.
Yesterday I started noticing my thoughts as I prepared for today's ski trip. Anytime I repeated one of my tapes I gave myself a new belief, a new thought. This morning as I write this post, drinking my coffee in full ski gear I am looking forward to skiing. I am excited to see how I do, to just have fun, get some exercise, enjoy the company of a good friend and feel the wind as I whoosh down the mountain!
I will let you know how it goes!
Is there something you have a love/hate relationship with? What is something you dread doing? What messages are you telling yourself around this activity that might help you change perspective?
