Life Balance--How Full is Your Bucket?

I love the power of analogy. In that vein, let's think of your life energy as a bucket of water.   All of us have a bucket of water and the goal is to keep the water at about the same level.  The water that comes in is from the activities/people that give to us,  that feed our souls and lift us up (e.g. supportive family and friends, hobbies, joyful events etc.).  The water that goes out is to the activities/people that we give to (e.g. our job, our kids, our responsibilities etc.).  So if we have a good balance between the things that give to us (water in) and the things we give to (water out) our water bucket stays about the same level.

The key is paying attention to our bucket and noticing when it is getting too low.  When it is too low that means we either need to find a way to add water or we need to cut back on the water that is going out. As with everything the key is awareness.  With women in particular, this exercise is a challenge.  As I have said before, many of my female clients walk around with a very low amount of water in their bucket.  One of my client stated she always just had the belief that her bucket was smaller so she didn't need as much water as everyone else--a common belief but not true.  We all have the same size buckets and we all need to be paying attention to how full it is.  Water in water out--energy in energy out.

 A few years ago I had a very full social life--I had dinner plans every night and was always 'out' doing something.  I was single at the time and had the belief that I couldn't just sit at home (even though I secretly longed for it) I had to get out there and be social.  Then one day I realized--I am not really enjoying these dinners--overall they were just a water drain.  Most of the time the dinner was just a chance for the person to get free counseling.  So I was spending all day working and draining my water and then my during evenings having more water drained. My bucket was empty.  As with most people once I had the awareness I decided to make some changes and cut out all the plans with people that weren't adding to my water bucket and began engaging in activities and with people that added to my bucket.  What a difference!!  Talk about living happier!!

My challenge to you--how full is your bucket?  Are there activities that you engage in that drain too much of your water?  What are the activities/people that could add more water to your bucket? What changes do you need to make to maintain your bucket's water level?

Putting on Your Big Girl Pants

Sometimes in life we find ourselves at a spot where we realize we need to put on our 'big girl pants'--we need to step up, take an action, make a change. I had a client who came into see me because she was at a crossroads in both her relationship and her career. During our sessions, it became apparent that over the past few years she had been floating through life--allowing her partner to take care of her, allowing her job to just exist, she wasn't really actively engaged in her life.

Unfortunately, I frequently find that in my practice--women who have given up on their lives either out of fear, numbness, or have just been beaten down enough that they have lost their energy to engage. Over our sessions she began to get more and more empowered, figuring out what she needed/desired, what direction she wanted her life to take. Finally it became obvious that she need to make some changes in her life--needed to start implementing her desires and needs. After much discussion about what she wanted to do and how to do it she turned to me and said "You know what I just need to put on my big girl pants and get out there". I loved that expression! She was right--we used that analogy a lot in her sessions and I continue to use it with my clients. I absolutely love the power of analogy. Frequently in my sessions, I will use a symbol or a story to help illustrate a challenging topic and this was the perfect analogy!

At first her big girl pants were uncomfortable and didn't fit right and then eventually she got use to them. She got use to asking for what we need, living her life intentionally based on her own expectations not someone else's. So over the next few weeks she kept trying on her big girl pants and you could see the energy in her change. Each week she would come into my office and would share a story of when she had her big girl pants on and what she had done. And we would talk about the difference between the times she was wearing her big girl pants and the times she wasn't. Eventually she began to feel that difference of when she was acting from her big girl place and when she was acting from her little girl place She could tell the insecure, scared part of her--her little girl-- "you know what I got this--I can take care of you, I can speak my needs and be a grown up."

Finally at one of our last sessions she said to me "you know I came in wearing my little girl dress and now I am wearing big girl pants". So true! She made some major life changes during out time together and came out living a life that she wanted and that fed her soul. She was totally living happier!!!

Even in myself I notice when I start acting anxious, insecure, doubtful, scared that I have put on my little girl dress and I remind myself I am a big girl. I give my little girl (my insecurities and doubts) and quick hug, put on my big girl pants and say "I got this".

Where in your life are you still wearing your little girl clothes?

Swimming Pace and Happiness

I am learning how to swim. Even though I grew up with a pool, I never really learned how to swim using the correct strokes. So I thought I would get off the treadmill and get in the pool! I have taken about 6 lessons and probably swim once a week. Currently. I am trying to perfect my freestyle stroke. My instructor has been working with me on increasing my endurance and being able to swim longer. Last week he had me swim 75 meters--without stopping. So the length of the pool 3 times! Me being me I swam as fast as I could for the 3 laps because I was so afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it. By the time I got to the edge I was exhausted. When I reached the edge he said "did you enjoy that?" And I said NO--that was awful--and he said of course because you were just trying to finish it you weren't enjoying the challenge. Then he explained to me his philosophy about swimming "it isn't about the destination or getting it done it is about enjoying the strokes and just having fun with it". "If you slow down your pace you can go further and might actually enjoy it!!"

Wow--who would have thought swimming could be such a great analogy for life--and happiness! Frequently we go at break neck pace trying to get somewhere or figure something out and then we finish the day, week, month totally exhausted. Rather than just enjoy the pace.

For the rest of my practice time I tried to slow my pace--I admit it was new, it was frustrating, it was a challenge. But it was also more fun--I wasn't dying at the end of each lap, I was able to swim continuously, and I was aware of my strokes. I finally began to see swimming not as this awful sport that hurts my lungs but as a sport that when done correctly uses my whole body and allows me to glide through the water. Since I wasn't so focused on being exhausted I could enjoy myself. This is true with life--when we slow our pace we can focus on the things that really matter and maybe even glide for awhile. Try it--slow your pace and see what happens.