A Real Life Example of Working Happier

I have become midly obsessed with NPR podcasts--I recognize I am a little late to the podcast party but if you haven't used that feature on your ipod/iphone--it is amazing!  Lots of free, interesting programs out there that give new perspective to things.  What I love about listening to the NPR programs is that it takes me out of my world, my anxieties, my to-do list and introduces me to this whole new world.  A world of every day people doing extraordinary things with their lives.

Last week I was listening to This American Life--one of my favorites.  It was on Amusement Parks. I admit I am not a big fan of amusement parks and I wasn't going to listen but I thought I would give it a try. The first part of the program is about Cole, the games manager at the park.  Cole is a guy in his 20s who absolutely LOVES his job, I mean LOVES it he has worked at the amusement park since he was 14 and even dropped out of college (with one year to go) to accept this full time job.  You can hear in his voice the joy and passion he has for his job.

I actually listened to this podcast twice (because I wanted my nearest and dearest to listen to it as well because he is as passionate about swimming) and both times I was struck with how excited Cole was to do his job.  I kept thinking to myself this is Working Happier.  This is what it is all about, finding something you love and are passionate about and embracing it.  The beauty of the story is that Cole isn't fighting world hunger, or making massive change in the world.  He is living his life with passion and joy and because of that he is creating change in the teenagers who work for him, the people who enter the park and see his passion and excitement, and the people like me who heard his story and were inspired by it.

So often these stories of living the dream and finding your passion are by people who are making lots of money or living the 'easy life' after working hard for a period of years and now can take it easy.  But the reason I loved Cole's story is that he works 60-70 hours a week, he gets a lot of crap from his family (and girlfriend) about not completing college, he struggles with 'just being a games manager' and not being 'successful enough'. Bottom line it isn't all peaches and cream, it isn't perfect.  He has issues too.  But what he does have is that unmistakable joy when you hear him describe his job, he has found a little slice of heaven in his day to day life....and that in my opinion is priceless.

Check out Cole's Story here:

Stepping Out of My Box

Today begins my vacation (don't worry I will keep to my 3 blogs a week commitment--even on vacation)--I love all types of vacation, but this is a traveling vacation, a different adventure each day vacation, stay in a different spot, experience new ideas and basically just get out of my comfort zone.  It is the first time my nearest and dearest and I have done this type of vacation, usually we do the go and sit on the beach type of vacation (which I love as well) so it should be interesting.  This travel vacation also includes camping--we are headed to the The Gorge in Washington for the DMB Caravan tour---both experiences are new to me camping and music festivals.  I have to admit I have a lot of anxiety around this vacation. Traveling with my new husband, camping for the first time in 20 years and basically roughing it for 3 days.

Many of my friends have said, "are you crazy?" "why are you voluntarily headed to camp for 3 days in a field full of strangers?" "Camping isn't your thing" And they are right,   I mean I am a 4 star, 500 thread count, plump pillows, concierge type of girl.  But that is not all I am, I am also a outdoor loving, country raised, mild adventure seeker girl.  Now admittedly the outdoor loving part of me is not as prominent or well developed. I can remember saying to friends that I wanted a guy who enjoyed outdoor activities because then I would have someone to engage in those activities with.  And then I found my nearest and dearest who does enjoy camping, kayaking, surfing, hiking and just getting dirty.

So over the past few weeks I have been struggling with picking an identity--am I camper girl or 4 star hotel girl and then I realized why do I have to pick?  Part of the fun and richness from life comes from getting out of our boxes and labels and experiencing different sides of ourselves.  It is when we get stuck in our labels either by ourselves or by those around us that we get in trouble.  When we have the mentality that "I can't do that because that doesn't fit me" we aren't living life to it's full potential.  So I am headed on my vacation--my 4 star hotel, bed and breakfast, camping in a field with limited showers, fancy dining, eating cereal for dinner vacation!! And I am going to embrace every wonderful, nuanced aspect of it!!

So this week surprise yourself, surprise those close to you and take a risk, try something new and different, get out of your box.  I'll let you know how my box escape goes when I get back....

Relationship and Career: Find What you Love

Photo: Erin MC Hammer

Every now and then I think I am being too idealistic, too pie in the sky, too pollyanna to think people can really work in a job they love.  I mean there are practical things to consider, money, family, responsibilities.  Not everyone can afford to do the work they love and live a life that is full and rich. Fortunately these thoughts don't last long (hello fear monger!) --because I do believe that we all have natural gifts, and talents that need to be given to the world.  We all have the gift of a life that is meant to be savored and enjoyed.  Life is suppose to be full and exciting and we can experience that excitement in our careers and work.

When I am having these pollyanna doubts I inevitably will hear something or talk to someone who reminds me I am not crazy or too optimistic...With the announcement of Steve Jobs stepping down from Apple his graduation speech from 2005 has been circulating on Facebook and various other places, and I was able to watch it again.  If you haven't seen it, it is short and powerful and you can watch it below.  But my favorite part that gives me good bumps is this one paragraph:

....."Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.  Don't lose faith.  I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going what that I loved what I did.  You've got to find what you love.  And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers.  Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.  As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.  And, like any great relationship, if just gets bette and better as the years roll on.  So keep looking until you find it.  Don't settle."--Steve Jobs

Can I get a 'hell ya!".  Every time I read it or hear it I get chills.  We spend so much time reading, hearing, obsessing about finding our 'soul mate' our 'true love' and yes that is SO important but so it finding the work that makes your heart sing!  Yes we need to make money, yes we need to be responsible AND we need to do work that is inspiring to ourselves and to others.  To be the best us possible we need people around us that we love as well as work that we love.

Check out the full speech below:

Advice from my Dad: Why Pay Twice?

My dad is full of different pieces of advice, short sentences packed with wisdom.  One of these wisdom phrases that we say a lot in my house is "why pay twice?"  So say you go to the movies, and you pay $25 for tickets and snacks and and half way through the movie you are miserable, the movie is terrible, loud, poor plot, no characters just bad.  Most people say "I paid, for this I am going to sit here and get my money's worth", but my dad would say "why pay twice, why pay the $25 and then pay the fee of your time and energy to watch a bad movie, get up and leave".

The spirit of this advice can apply to many aspects of our lives.  So often we think we have to stick with something merely because we have 'paid' whether financially or with our time and energy.  Let's say you are in a job you hate and you go every day thinking how much you hate it and you justify that by saying "well I have already put in 5, 10, 15 years I can't leave quit now!!" Again, why pay twice, yes you have paid your dues and it hasn't worked out yet so why keep paying?

An example I see a lot in my practice is people who have paid to go to school and for whatever reason they picked a degree that didn't fit them.  So here they are 2-4 years later and they can't find a job they want or they have found a job and they are miserable.  Many of them know what they want to do next and unfortunately it requires some more schooling.  And they will say to me "I can't do that I already paid for one degree so I have to use the degree I paid for".  True, they did pay for one degree but like the bad movie analogy above...it wasn't the right degree it isn't going to be satisfying or get them what they want in the end so why pay twice?  Why pay for the first degree and then pay for your misery the rest of your life because you made a human mistake and selected the wrong degree?

Frequently in life we make mistakes, we chose incorrectly, we chose something that we thought should fit or something someone told us would fit and we end up unhappy, miserable and 'paying' for the mistake.  The point is mistakes happen, we chose wrong, why keeping suffering because we picked wrong?!?!  Why pay twice?  Figure out a way to make a change, do it differently.  Just because you chose wrong to begin with doesn't mean you have to keep suffering as a punishment.  Life is meant to be enjoyed, let's get creative and figure out way to make a different plan.  As my dad would say, there is no need to pay twice.

Where in your life are you paying twice?

Basic Resume Tips

The dreaded resume.  One of the necessary evils to the job search.  It is your whole professional life on one (or sometimes two) pieces of paper.   Below are some of my basic resume writing tips.

Layout matters: You would be surprised how often I see a resume to review that has been thrown together on Word, or that has used some type of template to create.  If you don't' know how to layout your resume, find someone who can a friend, a co-worker or pay someone who specializes in resume writing.

10 second skim:  10 seconds might be generous, but bottom line you don't have very long to showcase your talents.  You need to be able to skim your resume (and I mean SKIM) to see what appears most prominent.  Make sure what you want to stand out does.  This skim concept is also why layout is so important.

It fits the description:  Many of my clients are changing careers, shifting jobs completely. So it is extremely important that your resume changes to fit the new career you are wanting.  Even if you have 10 years of teaching and you are trying to get into corporate training...change up your resume so it showcases your transferable skills.  Get creative in your layout, design.  But don't get too creative, make sure all the skills are real and authentic. Flowery, vague terms are easily caught.  I will recommend to clients that they take the job description they are interested in and compare it with their resume. If they were a recruiter could they match up the job description with the resume and see a fit?

Be specific:  Whatever you can quantify. do it.  Show a number or percent.  Give real details not fluff.  Instead of saying "computer skills" list the specific computer programs you are proficient in.  List the number of people you have trained, size of the budget, percentage of sales etc.

Write a Cover Letter:  Especially for people who are trying to switch careers it is important to write a quality, concise cover letter to showcase who you are and what you can do for the company.  You cover letter should highlight your resume and give more detail about your experience...not just reiterate your resume.

The challenge with resumes is everyone has an opinion on writing one.  You can line up 10 experts and they will give you 10 different opinions.  So my advice?  Stick with the basics:  Use a clean, attractive layout, avoid misspellings and showcase your talents.

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Want some help with your resume?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Fighting Dream Distortion

Dreams.  They are amazing, wonderful gifts.  We encourage our children to have dreams, to use their imagination and make up fairy tales and dream worlds.  But once we hit a certain age, dreams stop and practicality takes over.  We can't dream because that is silly, we have to many other practical, adult tasks to complete.  We need to be responsible and diligent in order to be good, honorable, citizens...(whew sounds a little stuffy and boring to me.) I would argue that dreams are what give color and hope to our lives.  Yes, we need to be practical and task oriented or we won't be able to survive in this world, but we also need to let our hair down, use a little imagination and look at our lives with a little inspiration.  

Inevitably there is a time when I am working with a client, sometime in the first session..sometimes in the tenth when they open up and say what it is they have really been thinking about doing...maybe it is being a teacher or a mom or a musician, it doesn't matter what it is because it is their dream.  It is their passion, hope, joy, wish all wrapped up into one big package.  In this moment when they build the confidence to say the dream they are waiting for my judgment, for me to running screaming from my chair "are you kidding me?!!" "there is no way that is going to happen?!?!" "You can't possibly do that?!?!".  Of course I don't think or say any of those things..this is a sacred moment a moment when the dreams, when who they are as a person is seeing the light of day, this is a gift.  But what I love about his moment, is my clients are always shocked, surprised and I would even say flabbergasted that I greet their idea with such love and support.  

Now I would love to say they are shocked because I am so loving and supportive, but in reality I believe it is because they are so hard on themselves that the idea in their head has been so beaten down, distorted and made to seem down right crazy that when they say it out loud rather then hearing "I want to be a teacher", they are hearing "I want to fly to the moon, using only my arms".  No wonder they are terrified!!  That is why here on my blog and in my office I frequently encourage people to speak their dreams out loud to loving supportive people, because our internal conversations have a way of distorting our dreams.  The less distortion we have the better.

Today give yourself a minute, or two or even 30 and let your mind wander...what do you dream about?  What do you want for your life?  And then ask yourself how outlandish is it, really?  Then think of 1-3 people you know who are safe, loving and supportive and just share your thoughts OR post them below, or  email them to me.  Regardless, air out your dreams, let them free.  

Complete Acceptance

"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely"
--Carl Jung.

I am a quote girl, I love inspirational quotes and frequently draw strength or insight from them. My mom and I will spend hours at gift shop stores pointing out inspiring quotes that we enjoy.  But this quote from Carl Jung I had never heard before, yep never heard..and it is such a good one.  Last night my nearest and dearest and I were watching TV and this quote popped up on the murder victims' refrigerator and I immediately grabbed for a piece of paper to write it down.

This quote is the crux of much of my work both professionally and personally, the point where I am helping my clients to move towards, and the consistent struggle as humans....to accept ourselves completely.  To look at who we are the dreams, desires, hopes, wishes and not discard them because they aren't what everyone else wants.  To embrace the doubts, fears, insecurities and 'monkey mind' that haunt all of us.   To celebrate the uniqueness that is you and all that comes with it--terrifying?!?  You bet.

The true challenge is that accepting ourselves completely is hard enough, but then you add in another level..that order to accept ourselves we have to to look at ourselves and have that foundation shaking thought...is this it?!?  I know there are moments when I question, is this as good as it gets?  Is this why I am here?  These moments, earthshakingly terrifying.  Common questions are am I doing my best?  Am I striving hard enough?  What can I be doing more of?

But Jung is asking us:  Can I love myself completely, now, in this moment, without striving, working harder, becoming something, just as is...my joyous, laughter loving, sometimes lazy, uninspired, obsessive, analyzing clean freak, gardener, reader, writer, me.  That is the crux of life.  Those moments that we have when we say, yep I am pretty freaking cool, are priceless. Those moments of complete peace, a certain groundedness creeps in and we can take a big belly breathe and be at one with the universe.  Those moments aren't terrifying, fleeting yes, but not terrifying.

The trick is building on those moments, little by little, remembering that feeling of 'yes, I am enough, as is, right now'.  Striving for a goal is amazing but when the need to strive out weighs the ability to love ourselves as is we have lost balance.

Accepting ourselves completely can be terrifying but it can also be exhilarating!  It is the point of being here, to learn who we are and how we relate to the world while learning how to be the best us possible!!  That, my friends, is working and living happier.

Finding My Blog Again

Stuck.  That is how I have been feeling with my blog.  Down right stuck.  I love to write, I love sharing my ideas, I love finding stories that relate to life lessons, I love expressing myself (yes, a bit narcissistic) via my blog.  But lately I don't love writing my blog.  As witnessed by the rarity of posts over the past few months.  Yes, I was planning a wedding, and going on a honeymoon and settling in to married life (which is what I keep telling myself) but in reality those reasons wouldn't have kept me away in the past.

So in the way I approach everything when I have a stumbling block.... I started building awareness and curiosity around my blog avoidance. First thing I noticed was the amount of pressure I was putting on myself to write a warm, witty, valuable, applicable and intelligent blog.  To the point that if I felt uninspired to write my blog I basically spent the rest of the day beating myself up for being a terrible career counselor, and uninspired writer, which eventually spun out to giant loser, lazy person who is going nowhere.  So I immediately put the breaks on that chain of thoughts (Whoa!)  First step in stopping the hammer is to notice that it is actually beating you down!!

So I gave myself an intentional break from my blog, allowing me to work on other writing projects and other areas of my business.  In the past couple of weeks I have been uber-productive, developing programs, packages, assignments and a future e-course.  While I haven't been writing my blog, I have been occasionally been adding some curiosity around my blog asking myself questions like: why is it hard to write there?  what is missing? how can I bring the spark back?  what do I want to write about?

So what did I found out during my blog-break?
1.  Anytime we have to FORCE ourselves to do something or think we SHOULD do it we need to look at what's really going on.

2.  This is suppose to be fun!!  My little tiny blog that use to take 15 minutes to write in the morning and brought me excitement and joy had become a giant black elephant that hung out in my home office, followed me to work and hung out with me on the couch.  I had built it up to be SO HUGE, no wonder I didn't want to work on it.

3. I love sharing stories, I love illustrating ideas, thoughts, life lessons through stories.  Somewhere in my day to day life I lost seeing the world through stories,

4. Because of #1 and #2 I was putting WAY to much pressure on myself to write an awesome, insightful, intelligent blog.  And I lost me, I lost my voice, my struggles, my challenges and my lessons. I thought I needed to be the expert the one who had it all together in order to share about living and working happier.  I lost my ability to be vulnerable.

So there you have it my blog experiment has come to a close and I here are the changes you will see on my blog.

1. A commitment to writing 3 times a week--I noticed, one of the reasons I struggled was the less I wrote the less I wanted to write. 

2. A commitment to allowing myself to be more vulnerable, more open sharing more about my life lessons and what I learn as I move through life and as I work through clients trying to live and work happier.

So please bare with me in the upcoming weeks as I find my stride again with blog writing and sharing!  I am excited to see what happens!!

Whew!  I have to admit I feel better, even writing this blog about my blog writing struggles was daunting and scary.  

But I am hoping you can relate, what activity(s) are you avoiding, how do you deal with getting stuck, or in a rut?  I would love to hear!!

Why Positivity Can Get in the Way of Living Happier

You have heard me say it before, but lately it has been creeping back into my world, creeping back into my client's thoughts and words, creeping back into my friends' wisdom.  The idea that we just need to think positive and all will be better.  Ugh! This thought drives me crazy.  Sometimes I feel like it is one of my life's missions to rid the world of the notion that if you just put on a smile, and think positive life will be just peachy.  Yes there are times when we are just crabby for no reason; just 'off' and for those times putting on a smile can be helpful.  But I am talking about those times when we are hurting when we have pain, grief, sadness when we are going through a break-up, a death, a sense of confusion or a major life transition!  All of these are HARD they require struggle, tears, pain and grief.  These aren't 'buck up', put on a smile times, these are "yep I know it sucks and it might feel like you are going to die but I promise you will get through this time"

We have all seen the people, people who we ask, "how is everything going?" (and legitimately care) and the immediate response is "fine, fine, everything is fine!" with a big fake smile on their face Clearly we know everything isn't fine, but most likely they have heard somewhere to be positive and everything will be ok.

I am all about joy and laughter and smiling, hell my tag line is work happier live happier--so clearly I am all about being happ-ier.  But when we think that these 'happy' emotions are the ONLY emotions and that we are weak, pathetic and/or negative because we don't feel happy all the time we get into trouble.  As a mentor of mine use to say, life is about experiencing a wide range of emotions fully.  So experiencing joy AND sadness. Laughter AND tears.  When we are trapped in 'living positively' to the detriment of experiencing any anger, sadness or struggle we aren't living happier, we are slowly surely becoming a ticking time bomb of resentment and pain.

As with everything life is a balance--it is a mixture of joy and pain; when we experience too much of one type of emotion we are definitely not living happier.  Any transition in life will require some sadness, relief, laughter, anxiety, fear and joy.  Whenever we are making changes there will be struggle but that is truly living and experiencing life which to me IS living happier!!

Keep Your Eyes on the Road

Thanks to TobyOtter for the great pic!

A few months ago my nearest and dearest and I were driving to North Carolina.  Part of that journey includes driving on the West Virginia turnpike a hilly, curvy freeway that is full of semi's all trying to make good time.  It can be an exhilarating, scary and sometimes fun part of the drive.  We had planned to stay overnight in WV and then continue on the following morning.  As we approached the hotel, it was dark, the road was hilly, curvy and covered with light fog.  We couldn't see very well in front of us but I kept driving on, making good time, getting us to our destination.  The next morning when we started out again, it was day light, no fog and we could see for miles.  Surprisingly, I noticed I was much more timid in my driving, now I could see far ahead of me and see the cliffs I was driving close to and the upcoming hills and twists and turns that were approaching.

My nearest and dearest (ever the observant one) noticed right away that I was more timid and asked what was wrong..naturally we both assumed since visibility was so much greater I should be feeling more secure in my driving.  But honestly since I could see what was coming I not only had to deal with the curves I knew about but I was stressing about the curves 'yet to come'

It struck me that the more I paid attention to what was coming up the more afraid I became.   I think that happens frequently in our lives that sometimes we get so caught up in looking ahead at 'what might happen' we get too scared to make decisions based on what's actually happening.  We become frozen in the what if's or the terrible things that appear to be approaching.  When I was able to relax and remembered that I had been fine on this road, 12 hours earlier, in the dark and fog I started to only pay attention to the current road.  I knew there were curves ahead but I quit dwelling on them.

So frequently when clients come into my office feeling paralyzed and timid they have been looking too far down the road.  The best way I have found to help clients is to help them implement a plan, a step by step action plan that they can come back to when they get overwhelmed.  They may start looking too far down the road but when you know the plan, you know today I need to do a.  and then you can start on a. rather then getting overwhelmed by h, m, and x. When my clients start putting one foot in front of the other, making decisions and moving forward they start living and working happier.

Here's to keeping your eyes on the road.

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Want to get your plan to work happier? Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Safely Sharing Our Dreams

Thanks to Brittany for the pic~!

A friend of mine and I are constantly coming up with "million dollar ideas". It is a fun game we play in coming up with different projects we can engage in or ideas we might have for our lives down the road.  Frequently we joke that the difference between a person who makes a million dollars and a person who doesn't is taking the idea and running with it--actually ACTING on the idea.  For so many of us these ideas don't even see the light of day, they never leave the recesses of our brain, they never get shared, discussed or talked about.

Earlier this week I was talking to my nearest and dearest about how common it is to shoot down ideas.  When someone comes up with a new plan for a career or project, the first reaction of those closest to them  is to say all the reason's it is a bad idea.  Sounds terrible doesn't it?  But I have found it to be true.  So frequently by the time my clients have come into see me, they have heard so many negatives and challenges associated with their dream they are too exhausted and tired to even mention the dream to me.

I have to assume and hope, that these people believe they are being helpful, offering constructive criticism or protecting the person from getting hurt.  But really in my mind they are just keeping that person down, and putting them 'back in line'.  There are very few dream validators out there.  Very few people that allow us to share what's on our hearts and minds and give us the room to explore it, look at it, check it out.  Very few people who will say, sounds cool, let's see what happens who allow us to entertain the idea of doing something new, different and maybe even a bit 'out there'.  Ironically, most of the time, our dreams aren't that crazy, or 'out there' they are just different then what we are doing now.

But honestly, many of the 'comforts' we have now TV, airplanes, cars, computers, and ipods wouldn't be here if someone somewhere hadn't thought 'what if one day we could carry 5,000 songs on a little tiny device as big as my hand?" and more importantly if someone somewhere hadn't said "that sounds cool, how might that work?"  We all need dream validators in our lives, we need to let the dreams, ideas, thoughts that come into our brains have a safe place to fall.

Who are your dream validators?  Who are the people you can share your dreams with? How open are you to listening to other people's dreams and ideas?  Are you a dream validator?

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Looking for a safe place to share your dreams?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session!  Not in Columbus?  No worries--I also work via phone and Skype.

Why Just Changing Your Job Won't Make You Live Happier.

Yep, you read that title correctly--just changing your job won't necessarily help you live happier.  So frequently when we are unhappy we are desperate, desperate for a change, desperate to be doing something different, desperate to have a new boss or new co-workers.  When that desperation kicks in, usually our quality decision making kicks off.  When we make decisions based on just leaving a bad job vs. having a plan for a new one we can get into trouble.

Now I am not saying that just quitting your job is always a problem, I know people (including myself) who have quit a job without another job just because we were D-O-N-E---DONE with our current jobs.  But I also know that even if we didn't have another job we had a plan, a loose plan, but a plan.  Maybe there was money saved up, school that was going to start soon or a temporary job that was opening.  The point is there was a plan.

So often clients come into my office desperate to leave their jobs wanting a way out. Their temptation is to just quit their job and take the first available opening. Part of my job is to ease that desperation and help the client get clear on what do you want next?  What areas of your life do you actually enjoy?  How can we add more of that enjoyment into your life while looking at other options?  What are some "out of the box" plan B's that can occur? So often it isn't that clients don't have a plan it is that they haven't given voice to the plan.

But bottom line it isn't just about your job.  Your job is one part of your life, that yes can make the rest of your life miserable, but really ask yourself: Are there changes I could be making to my life that would make me happier while I develop a plan to find a new job and live happier?  Finding a job that makes your heart sing is one part of a happy life. We also need to be engaging in activities that make our heart sing whether that be hanging with family, laughing with friends or playing golf on a Saturday morning.  Sometimes when we are completely miserable in our jobs we forget there are other activities that make us happy.

So rather then bailing on a job we hate and potentially ending up in more pain and misery we can develop a plan of attack.  We can start to develop a two fold plan, one which puts as many soul feeding activities in our lives as possible while figuring out how to remove ourselves from a job that makes us miserable.

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Wanting help with changing your job?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Why The Internet is Hurting your Job Search

Earlier this week I had a new client, he came into my office completely frustrated by his job search experience.  Lost and flabbergasted he found my website, liked my stuff and scheduled an appointment.  First words out of his mouth are "I have applied to over 300 jobs and have heard nothing back".  These words are not uncommon in my office.  Inevitably my next question is "What type of jobs are you applying for?" and inevitably comes the answer "Oh, I don't know...whatever I can find that sounds appealing".

Upon further discussion it was revealed that he was spending hours a day sitting in front of his computer applying to various jobs using Monster, CraigsList and CareerBuilder and getting nowhere.  He is not alone, MOST of my clients who are looking for a new job start their search by spending hours if not days in front of the computer searching and applying for jobs, to no avail.

In some ways technology is a wonderful thing.  At our fingertips we have access to countless resources, vast amounts of information and overwhelming opportunities.  Over the past few years job searching has changed dramatically.  Gone are the days of buying the Sunday paper and circling in big red ink the jobs that sound appealing.  Now in a matter of minutes we can have access to 100s if not 1000s of jobs.  It can be overwhelming and mind blowing.  But in reality the job search process hasn't changed that much.  We still have one or two HR people who are responsible for hiring for the all open positions. While job searchers  may have greater access to the job possibilities the HR folk are still left with sorting through countless resumes on top of their already full plates of doing their jobs.

Job searching is exhausting, time consuming, ego bruising work. So for all of you job searchers out there, today I am going to ask you to pause your internet surfing (after reading this of course) and try some new (maybe just tried and true) job search ideas.

Be Specific: Know What you Want to Do.  Know the type of job you are applying for and tailor your resume to fit that job.  You may have an accounting degree and know you want to be working in that field but what SPECIFICALLY do you want to be doing?  What type of environment do you want to be working in?  The more specific you can get on where you want to be and what you want to be doing the easier it is to tailor your resume.

Resume=Skimmable:  Number one thing I tell clients when they come in for a resume review--you have 10 seconds to make an impression so it better be skimmable. That means, use bold and italics strategically, use bullet statements and make sure your resume fits the job posting.  If I am reading your resume I should know in 10 seconds if you are qualified for my job opening or not.

Apply Through the Company Site When you Can:  I admit we live in a computerized world so you need to use the computer for some of your job search.  Craigslist, Monster and CareerBuilder are great for finding jobs but when you can apply on the company website do it.  Not only will it allow you to learn more about the company but when you are networking (see number 4) and the individual asks if you applied on the company website you can say yes!

Network, Network, Network: This is tried and true advice which still holds true.  Whether you are just trying to figure out what you want to do or trying to get a specific career you HAVE to network.  You have to get away from your computer, out of your house and interact with the world!  Yes, Linked-In is a great way to meet people it is a fabulous way to connect AND THEN ask to meet people face to face in person!!

Bottom line job searching is about knowing what you want, fine tuning your resume to show your talents, applying for jobs and then strategically meeting people who can help you.

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Need help in your job search?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Is it Luck?

I'm back!!!  I apologize for the LONG delay between posts, I took some time off from blogging to plan our wedding--which took way more time and energy then I was expecting.  But in the end was totally worth it.  So please allow me a quick gush about our wedding--which was just as we wanted, intimate, playful, and full of love and laughter.  From the sno-Kones to the s'mores to the swimming and dancing (not to mention the ceremony and vows we both wrote) it was a wonderful, non-conventional wedding!!!  To say the least I am thrilled to be married to my nearest and dearest and in the throes of newlywed gagginess.

A repeated conversation my nearest and dearest and I have is that I say "we are so lucky" and he responds with "it's not all luck, we work at this too".  It has turned into a playful banter conversation, but over the past few weeks I have been wondering about how much luck plays into happiness.  Our story is an amazing one full of twists and turns, yet somehow we made it back to each other (luck) and somehow we talked through and discussed all the twists and turns to get where we are today (work).  So much of our relationship is built on awareness, curiosity, checking in, communicating and being present all which some might say is work (but doesn't really feel like it at the time).  In short, we are very intentional about our relationship and about keeping it fresh, intimate and loving.  It is work and we are lucky. However, our lives are not perfect, we have our struggles as well, with serious illnesses, self doubt, neurotic tendencies, and just the struggles of daily life.  But we are intentional about those as well, intentional about grieving the losses, exploring the feelings of self doubt and celebrating the small victories we have in our life.

Similarly I think when we are looking at our lives from a big picture and looking at how to Live Happier and Work Happier, how to find a career that is rewarding, a relationship that is fulfilling and a life that is rich and deep it requires a sense of intentionality.  A sense of awareness and analyzation.  As I have said before this stuff is not easy.  It is not for the faint of heart to grab life by the horns and take the crazy ride but it is SO worth it.

So yes I believe some luck is involved in living happier, some of us are born into money or more loving and caring families.  Some of us get a 'leg up' when we enter the world.  But I don't necessarily believe that makes one happy.  The happiest people I know are from a variety of backgrounds, rich, poor, children of abuse, children of loving supportive families.  Their 'circumstances' don't make them happy, it is their attitude and their intentionality around life that make them happy.  It is the embracing of all that there is the good and the bad, celebrating with wild abandon and grieving with great sorrow.

But I am curious on your take...what role do you think luck plays in happiness?

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Want to get more intentional about living your life?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

The Gift of Sharing

Today I am writing while hanging at the Denver airport--honestly 24 hours ago this was the LAST place I thought I would be today.  A friend of mine is moving from the west coast to the east coast and while his wife was flying with their children to their new home, he was going to be driving their 2 dogs across country.  If there is one thing I love it is a good road trip, so a few weeks ago we concocted this scheme that I would fly half way across the country (Lincoln, NE) and he would pick me up and we would continue on the journey.  It was going to be my last hurrah as a single girl, a crazy adventure like I have done a million times before (and know I will continue to do post-marriage) my warped version of a bachelorette party.  Yet here I sit in the Denver airport waiting to catch my flight back to Columbus, while my friend begins day 3 of his road trip. After a series of flight cancellations, killer storms, long lines, cranky travelers, a hotel stay and 3-4 trips through security I gave up my quest and now plan to head back home.

So this morning as I climbed into the hotel shuttle to head back to the airport, I was surprised that the first thing I did was strike up a conversation with the people in the seat next to me.  A little background I rarely strike up a conversation with strangers other than the usual banal chatter. A full  on conversation such as 'where are you headed?'  'why are you here?'  Is rare for me.  I am happy to engage when someone asks me but I am not usually the instigator.  But this morning I think I have struck up 4-5 conversations with random people, because bottom line I needed to tell my story.  I needed to share my disappointment, my anger, my exhaustion with someone.  I needed someone to witness that yes, this is a bummer and wow that really sucks.

In the scheme of life, missing flights and having a vacation canceled is not that big of a trauma--especially this morning when I saw the news of all the people truly effected by the storms that canceled my flight last night with loss of homes, businesses and lives.  But to me in my life it was a disappointment.   I realized the more I shared my story and the more people that witnessed it the better I felt, the less angry I was, the less disappointed, the more perspective I gained.

This experience, reconfirmed for me the power of not only sharing our stories but truly listening when someone shares their stories to us. There is a healing that occurs when we open up and share our stories, share our tears, our frustrations, our joys and our fears.  It is when we walk around stoic and 'brave' that our stories get cemented, the bitterness grows the fears take over and we become paralyzed.
So today share a story you have been keeping down, pick a complete stranger or a close friend and share what's really going on.  Maybe it is you hate your job, or you think you want to make a change but don't know how, or you are frustrated with your boss/partner/friend/mother/father etc.  Whatever it is let it out.  And when someone on a plane, strikes up a conversation with you--take 5 minutes from your book and just listen--remind yourself we all have a story and some times it just needs to get out.

Wedding Planning and Life Lessons

I apologize for the pause in blog posting.  Life has been a blur of working, wedding preparations, and traveling.  The bulk of that being wedding prep--we are a little more than a month away from our wedding and to say I am feeling overwhelmed by it all would be an understatement.  Wedding planning has been a true test for me in practicing what I preach with my clients and I wanted to share a few things I have confirmed and discovered along the way:

Living by your values requires constant reassessment:  From the very beginning we were clear what we wanted with our wedding--we knew we wanted a celebration that uniquely expressed us, we wanted our friends and family to feel important, we wanted our vows to be a serious memorable time and we wanted to have fun laid back party including swimming and dancing (and not just regular dancing but bust a move, sweat through your shirt dancing). Throughout the process I can't count the number of times I have turned to my nearest and dearest and said "does this fit the vision?" We have constantly reassessed and made sure that each decision fits into the final vision.  So too with life we need to be constantly evaluating and checking-in that we are on the right path, living our vision and doing small and consistent activities to fulfill the long term goals.

Flexibility is key:  Although we have consistently kept to the vision there are a few things I said, 'no way' to initially that are now a part of the ceremony.  Either because they were important to someone involved or because they added to the 'flow' of the event.  I have been surprised at the amount of flexibility and adjustment that has been needed in planning one event.  As in life, surprises happen, life throws stuff at us all the time and we need to flow and sway with what happens.  These adjustments and changes were made easier because I knew we had the big vision, we had our core values and even though the changes might not have fit my initial ideas, they didn't upset the big vision.  Which is why I encourage all my clients to know their values, because then as life throws road blocks and new ideas at us, we can adjust accordingly based on our values.

Don't take it too seriously.  This is a BIG one for me--I tend to be a bit intense, perfectionist and type A so letting go and not getting caught up on details is a bit of a challenge for me.  Fortunately my nearest and dearest is always there to balance me out and remind me "does this really matter?".  Yet another reason why the big vision is so important to me because when I catch myself spinning out over programs or center pieces I can remind myself of what is most important and move on.  As is true in life sometimes we get so caught up in the details and the drama we forget what is most important, our big vision, our values.

So stay tuned for more updates and also to hear about some of the awesome Work Happier events I have coming up this summer post-wedding.

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Want to figure out your big vision?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Waiting for the If Only....

Recently I came home from a gathering with a group of friends.  I had fun, but some of the discussion left me feeling a little sad and out of sorts, as I drove home feeling sad I started thinking an old familiar thought "if only I had someone special in my life then this wouldn't matter".  Embarrassingly I allowed myself to flow down that thought path for a few moments before I realized, wait a minute, I have someone in special in my life, in all honesty I have many 'special someone's' in my life, but specifically I have a nearest and dearest.  And then I got a little more sad when I realized how that old tape just plays there over and over saying if only...

A little background, I have been single much of my adult life.  Much of my twenties and thirties were spent pouring myself into my career and secretly hoping to find a nearest and dearest that would make all my woes disappear.
Had a bad day "If only I had a nearest and dearest to share this with life would be better"
Fight with a friend  "If only I could rely on a nearest and dearest"
Feeling sick "If only I had someone to take care of me",
Feeling sad about my dad's Parkinson's illness "If only my I had a nearest and dearest to ease this burden" and on and on and on.

ANYTIME something was out of sorts I would blame it on not having a significant other--it was my go to, fix all, catch all reason I was unhappy.  That if only tape allowed me to move around a lot of uncomfortable emotions because any time I felt any uncomfortable emotion, sadness, anger, doubt, or fear I would shut it down, excuse it and put it in the if only box.

And now amazingly I have a nearest and dearest, a warm caring couldn't-have-made-him-up-to-be-more-perfect-for-me, guy and yep there are times when I drive home upset and sad about something.  And yes, I have him to talk to about it and yes I have him to take care of me when I am sick, and yes there are times it makes life easier.  But really as wonderful as he is, he doesn't have magical powers, he can't make my colds go away, he can't heal my father (although he does a great job of making him laugh), he can't make my neurosis vanish.  All of that stuff, that life-being-human-sometimes annoying emotional stuff that is the stuff I have to handle.  That is the stuff that makes life rich and gooey and challenging and joyful.  And while, yes I can experience it with him it share my joys and sorrows with him, at the end of the day I have to figure out how to make myself happy.

So as I rode in the car, realizing for that my catch all unhappiness 'if only' was gone I had a moment of mourning.  I realized the last thing I wanted to do was create another substitute 'if only'.  Then came a 'growing up' moment, if you will,  a moment of relief.  A moment of realizing, it is all within my capabilities there isn't a magical if only it is all just life. It is up to me to deal with my emotions as they arise rather than pouring them all into the 'if only' excuse.  I admit after the initial shock, it was rather freeing.  I also admit that I have caught myself more than once since the realization saying "if only I had a significant other" and just allowed a little grin to spread across my face. And then I asked myself, "what's really going on here, what emotion are you trying to ignore" and inevitable some uncomfortable emotion springs forth.

If only's don't just have to be significant others then can be if only:
you had the perfect job
the kids were grown,
you got the promotion,
you won the lottery
on and on and on.  

We tend to look for the magic bullet, the place to pour all our excuses and uncomfortableness so we don't have to deal with it.  What is your if-only?  Is it still true?  How is it serving you and how is it holding you back?

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Want to see what's under your "if only"?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone get to know each other better!!    Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Wondering Wednesday: What are your unique gifts?

Thanks to Dr. Keats for the cool photo!

Today is a writing day for me. Every couple of weeks I take a day to not see clients and just write/catch up on paperwork etc. To be honest it hasn't been a very productive work day--I have had a writers/creativity block all day. So I have spent the day paying bills-cleaning the kitchen and debating with my nearest and dearest how to ease the temporary flood in our back yard.

I knew when I started out the day reading Facebook/scanning other blogs and watching Ted.com--I was in trouble. I have this challenge of comparing myself to other people and the negative messages fly through my head taking up much of the afternoon. Until I stumbled upon Malcolm Gladwell speaking on pasta sauce (see ted.com isn't all bad). You can watch the entertaining/inspiring video below.

While watching Malcolm regale the audience with information about the secret to selling pasta sauce I was reminded of a key component to happiness--celebrating our uniqueness.  It is a component that gets lost when I start comparing myself to other people, or when my self talk includes more 'shoulds' than 'wants'. It is when I am celebrating my uniqueness, using my own strengths,sharing my own story and writing my own lessons that I feel best about my work as a writer and a therapist.   I was reminded of the  a simple concept--we are all unique and there is no right way to happiness!

I was struck by how often in my office clients come in not having any ideas about their unique gifts and views. Inevitably every one of my clients says, "I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life" or some form of that statement.  And inevitably after a session or two their unique gifts start to appear, and they start to look at themselves through different eyes.  They start to see themselves not as the image that has been crafted in their head by parent, teachers, friends, family or co-workers, but as a unique individual with special values, talents, goals and ambitions. Fortunately, it is my job to create a safe place for that uniqueness to take shape and be expressed.

Unfortunately in our society, uniqueness is not celebrated.  We try to encourage it but honestly life is simpler if we all just get along and go along.  If we all just conform to the 'norm' it involves a lot less thinking, a lot less awareness a lot less time and a lot less happiness.  When we just 'go along' do what we think we SHOULD do versus what appeals to our gut, we sell ourselves and our talents short and we become a shell of who we really could be.

Which brings me back to my writers block...this am as I scanned the blogs, obsessed about what all the successful people were doing on Ted.com and generally just hammering myself silly--I realized I wasn't celebrating my uniqueness...my talents...my callings.  I was too busy comparing myself to other people.  When I stopped doing that, allowed myself some freedom to express myself this post came forth (and so did a few others.... to be posted soon).  So today I ask you--what are your unique gifts?  What do you want to express to the world (or maybe just to your neighborhood)?  Let's start sharing our gifts and living and working happier in the process!!!




Want to finally answer the question "What do I want to do with my life"?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Let's Talk About It

Earlier this week I wrote a blog about women living their lives at half steam because of the relationships in their lives.  While I thought it might strike a cord with some people I was surprised to see with whom. Even though I was writing about and for women, I have had more responses from men then women.  I had men e-mail me, men respond via facebook and the men in my life (including my nearest and dearest) weigh in on the subject.

I have to admit I thought I might hear from some men.  But I thought I would hear, "what about us...we sacrifice our dreams for relationships". Because that is true...we all sacrifice for our relationships.  But what I heard from the men out there, warmed my heart and was pleasantly surprising.  They said, "I don't want the women in our lives to feel this way" "I want them to have a life that makes their heart sing, including their job" I have to admit it gave me a lot of hope about the relationships in the world--these men who are wanting to support and encourage the women in their lives.

So it got me thinking about this epidemic the idea that we are living half lived lives because we feel too many SHOULDs or IF ONLYs.  Because we are waiting until we meet our partner, have kids, the kids grow up, or even retirement to fulfill our dreams we are missing out on a lot of life.  A lot of time.

I believe step one is to start talking about it. Let's start asking ourselves and each other--am I happy?  am I putting my life on hold for my relationships?  And if the answer is yes, what small changes can I make to live differently.  I am not advocating for us all to leave our families and head back to the workforce or plow full speed ahead into our careers and forget our dreams of finding a mate and building a family.  I am advocating having a conversation with yourself and those closest to you.  Let's start sharing what's holding us back from making our heart's sing and maybe together we can come up with a plan.

The male responses to my blog post made me realize again that we are in this together, we are all trying to do the best we can with what we have, we are trying to support each other.  Sometimes we just don't know how.

I believe, by living a life that is authentic, genuine, and honest we can live happier and work happier.  First step--speak your truth.

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Need some help expanding your definition of self and what makes you happier?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!

Losing Your Happiness in Your Relationships

Imagine the scenario:  Two women are sitting on the subway both with a free hour to contemplate their lives. The first woman is in her late 30s, married with 3 kids and silently wishes to herself that she had more time for herself.  She graduated from college, and had her own career when she met her now husband. Shortly after they were married she had her first child and quit her job to stay at home with her children She knew she never really wanted to be a career women, so it was ok that she didn't love her job anymore.   Now eight years later her children are beyond needing her 24/7 but she has no idea what she wants to do for a career so she keeps devoting herself to her children.  When she is honest with herself she admits she wants more then just being a wife and mother but doesn't know what's next, she doesn't know what would make her heart sing.

The second woman,  is also in her late 30s she has never been married and although she has had a series of long term relationships.  She has a job that is so-so but when she is honest with herself she really wanted to get married and have kids.  Basically she has put her dreams and aspirations on hold waiting to get married and have a family.  However, now she realizes that getting married and having kids might not be in the cards for her so she needs to start figuring out what career would make her heart sing.

Both of these scenarios have become more common in my practice--women who are admitting to themselves and to me that they want more our of life, they want to work happier.

What strikes me about both of these scenarios, is the amount of SHOULDS that are felt by each of the women.  On one hand, woman one feels incomplete for 'settling' into mommydom and losing herself to her kids. And then she feels selfish for thinking she wants more out of her life than her kids.  She wanted to be a mom shouldn't that be enough? So in order to avoid the plethora of negative voices, she keeps plugging along being mom and not ever facing the pain and loss of not figuring out what would truly make her happier.  Woman two, feels bad for 'settling' in a unfulfilling job while she waited to find a partner and have children.  She feels like less of a woman because she is waiting 'for a man' but also because she can't fulfill the one thing in her life she wants...a family.  Both women are silently hammering themselves for the choices they are making based on their dreams, relationships and aspirations in their lives.

The thing about should messages is that they breed shame and guilt which in turn breed silence and isolation.  Whatever your story or scenario when you start hiding parts of yourself we can't possible live and work happier.  My hope in writing this post was that women of all relationship statuses could start supporting each other on the fact that they want to live and work happier PERIOD.  We all want to live our best lives, be our best selves and when we are hammering ourselves with should messages we are pigeon holing ourselves into mediocrity.  Life is meant to be rich and colorful and made up of a variety of roles....mothers, girlfriends, partners, lovers, wives, friends, aunts, nieces, employee, entrepreneur, artist or athlete. The trick is to embrace them all.

What SHOULDS are you feeling?  How are you challenging yourself to live and work happier within your relationships?

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Need some help expanding your definition of self and what makes you happier?  Click here to schedule your free 20 minute Get to Know you Session where we can talk on the phone and start brainstorming and allowing you to live happier!!  Not in Columbus--no worries I also work via phone and Skype!!